Constantly tearing during sex - anyone else

(7 Posts)
NC202011 Tue 24-Nov-20 15:50:04

Please be kind. I'm so upset about this problem, which has been going on for over four years now.

DP and I had always had a very active and enjoyable sex life. Four years ago I went for my first smear and abnormal cells were detected so I went for a colposcopy. All fine, thankfully. However the colposcopy & the after-effects were incredibly painful - the nurse didn't use any kind of lubricant, so hurt me, and I also developed an infection at the colposcopy site. It took two doses of antibiotics to get rid of it.

Ever since then (and having waited ages for me to heal), every time DP and I have sex, I tear in the same place, just at the opening to my vagina. It's turned sex into something I actively avoid because unless we use one specific position - which neither of us really enjoy - and barely move, I tear. It's painful and DP feels terrible because he sees it as him hurting me (no matter it's during a consensual act). He's not a giant, and I've never had this issue previously, even with a much larger man.

I eventually went to the GP this time last year and she suggested using vaseline every day on the site and trying to stretch it, which I did for a few weeks, but I didn't really notice a difference. I went back before lockdown and she tested me for early menopause (I'm also always really dry and we always need lube, even with that I tear), but those tests came back clear. It might be that I don't produce my own lubrication because I tense up and expect it to hurt, I worry I'm stuck in a self-perpetuating spiral.

I told my sister and she suggested pelvic floor exercises, which I periodically try. I know I should be doing these every day.

DP is an angel and says he doesn't mind, that he loves me whatever, but I still find it really upsetting when I think of the rest of my life like this about something I used to enjoy so much.

It's put me off any further smear tests (I've been fobbing off the doctors for a few months now, blaming COVID) and was a huge contributory factor in me deciding I didn't want children (the thought of giving birth with a propensity to tear during gentle sex makes me feel sick).

I've been delaying posting on here for months. I'm hoping someone will have been through this and have something that worked for them. I just feel so, so sad about it all and so angry about the original nurse who gave me the infection. It was all fine before then.

I need to fix this somehow because, rationally, I know it's stupid to avoid my smear test and it could save my life. I also have a family history of cancer (non cervical), so I know I am higher risk for cancer generally. I just have a huge mental block in case another test makes it worse (original abnormal cells were due to HPV, so I'm expecting another abnormal smear).

Please help. Sorry, this was a lot longer than expected but it's good to get it out!

OP’s posts: |
HotPatootiebootie Tue 24-Nov-20 15:58:26

I have this boy for different reasons. I tear continually after being out on a hormone blocker. It seems to have thinned the tissue and is quite uncomfortable. I was given hrt pellets with an applicator but I didn't get in with them. What I did find that really helped was using a little capsule of vitamin e and applying it directly to the external skin once or twice a week, and using replens every day. After a while I went down to every other day for the replens and not it's once a week if I feel a bit dry. Lots of lube and forplay and I tear much much less these days. Sex is enjoyable again where a year ago I would see that cheeky glint in my husbands eye and my stomach would drop and my vagina would shut up shop. He was very understanding and started getting as nervous as me. It really affected us both so I'm very glad it's sorted out.

JinglingHellsBells Tue 24-Nov-20 19:03:30

How old are you?

Blood tests for peri menopause aren't accurate and NICE advises GPs not to do them on women over 45. Even in younger women it can be inaccurate.

My advice is you ask for estrogen cream to use on the area, which will help strengthen the tissues and increase lubrication. It's called Ovestin and is on prescription. I feel the idea of using mineral oil like Vaseline rather odd.

I've used Ovestin for about 14 years (I'm probably a LOT older than you!) and my gynae says use it for 10 days before a smear to help them get enough cells and also make it more comfortable.

NC202011 Tue 24-Nov-20 20:24:12

Thank you both so much for your replies smile

I've looked at replens but it says it can cause thrush, so I will ask for Ovestin (a quick google doesn't say that's a side effect). One of the other problems was 12-odd months of reoccurring thrush after the antibiotics finished, which was so bad I had to excuse myself from meetings (sorry for TMI). It was awful. I only got rid of it by doing everything - no sugar, canesten, cotton underwear, cotton tampons, unscented soap, buying natural fibre trousers and no longer wearing tights... it was a complete nightmare and I don't want to go back there.

@JinglingHellsBells I'm early 30s. I didn't know that about the blood tests, thank you. The GP said she'd checked all my hormone levels and they were fine. She said I could go for a scan, but as it was at the start of lockdown I said no (didn't want to add to NHS pressure).

OP’s posts: |
Aldilogue Sun 20-Dec-20 21:24:40

I second the suggestion of an estrogen pessary or cream. I used them for a little while after kids because the walls of my vagina were thinning and sex was painful.
It really helped.

girlmummy25 Sun 20-Dec-20 21:36:51

OP. I have this exact same problem - mine seems to stem from having my DD (not vaginally) but had 2 nurses (1 a student) keep checking me internally during labour and im sure they tore my inner labia as ive never been the same down there since for sex.

This has been 18 months now.
Everytime I have sex I tear, its only a small tear but its like a paper cut and can make the first bit of sex horrendous!
Mine is at the entrance to my vagina (the bit closest to my bum but the inner labia i believe)
I also get thrush once a month roughly. It seems like after i tear from sex i then get thrush a couple days later.

Im on a referral to a gynaecologist from my doctor- just waiting for the appointment although ive been waiting 3 months already. Im fed up as im sure you are too

peppita Sun 20-Dec-20 21:46:09

I have vaginismus, which can be caused by trauma. Could it be this?

Even though they say it's a mental block (I had a traumatic experience), it can also be a physical issue. My vaginal opening is tight, ex partners have commented on it being tight. For them it might be enjoyable but for me it has always been uncomfortable.

I do produce enough self lubricant, however it still hurts me. I haven't teared before because I don't usually let them stay inside for more than a few seconds because it's too painful - sorry if TMI!

Could this stem from the trauma of your smear, and also from prior tearing causing some kind of mental block, and thus leading to you not wanting to have sex, so not producing enough lubrication and then tearing?

It's shit, I'm really sorry. I wish I could enjoy sex like everyone else!

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