Please be kind. I'm so upset about this problem, which has been going on for over four years now.
DP and I had always had a very active and enjoyable sex life. Four years ago I went for my first smear and abnormal cells were detected so I went for a colposcopy. All fine, thankfully. However the colposcopy & the after-effects were incredibly painful - the nurse didn't use any kind of lubricant, so hurt me, and I also developed an infection at the colposcopy site. It took two doses of antibiotics to get rid of it.
Ever since then (and having waited ages for me to heal), every time DP and I have sex, I tear in the same place, just at the opening to my vagina. It's turned sex into something I actively avoid because unless we use one specific position - which neither of us really enjoy - and barely move, I tear. It's painful and DP feels terrible because he sees it as him hurting me (no matter it's during a consensual act). He's not a giant, and I've never had this issue previously, even with a much larger man.
I eventually went to the GP this time last year and she suggested using vaseline every day on the site and trying to stretch it, which I did for a few weeks, but I didn't really notice a difference. I went back before lockdown and she tested me for early menopause (I'm also always really dry and we always need lube, even with that I tear), but those tests came back clear. It might be that I don't produce my own lubrication because I tense up and expect it to hurt, I worry I'm stuck in a self-perpetuating spiral.
I told my sister and she suggested pelvic floor exercises, which I periodically try. I know I should be doing these every day.
DP is an angel and says he doesn't mind, that he loves me whatever, but I still find it really upsetting when I think of the rest of my life like this about something I used to enjoy so much.
It's put me off any further smear tests (I've been fobbing off the doctors for a few months now, blaming COVID) and was a huge contributory factor in me deciding I didn't want children (the thought of giving birth with a propensity to tear during gentle sex makes me feel sick).
I've been delaying posting on here for months. I'm hoping someone will have been through this and have something that worked for them. I just feel so, so sad about it all and so angry about the original nurse who gave me the infection. It was all fine before then.
I need to fix this somehow because, rationally, I know it's stupid to avoid my smear test and it could save my life. I also have a family history of cancer (non cervical), so I know I am higher risk for cancer generally. I just have a huge mental block in case another test makes it worse (original abnormal cells were due to HPV, so I'm expecting another abnormal smear).
Please help. Sorry, this was a lot longer than expected but it's good to get it out!
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Women's health
Constantly tearing during sex - anyone else
6 replies
NC202011 · 24/11/2020 15:50
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