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*****Desperate for advice.....please help :( ********

(6 Posts)
tna79 Tue 27-Oct-09 10:22:13

Hi All

Gonna get straight into my problem.

I have been with my husband for nearly 12 years (married for 5). we have the most amazing son who has just turned 4. He was my entire and i was living the fairy tale. I met him when i was 18, he was 30 with children but it didnt matter i loved him so much!!

2 and 1/2 years ago i found out he was having an affair, (he was 40 at the time and she was 20) i was devastated and even tried to justify why he might have done it to my friends and family??? Since then I seem to have changed as a person, physically (ive lost nearly 6 stone) and mentally, i am strong again and want to laugh grin

I have started going out with my friends, which i never did before and he just plays golf, we have nothing in common anymore. He wont come out with me he says 'its not my scene' I honestly think i have forgiven him for what he did, however what he did has changed me and i want more from life sad

He keeps saying he will change, he said after the affair he would and we had a big bust up a couplke of months ago and he said the same then, its lasts a week and then hes back to being boring and grumpy.

is it the age gap(12 years) or is it whats happened...i feel guilty if i go as he has no parents of family except 2 daughters who are both enjoying their own lives. i absolutely adore his girls adn probably get on better with them than he does.

Anyway i have blurred enough, please some advice, should i leave, or try a break? Whats best for our son?

alypaly Tue 27-Oct-09 10:28:36

you have to do whats best for you and ultimately that will be the best for your son. I lived with my ex for 8 years....he never wanted to talk....was always playing golf at weekends, whilst i was with the boys 100% of the time. He never had 'us time'. Then i found out he had been seeing his ex fiance ,so i waited til april fools day and asked him to leave. The boys have never suffered, infact they have said that they were glad,as all the arguing stopped and life became peaceful. I still see him now and we are best of friends. The boys never suffered ,did well at school and are really level headed and realistic about life. Never stay with someone just because of the are living a lie that the children will never be grateful for.

ronshar Tue 27-Oct-09 10:29:03

Do you still have fun together?
It doesnt matter too much if you have separate friends as long as you spend time together. It is important you make the right decision for your DS. Have you tried finding some common interests?
It sounds like you are finding yourself following becoming a mother and now need more to stimulate your brain. Do you work? Maybe getting a job will help you both.

Not sure what else to suggest!

ChunkyKitKat Tue 27-Oct-09 11:38:47

He keeps saying he will change. When the change lasts a week, what does he do that is better than before?

Have you definitely decided you want to leave or just have a trial separation?

alypaly Tue 27-Oct-09 11:52:53

My separation has been for the last 14.5 years. its been tough going but better for all of us as he was soooo grumpy unless he was playing GOLF

tna79 Tue 27-Oct-09 17:09:55

thanks for the response, answers to a couple of ur questions, i do work 30 hours a week sometimes more if we need the money, i also play for ladies football team so do get out.

we dont do anything together at all other than eat silence...and watch tv in seperate rooms.....

we are just gonna try a break at the moment

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