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Advice Needed!! Does My Baby Prefer my Sister

(13 Posts)
jjbean Thu 01-Oct-09 23:37:53

I feel really silly about this but I'm feeing quite down and could really use some rational perspective.

My DS is 10 months and has really been clingy to me since birth, I breastfeed and am a stay at home mum. He doesn't really go to anyone but me and when I'm not in the room he looks for me and cries. We are living with my Mum and younger brother at the moment because our place is having work done. My sister lives near by and pops in 2-3 times a week. She's desperate for her own child and has referred to my son as 'her baby' since he was born. She has always tried really hard with him and he would laugh and play with her but always cry back for me...However, the last couple of times she's been over he's just run to her and last night he wouldn't come back to me, which broke my heart!!
The thing is my sister and I just don't get along and this morning she called and tried to psychoanalyse my relationship with my son(she has a phd in psychology), she thinks he needs time away from me and that's why he didn't want to come back to me.
Don't know what to do?

Cadelaide Thu 01-Oct-09 23:40:30

Look, your son loves you because you're his Mum. Nothing can change that, you are the most important person in his world.Fact.

I think it's your sister that needs psychoanalysis, tbh. smile

Cadelaide Thu 01-Oct-09 23:42:15

Nothing wrong with him loving her though. I encourage my three to spend as much time as they wish with all of our extended family. The more people that love them the better, surely?

You just need to be more confident in your No1 position.

Dominique07 Thu 01-Oct-09 23:46:38

Oh don't worry - my DS has relatives he appears to prefer, but it seems to me he sees them as his equals like playmates and he doesn't show them the respect he does me - I am his authority figure and his no.1. who he can always rely on.
So let her play with him, let him enjoy having such a smart auntie, he will always be with you because you're his mum. Soon you'll move back into your own place and your sister will prob have her own baby eventually!

Olihan Thu 01-Oct-09 23:49:07

Ignore your sister, her 'relationship' with your son is totally warped and she is playing some very worrying mind games, imo.

Referrng to someone else's baby as 'my baby' is not on at any level and it appears she is attempting to undermine your relationship with him through all her 'professional' advice.

Yor baby loves YOU and you will always be the most important person on his life. A 10mo old baby can not possibly have the skills and knowledge to be able to indicate that he needs space from his mummy. I don;t know what her PHD specialised in but I'd guess it wasn;t infant brain development. She is talking rubbish and her need for her own child is making her behave slightly strangely.

Be confident in your position as his favourite, bestest person in the world smile and let her comments wash over your head.

groundhogs Thu 01-Oct-09 23:49:46

OK, I was kinda just reading only, thinking, hmm, what to say... until i got to your last paragraph.

She may have a phd in psychology, but she failed her frigging NVQ on sisterhood.... angry

She's been making a huge fuss of him since the day he was born, and now she's trying to tell you to back off a bit... WHAT?

I know she's your sister, and all that, and ordinarily family sticks together and all that, but FGS, that woman is trying to come between you on some warped level.

Arrange to be out as often as possible, put some distance between your sister and your son, sounds like she's overly attached and now trying to pull something wierd with the relationship between you and your son. Has she always been hellishly jealous of you?

If you do happen to be there when she pops round, Keep calm, don't give him over to her and if need be, say he's having his nap, feed, i'm playing with him, whatever - if you have to, remind her that he is NOT 'her baby', he is yours and you'll be grateful if she could spare her pop psychology for someone who wants their life/relationship screwed up.

She is WAY OUT OF LINE!

Shitemum Thu 01-Oct-09 23:52:16

She may have a PHD in psychology but she doesnt have a clue about babies.
WTF does she mean 'he needs time away' from you?
He's 10 mo!!!!

He doesn't prefer her, it's just the novelty value after being mostly with you all day.

Cadelaide Thu 01-Oct-09 23:55:37

I don't agree with groundhogs at all.

If your son enjoys his time with her I think that's fine. As I said, it's all about you being confident about your position as No1 in his life.

After all, she can't literally take him away from you, now can she? Honestly, at some point he will have had enough of her and he'll want his Mum. That will not change.

Your sister is a twonk and you and your son need time away from her, IMO.

It's entirely normal for a baby/young child to turn on the charm for someone other than the primary caregiver and be a bit "off" with the primary caregiver. He feels secure with you and doesn't feel the need to make a big play for your attention.

groundhogs Fri 02-Oct-09 00:18:35

The playing, OK, the trying really hard with him.. OK... Calling him 'my baby'? hmmm hmm

All kind of explainable and i agree with everyone that said groundhogs get over yourself, if it were just that...

But phoning OP up and telling her that her 10m son needs time away from his monther, and that's why he won't go back to her?

C'mon! That's WEIRD in any language!!

skybright Fri 02-Oct-09 00:30:38

She sounds like she is doing her very best to undermine your mothering confidence.

Your baby will love you the most,it does not matter if he or she cries for your sister,mother,child minder or the dog.you are the number one mum and any amount of nastiness from her will not change that.

plantsitter Fri 02-Oct-09 21:40:25

Um, it wasn't bed time when he wouldn't come back to you, was it...?

Heated Fri 02-Oct-09 21:49:28

Sounds like jealous wishful thinking on the part of your sister, "justified" by some pseudo nonsense psychology to make her sound like she knows what's she's talking about. She doesn't. Laugh at the daft bint and tell her "I'll remember that advice for when you have your own."

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