AIBU to be worried

[brightsquirrel]

i hope im not invading a space not meant for me, i made this account because i need a bit of ‘mummy advice’ right now that my own mum can’t give me. im 17 and my mum has a referral to the breast clinic next week and i am really really worried. a few weeks ago she went to the gp and was diagnosed with mastitis, they gave her anti biotics and then changed the course because they made her ill. the infection cleared up but her breast is still swollen, it is not red, warm or heavy but the gp did note like a grainy feeling. there is no thickening of the skin, no skin rash, dimpling, swollen lymph nodes or lump however she does have like an aching pain near her arm pit she is not ill either. the gp referred her to the breast clinic 2 weeks ago for an urgent referral because she is 49 which is the same age that her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, she died five years later when it spread to her lungs. if anybody has any advice on what i can do to help her or has any experiences of their own they can share i think that would really help i am so scared right now and i can’t talk to anybody really about it, i can talk to my friends but they can’t really relate so it’s hard i feel like a broken record :( also no body else in my family knows except for my dad so i can’t even really talk to my brothers or anything

[lawandgin]

Hi OP, I'm sorry to hear about what's going on. First of all, referrals to the breast clinic are really common (I've been before and I'm 32) and most of the time, are nothing to worry about. Inevitably, sometimes there will be something to worry about, but she would be in excellent hands if that were the case.

My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer last year. It was the worst year of my life in all honesty. But, we made it though her surgery and radiotherapy and she is all clear! The things I did to support my mum at the beginning were: don't smother her, but let her know you are there if she wants to talk. She will need to process her own feelings and my mum found it hard because she felt like she had to support my Dad, who absolutely went to pieces. She may respond differently, some people shut their family out. It's all normal, but just let her know you are then when she is ready. You could offer to go with her (it can be a long and stressful day). Take a notepad so you can write down anything you might need to remember. It's easy to forget in a stressful situation and you will find yourself trying to guess though Google. Speaking of google - DO NOT do it! You generally only find the horror stories online. You will torture yourself and it achieves nothing. If the worst does happen, be positive but not over the top. I went shopping with my mum to get everything she needed for her surgery and afterwards. Cook meals, keep the house clean and keep the family updated. My mum's family drove her crazy wanting updates, so I created a family WhatsApp group to share the news in one place.

Finally, look after your own mental health. There are some great support groups on facebook for family members and the cancer charities also have helpful forums.

I have everything crossed for you. If there's anything else you want to know, just ask. Xxx

[Abraid2]

Urgent referrals for myself or members of my family always make me feel scared, even though I know logically that the chances are it's just because an NHS protocol is being followed. I had a procedure today for something that is probably just a benign polyp but very very possibly something more serious. I know my daughter is worried: she's nearly 22 and a medical student and certainly should know that the odds are in my favour. Uncertaintly is horrible, isn't it!

You sound like a lovely daughter and your Mum is lucky to have you. I really like it when my daughter makes me a cup of tea or walks the dog/puts on a load of washing on and hang it out without me asking or reminding her.

They may not let you accompany your mum. I can't go with my own mother when she sees an oncologist and my husband couldn't go in with me today.

Also bear in mind that cancer treatments are way better now than they were back when your grandmother died.

[brightsquirrel]

hi @lawandgin thank you so much for all your kind words and your mum is amazing for going through all of that and you are too, i will definitely take your advice although i will say i’ve already been on a google deep dive which didn’t end well 😅 i should be able to go with her unless im in school i’m not sure what time her appointment is but i shall update the thread with her results :) thanks again you have really made me feel so much better !!

[brightsquirrel]

hi @Abraid2 thankyou so much for your kind words you’ve really made my day, i’ve got everything crossed for you and i hope you come up all clear - you deserve it!! im sure it is just nhs protocol given her family history but you hear the words breast clinic and your mind runs wild with it all ! i’ll definitely try and go with her to the clinic if i’m not in school and maybe sit in the car but who knows, it’s probably best to do some revision or something as i can’t go out w/ my friends right now :( i’ll update the thread when i find out more thankyou so much and i’ll be thinking of you!💗💗💗

[Abraid2]

We’ll be thinking of you and your mum and please do update us!

💐

[lawandgin]

@brightsquirrel you are welcome. You sound like a lovely daughter 😊 wishing you and your mum all the best and do let us know how she gets on. And don't forget to check yourself too - I've only been doing it since my mum's diagnosis which is terrible! Coppafeel.org will show you how xxx

[brightsquirrel]

hi @Abraid2 @lawandgin just wanted to update the thread and say it’s not cancer!!!!!! she went today and had a mammogram on both breasts and a full examination and both came up completely clear, she has inflamed muscles around her armpit and breast which explains why it’s swollen and painful i am so over the moon i could cry well - i have already lol , thank you both so much for helping me you really eased my mind both of you are completely lovely and i hope to be like you when i am older :))))) xxx

[Abraid2]

Oh what lovely news! I am so happy for you and your mother 🍾 Thank you for telling us. X

[itbemay1]

Lovely news.

[lawandgin]

Oh @brightsquirrel that's brilliant news! Really happy for you and your mum 😊 take care xxx