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"what's the point of having babies?" - a colleague just said that to me

(22 Posts)
TinyTear Tue 29-Mar-16 13:45:24

Woohoo someone actually said "what's the point of having babies" to me at work

At lunchtime, conversation round the table, 7 months pregnant colleague saying she is planning on coming back at 6 or 7 months. I say that of my two, one went to nursery at 8 months and one at 10 and it was easier with the 8 months old as it was before the separation anxiety...

This other one (youngish, no children) makes holding tiny baby on lap gestures and a very sad face and says "what's the point of having babies?"

I just turned to her and say "wow that is a stupid thing to say"

She got soooo offended, it's my opinion no need to be so rude and I just replied what she had said was also a very rude thing to say...

I think some people so find the word "stupid" quite bad (it's not the worst thing I could have called her in my opinion) so maybe that is what she took offense to...

Then again, about a year ago when I was the pregnant one this is the woman who in a conversation said "What would you do if your child was gay?" so I guess I should just ignore her opinions and stop having lunch with her

(FYI I just came back 6 weeks ago and my DD2 turns 1 this week)

That1950sMum Tue 29-Mar-16 13:50:14

It was very rude of her to say it in front of women who have gone back to work so quickly as it should have been obvious to her that she would cause offence. She was tactless, rude but not stupid. Maybe everyone needs to apologise!

TiredOfSleep Tue 29-Mar-16 13:55:38

Did she mean what's the point in children, or what's the point in having them if you plan on returning to work and leaving them?

I think you'd have been better educating her myself, but I can see how you could see it as an attack and got defensive.

TinyTear Tue 29-Mar-16 13:58:45

I did apologise to her for saying it was a stupid thing to say... she did not apologise for anything she said...

She is from a different culture, maybe in her country women just don't go back to work...

TinyTear Tue 29-Mar-16 14:01:56

She meant the point of having babies if you are going back to work...

TinyTear Tue 29-Mar-16 14:05:13

I did then after try and mention about maintaining your career and how my mother never worked, was always having to go cap in hand to my dad for money and I swore to myself that would not be me...

I actually, in my opinion, might consider reducing my hours when my girls are in primary school so I can pick up more often than now, when they are fine and happy in nursery and I can continue my job and build up the savings for the future

snorepatrol Tue 29-Mar-16 14:10:27

My MIL said something like this to my lovely sil when she was pregnant with her 3rd child. She told her she didn't see the point in her having another baby as she was just going to 'farm it out anyway' when she returned to work

Apparently it was ok for me to work as I have two dc but as SIL was having her third baby MIL decided this was the line confused

I don't know how I managed to have a happy childhood going by MILS standards I'm 1 of 5 and both my parents worked full time. I certainly don't think I have any long standing issues haha

megletthesecond Tue 29-Mar-16 14:15:13

Some of my 50 - something colleagues make comments like this. Heaven forbid a mum comes back to work and puts their baby in nursery.

Drives me nuts but I've not been in a position to say anything so far.

motherinferior Tue 29-Mar-16 14:15:20

It was stupid. And offensive. Good for you.

TinyTear Tue 29-Mar-16 14:17:04

megle the thing is she is only 25 or 26! not 50-something!

motherinferior Tue 29-Mar-16 14:17:23

And I'm 52, btw. Took four months off with both of mine. (I don't get paid maternity leave, and also maternity leave drove me slightly bonkers.)

TinyTear Tue 29-Mar-16 14:18:29

I'm not her favourite person anyway...

the first week I came back, again around the lunch table, she tells the pregnant colleague "wow you look tiny"

I just said (a bit more calm that time) "don't comment about a pregnant woman's size, we get paranoid enough"

TinyTear Tue 29-Mar-16 14:20:32

motherinferior in my country 4 months used to be the maternity leave (actually not sure if it's changed as I left more than 15 years ago)

8 months is ideal for me in my opinion... before 6 months too soon for me, especially with feeding, lack of sleep and oversupply, after 8 months I was going stir crazy and thinking my girl was getting totally bored with me too!

Mumblechum1 Tue 29-Mar-16 14:33:21

I think most 50+ women, myself included, went back waaaay earlier as we didn't have a year ML as standard. 3 months and 6 months here.

kickassangel Tue 29-Mar-16 14:37:17

I always answer "I don't know, have you asked the fater?" If anyone says something like this.

The whole "women staying home to raise babies" was a complete fallacy invented at the end of the second world war because unemployment was high and the govt was worried about soldiers coming home and having no jobs. More money was spent on the "get back to your kitchens" campaign than any of the other war time campaigns.

There has NEVER been a time in history when the majority of women didn't work.

btw - the point of having babies is survival of the species.

TinyTear Tue 29-Mar-16 14:51:33

Ah yes, she did look a bit taken aback when PC (Pregnant Colleague) said that when she comes back at 6/7 months, the father will ease off/stop his freelance work and stay home with the baby for another 6 months or so before nursery...
Maybe she doesn't think dads can SAH...

Buckinbronco Tue 29-Mar-16 14:53:29

I think I would tackle her formally actually. It's not an appropriate thing to discuss in the workplace

Pinkheart5915 Tue 29-Mar-16 15:00:05

She is rude.
I assume she meant why have babies and go back to work? I am lucky enough to own my own business so I don't have to but some women want to some women (like my mum) have to.
She doesn't like mums that work, dads that stay home and asks people what they would do if there baby was gay, well she really is a proper little charmer!!

I wouldn't bother having lunch with her any more

TinyTear Tue 29-Mar-16 15:06:32

I don't often pink... But I came back with my food and all the others were round the table and asked me to join and I needed some chat after being stuck with a tummy bug most of last week

I tend to be the loner who bows out of communal lunches more often than not...

squizita Thu 12-May-16 14:10:22

Tell her (in front of male colleagues with kids) to ask them. Tell her. Tell her to ask them what the point of being a father is if you're not at home? angry

squizita Thu 12-May-16 14:11:03

The whole "women staying home to raise babies" was a complete fallacy invented at the end of the second world war because unemployment was high and the govt was worried about soldiers coming home and having no jobs. More money was spent on the "get back to your kitchens" campaign than any of the other war time campaigns.

YY this.

lljkk Thu 12-May-16 14:22:56

Tell her you think having babies doesn't conflict with working. Full stop. End of conversation, move on. Why get het up about what she thinks. You're giving this woman way too much of your head space.

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