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A mother's amazing blog about gender sterotypes

(90 Posts)
AnnieLobeseder Fri 05-Nov-10 10:19:15

I am so impressed by this women's strength, but more so by her little boy. I wish more people thought like the both of them....

valiumskeleton Fri 05-Nov-10 10:22:03

That is so sweet! Pat on the back to her! My son dressed up as little red riding hood for hallowe'en. I had to shhhshshshshsh a few negative comments.

escorchio Fri 05-Nov-10 10:23:10

Fab costume.

Unwind Fri 05-Nov-10 12:07:35

I am not impressed by anyone getting attention for their blog with the outrageous claim in the title that their five year old is gay, or not. If he was 15, fine, but his having sexual desire for anyone is hopefully a long way off. I don't see where anyone suggested that the costume would make him gay either, just that it would get him teased. The women may have been trying to help her see that. Calling it bullying, trivialises real bullying, especially when she has the cheek to add
"Just as it was heartbreaking to those parents that have lost their children recently due to bullying."

Also think she was an idiot for being certain that nobody would make fun of him. School age children make fun of one another for much less, as even the five year old was aware. That does not mean he should not have worn it, but she could have prepared him to handle any negative reactions. That would have been preparing him to handle "this big, and sometimes cruel, world".

Unwind Fri 05-Nov-10 12:16:53

Actually, if he was 15 it would not be fine to blog about his emerging sexuality either.

PortoTreasonAndPlot Fri 05-Nov-10 12:21:56

I'm not very keen on parents who USE their children in order to make a point, personally. I feel sorry for the little boy.

LeninGuido Fri 05-Nov-10 12:39:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sethstarkaddersmum Fri 05-Nov-10 13:42:53

I think if you read it right through it's clear that she's not saying he's gay, she's saying it simply wouldn't matter and that it's a ridiculous thing to think based on him wearing a costume:
'If you think that me allowing my son to be a female character for Halloween is somehow going to ‘make’ him gay then you are an idiot. Firstly, what a ridiculous concept. Secondly, if my son is gay, OK. I will love him no less.'

and it doesn't sound to me like they're only trying to make her see he might get teased - eg 'And they were that I should never have ‘allowed’ this and thank God it wasn’t next year when he was in Kindergarten since I would have had to put my foot down and ‘forbidden’ it.'

IMO parents often use the 'he'll get teased' thing as a cover for their own prejudices - people dress prejudice up as supposed concern for children, but when you look at the actual behaviour of children it's not justified, like when parents complained about Cerrie on CBeebies on the grounds that children would be frightened by her missing arm, when in fact the kids were hardly noticing it, or people used to say (and I imagine some still do) that it was irresponsible to have children as a gay couple because the child would get teased for having two mums or dads.

Unwind Fri 05-Nov-10 14:15:05

but it is a ridiculous rant about nothing - nobody suggested it would make him gay, nobody even hinted that if he was, she would love him less.

I think she knew perfectly well that putting her five year old boy in a sexy "Daphne" costume, might get him teased or laughed at by his peers. I suspect she had this blog post half planned out in advance.

Cerrie on cbeebies has nothing to do with it. I bet it was the daily mail making a fuss after one or two complaints. Gay parents also not relevant here.

MmeLindt Fri 05-Nov-10 14:22:45

I agree with Unwind.

Seems to me that she would actually like him to be gay. Or that is the way I read it.

If he had really wanted to dress up as Daphne she should have prepared him for the fact that some children might tease him.

Or let him dress as Daphne at a private party, like Lenin said.

earwicga Fri 05-Nov-10 14:22:51

Unwind - would you be so dismissive if a girl had been dressed as Woody?

I'm uncomfortable reading the blog tbh as the child didn't seem to want to go into school dressed in the costume, but I suppose the mother knows what he can and can't cope with.

Reminds me of My Princess Boy

sethstarkaddersmum Fri 05-Nov-10 14:27:07

we don't know what they didn't say, only some of what they did say, because she makes it quite clear she isn't quoting everything - ' They continue with their nosy, probing questions as to how that was an option and didn’t I try to talk him out of it.' and 'She continued on and on about how mean children could be and how he would be ridiculed.'

My mention of Cerrie and people being prejudiced about gay parents is a perfectly relevant analogy to demonstrate that sometimes parents project their own prejudices onto children, ostensibly as a way of protecting the child in question.

The whole point of the blog post is that the boy wasn't being teased or laughed at by his peers. The peers are fine with it, it's the mothers who claim that the boy will be teased despite the fact that that is apparently not what is happening.

earwicga Fri 05-Nov-10 14:29:47

Absolutely seth! Research has found that the majority of bullying that trans children face is from parents of other children. And teachers.

Unwind Fri 05-Nov-10 14:52:14

she interprets a lot for the women she mentions e.g. "Mom B mostly just stood there in shock and dismay"

or maybe she was worrying about something else

I bet if there was anything to quote, besides the mild comments of A and C, they would have been included.

There is no mention of his peers' reactions, which is odd, since that is what the little boy was worried about. No mention of what happened since and if it has been made fun of, I hope not.

Unwind Fri 05-Nov-10 14:56:42

There was no bullying here - of the women she claims were bullying her,

A asked her why it was an option, and if it was his own choice

B mostly stood there

C said that she shouldn't have allowed him to wear it, and if it was next year she would have to forbid it, because children are mean and he would be riduculed

And then she makes the outrageous analogy between these, probably well intentioned remarks, and the bullying which causes parents to lose their children.

That is disgraceful, and trivialises the living nightmare that real bullying often involves.

earwicga Fri 05-Nov-10 15:03:53

Unwind - bullying very often involves upholding the gender binary.

AliceWorld Fri 05-Nov-10 15:30:10

'I'm not very keen on parents who USE their children in order to make a point, personally. I feel sorry for the little boy.'

What about people who use their children to make a point about how normal and conforming they are?

And I'm going to take the woman who was there's interpretations of the reactions over people posting on a forum who weren't there. She was there so she knows.

Good on her for supporting her son in his choice.

MmeLindt Fri 05-Nov-10 15:52:08

Maybe she did interpret their reactions correctly but she encouraged her son - even when he was not keen on going in - to make the point about how open and accepting she is.

It is more about her and her feelings than her son. She did not say if her son experienced negative reactions from his classmates.

earwicga Fri 05-Nov-10 16:29:40

And a pat on the back to you too valiumskeleton

AnnieLobeseder Fri 05-Nov-10 17:56:25

I think the situation raised the very valid point that it would have been a total non-issue if a girl was dressed as a male character. That's wrong. So good for her for making the point. She didn't force the costume on him, he chose it.

Some of you might say she was making a big deal out of nothing, but I really don't agree.

dittany Fri 05-Nov-10 18:03:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dittany Fri 05-Nov-10 18:04:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dizietsma Fri 05-Nov-10 18:09:49

I think it's awesome.

Her little boy wanted to dress up as Daphne, she didn't make him, so how exactly is she using her child to make a point?

I think both she and her son were very brave.

dizietsma Fri 05-Nov-10 18:11:07

Well, your transphobia is well documented dittany, so it's hardly a surprise you feel that way.

BoffinMum Fri 05-Nov-10 18:13:29

Don't see what the issue is really. Mine dress up as other people all the time. It is the point of dressing up. Last week DS2 made a very fetching Victorian milkmaid. He is 9. I said he would have made a pretty girl. I very much doubt he is gay or TV, he just felt like dressing up. People should fuss less about all this.

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