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prostitution and abuse

(11 Posts)
sparky159 Fri 24-Sep-10 11:53:45

ive been reading the threads and thought id start another one.

if youre likely to get upset-look away now.

i know someone who was a prostitute.
she had aready been abused and once someone has been abused-its then very easy for someone to come along and do whatever they want with them.

she become a prostitute-she was forced/co hersed into it but it took her years to realise this.
she was underage but with the right clothes and a bit of make up-she looked the part.
she would of done anything her pimp told her to as she thought this was "love".

she wasnt given a choice of who she went with and what she done-and often the men stank.
some of the stuff the men asked for was discusting.
afterwards the men used to look at her with comtempt.

when things like this happen things snowball and she managed to get out[but you dont never really get out]but she then went on to have some really abusive relashionships.

the women/girls were treated like animals-
the first time she said that she couldnt do it as she had a period-she was told to clean herself and shove some rag up herself so no one noticed she was bleeding-and get on with it.
i wont say no more on this-as it is too horrible.

many years later-
she s bringing a child up by herself and doing a good job of it and is proud of herself to be able to do this-it is the first time in her life she has ever felt proud and its the first time in her life she has ever felt some worth about herself.
she is strong now but in this-
she still feels"not quite as good as anyone else" and "tainted" by the abuse.
she feels that she is one of the lucky ones though-as she knew people that died-either through suicide or drugs.

she loves people but doesnt know how to love people[in a adult realashionship]

when people talk about prostitution-its not always the "happy hooker"scenario.
when theres prostitution-theres a whole lot of other things aswell.

i genuinly dont want to start a fight with anyone and i dont want to disrespect anyone
but id like to say-
just because a man wears a good suit and better aftershave doesnt make him more respectful and it doesnt mean he respects you more.
the money is fools gold and its blood money.
[she wasnt swimming in wealth-her pimp took most of the money-and her punters wasnt the kind to pay lots]
she never really got out of it as-
she phycisally did-but the memories are still in her head-and they always will be.

Beachcomber Fri 24-Sep-10 17:07:05

I suspect that the vast majority of prostituted women have tales similar to your friend's sparky.

"she never really got out of it as-
she physically did-but the memories are still in her head-and they always will be."

This bit makes me feel very sad and very very angry.

I think it could be interesting for us to have a thread which examines the damage in prostitution - and by that I mean the damage only.

We hear enough about happy hookers, men's needs, women's right to consent to being abused, etc. in other places.

I think a feminist thread on a feminist board with an OP like this one should be respected as a place to examine the abuses and damage only the deluded can deny.

sparky159 Fri 24-Sep-10 18:03:46

yep-i agree with you Beachcomber
[we hear enough about happy hookers,mens needs.......]
this is why i posted this thread-
sorry-i forgot to make it clear why i started this thread.
youve said it.

Prolesworth Fri 24-Sep-10 18:28:50

Message withdrawn

Beachcomber Fri 24-Sep-10 18:30:25

Actually sparky I think you made it very clear. Just wanted to stick my oar in agree with you.

dittany Fri 24-Sep-10 19:01:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sparky159 Fri 24-Sep-10 20:01:21

something that is never talked about.
when she was abused and went into prostitution-
she never learnt to grow up properly.
she learned what was expected of her-but this wasnt properly in her heart and being.
many years later-she looks like a adult-but underneath shes still a child.
she doesnt understsnd adult relashionships.
she is very huggy-scared of sex but cries out for love-
cos her love is pure ]unlike what was shown to her]
but no one understands this or her.
the answer to men that harm like this is-
i feel very sorry for the women/girls[and probably boys]that are taken over here and exploited.
i wish i could do something for them.

Beachcomber Sat 25-Sep-10 15:06:39

This is why I get annoyed by 'choice/sex positive/fun' feminists making the claims they do about prostitution.

Most prostituted women have not had much choice, do not have positive sex experiences and they certainly aren't having any fun.

I don't understand why so many people choose to ignore the high rates of histories of abuse amongst women in prostitution.

I remember once, ages ago, having a discussion with my DH when he was coming out with all the clichés about choice, oldest profession, etc. I told him about the high rates of abuse in prostituted women and asked him if he thought it was ok to use the 'services' of a woman with a history like this.

He kinda blanched a bit, said 'absolutely not', got a bit upset and then totally and utterly changed his views on prostitution.

I think this is the normal, humane reaction of one who has based their views on ignorance and media portrayals but then changes their view once they become informed and think about the wider context a bit.

What I don't understand is how so many people can brush off this information and continue to talk crap about empowerfulized women making choices and being in control.

Also why do people get so stupidly irrate over the idea that one's past and childhood affects one's decision making when it comes to prostitution? Most of us will accept this concept when it comes to things like the partners we choose, how we bring up our children, react to conflict, etc. So why do the rules change when it comes to prostitution?

sparky159 Sat 25-Sep-10 22:26:20

i think it comes down to how society sees women and how society sees certain things Beachcomber.

i think that society sees it as-
at one end-happy hooker-and a woman who is ok with what she does-so this is ok.
and at the other end-the street walkers who are drug addicts-so they dont matter.

i think some of society dont even realise that women are being tooken over here and forced into it aswell-and if they do probably some would think"oh its nothing to do with me".

the stupid thing is though-we have a big drug problem in this country aswell now-
and to get drugs-you need money.
the drug problem is affecting people right across the classes-and its not just the problem of working class people going into street walking no more.

because of the drug problem-we have gangs/drugs/violence and prostitution.
some people think"oh-theyre all black people-
so its ok[racism rules-eh]
but theyre wrong.

added to this-yep-theres the people who have started off being abused-
when this happens[as ive already said]its easy for a [lowlife]pimp to get her into prostitution for hes own means.

people think its as easy as-
get the girl into detox for her drug problem-
give her therepy-then hey presto-she ok.
then wonder why these girls keep going back to wrongness!
apart from the fact that theres not enough services and these services are being cut all the time-it runs far deeper than this.

actually-the whole lot is a fuck up-
people are thinking"oh its ok-its not in my backyard-so ignore it"

its not helped by the media[think page 3 ect ect ect]

it isnt helped by the stupidity of people saying-"well-if it wasnt for prostitutes-more women will be raped"

user1482899995 Wed 28-Dec-16 05:10:10

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MysticTwat Wed 28-Dec-16 12:06:39

I'm glad this thread has been revived.

Especially since there is a lot of talk of legalising prostitution.

I also agree that once abused, women/girls are easier to manipulate.

There was a louis thetoux documentary years ago, were similar was high lighted.
One woman wanted to become a porn star but she had her limits and boundaries on what she was comfortable doing. A director in the industry strangled her or suffocated her (can't remember which) , On purpose during filming porn. The guy said this was how to open womens minds, to want to do other stuff. A couple of days later her limits had gone out the window and she was seemingly happy to do anything and have anything done to her.

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