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Boyfriend or Job?

(41 Posts)
Ferngirl Fri 09-Nov-12 15:27:05


This is my first post so I apologise if I get it wrong! I'm also dyslexic so I'm afraid you will have to grin and bare my shitty grammar or ridiculous spellings! I will do my best though.

I'm 23 years old and live with my partner of nearly 6 years. We live in a quite part of the world and after two years of fighting live in a great 2 bed house with garden. We both work full time and have both been with our employers for 2+ years. Neither of our jobs are practically well paid but we are young and get by. We also have two dogs, but they are mine really smile We have been having some problems in the last 2 years, nothing major. In my heart of hearts I don't think we are forever, I think we are turning into friends. I do love him.

I am extremely keen to progress with my company and am getting close to moving up a level. My partner is doing okay and getting some qualifications under his belt.

My boss has just been promoted and is relocating. She has unofficially asked me if I would go with her although not immediately. Tbh I'm still in shock she even asked, I'm extremely flattered and feeling pretty good about myself grin. My immediate reaction was yes! The problem is I'm 99% sure my partner will not be up for moving...

My question us what would you do? Give up a fantastic opportunity for someone I'm not 100% sure about (it really pains me to say that). Or give it up and see what happens..

All I can think about is what would happen to the dogs if we split, I doubt I could afford a house on my own. It would have to be a rent a room job...

Sorry if it's a bit jumbled..

Ferngirl Fri 09-Nov-12 19:18:49

Anyone..? sad

Ragwort Fri 09-Nov-12 19:21:21


The fact that you are even asking means you are not 100% sure about this relationship - and 23 is very, very young to settle down with someone.

Roseformeplease Fri 09-Nov-12 19:22:48

I think you have to think long term. Where / who do you want to be in 5/10 years. If you turn down an opportunity you might regret it. Also, he might just want to move and to put your needs first. Good luck. Don't let your dilemma spoil the pride you should feel in being offered an opportunity.

YouSeveredHead Fri 09-Nov-12 19:23:43

Job - and that is ok you are allowed to say goodbye to him.

Crikeyblimey Fri 09-Nov-12 19:25:37


He "might" be up for a move but if not, at 23 the world could well be your lobster. Go for the j

Yama Fri 09-Nov-12 19:25:45

'My immediate reaction was yes!'

Go, a thousand times go.

Crikeyblimey Fri 09-Nov-12 19:26:37


He "might" be up for a move but if not, at 23 the world could well be your lobster. Go for the job. We only (usually) regret the things we didn't do.

Good luck.

YourHandInMyHand Fri 09-Nov-12 19:26:44


tribpot Fri 09-Nov-12 19:28:22

Go, a thousand times go.

I support this a thousand more times! You would be crazy to give up this opportunity. Life is for living, go to it!

BeerTricksPott3r Fri 09-Nov-12 19:29:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nkf Fri 09-Nov-12 19:31:53

Go for the job.

IslaValargeone Fri 09-Nov-12 19:32:58

Job without doubt.

MissWinklyParadiso Fri 09-Nov-12 19:34:23


I once read that we only really regret the things we don't do. Don't let yourself regret missing this opportunity.

Shakey1500 Fri 09-Nov-12 19:38:17

Job. But I'd also have the conversation with him. He might be up for a move and be reinvigorated. You might have both been in a rut and the move might ignite a spark. Six years is a long time at your age.

Of course,this is academic if you truly feel the relationship has run its course. In which case end it, develop your career and good luck!

Ferngirl Fri 09-Nov-12 19:38:46

I'm sat here threting about the amount of that I've spent on furniture in the last year. I'm being totally ridiculous aren’t I I!

It's just a shame as I have everything I thought I wanted...

He won't come with and even if he did I know he would hate it..

I just know I'm going to come out of this looking like a total bitch, we live in a v v small place and this will be gossip of the year.

StaceeJaxx Fri 09-Nov-12 19:39:36

Job. If the relationship was meant to be you will work it out. If not then so be it. If you stay in a relationship you're not 100% sure about, you will end up resenting him anyway. Definitely go for the job.

Crikeyblimey Fri 09-Nov-12 19:41:13

But to hell with tue gossips - you won't be there to hear it. You'll be living your new life.

MsHighwater Fri 09-Nov-12 19:42:13

Boyfriend whom you think is probably not for life or exciting new job opportunity?

In these circs, job, without a doubt. Even if the job turns out to be less than you hope, you'll never know unless you try it.

trixymalixy Fri 09-Nov-12 19:43:53

Job definitely!!!

RubyrooUK Fri 09-Nov-12 19:47:04

Take the job.

If this is the guy for you, he will understand that, support you and you'll work round the distance. DH and I have not always even lived on the same continent at times, but we always knew we'd be together. If we hasn't made it, I'd have known it wasn't the right relationship.

You're not a bad person to take a job. If you explain to your partner that you have the offer to move for work and you would like to take it, then he can make his own choices. Come with you or not. And if not, do you both want to try and make it work long distance? That's another decision.

If this guy isn't forever, you're making a mistake staying with him. If you think he could be, there's no reason you can't move together or be together long distance.

LynetteScavo Fri 09-Nov-12 19:47:39


At 24 I gave up my job to be with my partner partly because I knew it would be a long term thing and the job wasn't. If he loves you enough he will come with you.

RubyrooUK Fri 09-Nov-12 19:49:08

If we hadn't made it....sorry for stupid iPhone typing...

TheHeadlessLambrini Fri 09-Nov-12 19:50:18

<eyes up DH --not in a good way-->


I may have PMT though and DH is breathing at the moment so this may colour my advice

tribpot Fri 09-Nov-12 19:52:49

I thought this was a good quote:

"A ship in port is safe, but that is not what ships are built for. Sail out to sea and do new things."

- Rear Admiral Dr. Grace Murray Hopper

I think it will be remarkably difficult to care if the people of your town think you're a bitch ... when you're not there to hear them.

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