Why sexual abuse should be taken seriously...

[tabouleh]

There is a thread at the moment where a MNer has discovered that her DS is abusing her DDs.

Very very sad.

What is fucking shocking is posters trying to trivialise this abuse as "doctors and nurses" and suggesting that the behaviour is more innocent that it seems.

I don't want that support thread de-railed.

So I have linked to here.

So yep I have form for thread about threads lets debate it here.

[mathanxiety]

Makes my blood boil (the trivilisation). That's my tuppence worth.

Some people don't seem to get what a support thread is for and what is an appropriate forum for debate about the quality and professionalism of social services, not to mention the nature of abuse, the fact that it is an absolute necessity to believe the victim and not dismiss him or her in any way (thus compounding the initial injury).

[ginodacampoismydh]

im with you, soon just need to get dinner cleared away.

[LoopyLoops]

He/she isn't going to come over here, he/she thinks they are right and that they are offering sound advice.
I'd quite like to stab the fucker in the eye with a pen, but I can't...

[scurryfunge]

Yes, the "doctors and nurses" game crap came up earlier in the year when two boys were convicted of sexually assaulting a very young child.

[booyhoo]

it really fucking riles me that an adult is brushing this abuse of as 2doctors and nurses" as that is exactly what my abuser called it when he was doing it to me. if anyone that i had confessed this to had told me it was just doctors and nurses it would have devastated me. i wasn't playing a game. i was abused.

[NormaStanleyFlashBangAahhhh]

Oh dear - I read that thread this morning, and thought the majority were giving good advice, must go back and find to see the doctors and nurses bit.

[scurryfunge]

Can anyone link to the thread please?

[LoopyLoops]

.

[booyhoo]

other thread

[ginodacampoismydh]

i just hope scaremongering of ss is not going to put op off in dealing with this apporpriatly. ffs do they think we are living in the dark ages where 'the state' are going to going to steam roler in there and remove all the kids and through ds and mum in the jail. lets face it the 'state' need to keep families together they could couldnt function if they had to foof the bill for reclessly removing children, there scare stories not happen in modern society.

[scurryfunge]

Thanks booyhoo

[LoopyLoops]

me too gino, me too.

btw I love Gino!

[ginodacampoismydh]

im so fuming i cant even type, faster fingers than brain lol

[LoopyLoops]

I think the OP sounds really sorted and will do the right thing. She believes the girls, she has made the first steps, she has read the consequences of not dealing with it. In short, I'm sure (really hope) she does call SS.

[GiganGORE]

i saw the thread. i saw the "its not as bad as it seems" posts.

I think that the majority just didn't want to terrify the poor OP. I think that is because the Op is a long standing well respected member of MN. I think she would have received a very different response had she been less well known.

[LoopyLoops]

How do you mean Gigan? I assumed she had namechanged.

[scurryfunge]

Well, I have caught up with the thread....there is plenty of good advice and the OP seems to be taking notice of the serious posters and not those who do not have a fucking clue or (more worryingly) have a separate agenda.

[GiganGORE]

then maybe im wrong.

the name is very much similar (with seasonal nc)to one that has been around for a long time

[grapeandlemon]

I agree - very disturbing the way some posters pulled it around to read the boy was just exploring naturally and just needed some "parenting" within the family on the issue and to encourage the 6 yo victim to start "screaming loudly" if he tried it again

It made me feel sick actually and really worried about how some Mothers would sweep this under the carpet and put it down to natural experimentation or curiosity.

My old boss spent years as a social worker and she told me many times that this kind of (Brother to sister) incest abuse was more common that any of us realise or want to realise.

[sethstarkaddersmum]

I do find it extraordinary that anyone would suggest a 13 year old was playing doctors and nurses. That seems to suggest a very wilful blindness to the fact that a boy was doing something morally wrong and should have known it was wrong, because you would surely have to stretch your knowledge of what is normal a very long way to come up with the idea that that's what 13 year olds do.

[scurryfunge]

People can't deal with horrific things. It is easier to make excuses so that it doesn't have to be dealt with by them. That is how abusers thrive- by minimising damage and explaining away incidents or transferring the blame to the victim.

[booyhoo]

at 13 this boy has at least a year of high school under his belt. i find it highly unlikely he has gone through school without getting the idea that a) doctors and nurses is for kids and b) 'everybody's seen a girl's bits' in the way that 13 year old boys like to brag about.

[booyhoo]

sorry, my post doesn't really make sense the same way it doe sin my head but i am struggling to put it in type.

[pagwatch]

I agree scurry. People minimise because they don't wantto believe it.

I think talking about my abuse with adults who expressed disbelief or wanted me to just be quiet was nearly as bad as the abuse.

I think they kind of want it to not be true.

[sethstarkaddersmum]

yes, no doubt you are right.
It makes me realise (as someone who has never experienced abuse) what people must be up against when they try to report it.