But I found it hard to see any in real life...everyone knows each other, blatantly oppose to play date (despite my daughter and their daughter addressing them the question) and seems to find everything 'so cute' or 'so funny' argghh damn they are 5 years old....of course they are cute and funny...5% of the time the rest is mix - I find most of the school mums either toxic or so openly rude it makes me question my choice of school!!!! And I am not talking about the stay at home mums just in case; I am outspoken and grew up abroad where speaking up is the norm! I am probably too much for them as I tend to be fairly honest and direct yet always polite but hey? is it not that the school is teaching the girls??? Sorry rant over - nursing a G&T The floor to you!
It might be that we all have busy lives, there are times when I was doing the school run going through my todo list in my head staring motionlessly at the ground as I drag DS along the narrow busy pavement, I must have missed a lot of his and hellos and the other mums must have thought the same as you did; and at home time too with 20 things going through my head, contemplating how to ask the teachers about a delicate/bullying matter.. there must be conversations that I have missed, without realizing it!
So you see mums at the school gates, immediately (it can be inferred from what you describe) think they are idiots or 'toxic'. Then come out with the classic toxic excuse that you're too honest/upfront (again implied better) for them.
Then you go into a rather unclear ramble about what the school might be teaching girls (the children, however, you admit yourself are getting on as they want play dates).
You ask for a play date. Is your body language revealing your judgemental thoughts? Is your tone? Is your honesty meaning you say "I think you are a moron because you find kids "cute", and some of you are toxic - lets all go to the park together!".
It takes two to tango. They don't sound nice, but frankly you don't sound very friendly either.
And in my experience people who say "I'm just too honest" are often being rude and lacking empathy. So they only friends they make are people just like them - no one different, no one cleverer/less clever ... not because those people are different but because everyone else feels judged.