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- that's it really, what would you do?

(26 Posts)
bibbitybobbityhat Wed 23-Sep-09 16:32:59

I have made some nice mum friends at the dc school. Have known them about three or four years now, we are a group of about five or six. I like all these women, but would only regard one of them as a close friend iyswim.

Anyway, maybe once a term we all go out for an evening. About 3 or 4 terms ago, I realised that I just don't enjoy these nights out (I find them terribly dull, there's usually a lot of chat about school and the dc, at least one member of the party gets so pissed she needs to be helped home, usually by me as I know when to stop, the same topics of conversation go round all the time).

So now a date has been proposed for going out for a drink quite soon. I cannot go because dh is working that night (hooray!) - I have said so BUT now the rest of the group is insisting we change the date to a date I can do.

I wish to say, look, just go without me, I don't want to come anyway.

Can I do that? Will they all shun me from now on? And not let their dc be friends with mine?

I feel I am too old now to have to go on nights out, which are supposed to be fun for me, which I just don't enjoy. But I'm a well brought up person and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

Any ideas anyone?

allaboutme Wed 23-Sep-09 16:37:43

Say your Dh is having unpredictable shift patterns at the moment and you couldnt possibly mess them around several times as his work dates changed, so please go ahead without you.

pagwatch Wed 23-Sep-09 16:39:59

TBH i think you need to suck it up.

Often these evenings can be a bit dull as people stay on safe topics. People get drunk because they either go out rarely or they drink when nervous.

But it is great to have people that are friends and support while our children move through school.

I don'tthink you will hurt their feelings but you are making a bit of an issue if you actually say 'I don't want to come out' rather than hoping to have an excuse.

I think you are being a bit churlish. And don't forh
I also don't forget that you are sitting there being as dull as they are. Perhaps you need to liven it with your astonishing and witty conversation wink
And hmm and shock atthe notion of being too old to go out and have a social drink


pagwatch Wed 23-Sep-09 16:41:32

But remember "don't forh"

<< no notion what I was trying to type there>>

cocolepew Wed 23-Sep-09 16:41:58

Turn the conversation to bumsex something other than children, go where there's music, get drunk and dance. That's what I do and it's great.

AstronomyDomine Wed 23-Sep-09 16:43:36

grin at cocolepew

pagwatch Wed 23-Sep-09 16:44:32

Actually OP, just go to cocos mums night out


cocolepew Wed 23-Sep-09 16:45:32

We're going next Friday if you want to come wink

bibbitybobbityhat Wed 23-Sep-09 16:45:43

I wondered if I was being churlish.

I am very nearly as old as you paggy wink(I have been kicking around on Mumsnet a long time under a different name) and I have good friends, know how to have a good time, don't worry. I just find this particular group a bit dull. They all seem to enjoy these evenings out though, cos they keep organising them!

I don't mean I am too old to go out for drinks! I mean I am too old to do things I don't want to do just to keep other people happy grin.

hullygully Wed 23-Sep-09 16:47:21

Agree with Paggykins.

You are a right old misery. Put your satin and tat on and go out. Make them talk about other things.

bibbitybobbityhat Wed 23-Sep-09 16:52:35

But I don't want to go!!!!!!

Right, I'm gonna keep bumping this til someone agrees with me and tells me how to word the group text ...

<folds arms>

(sadly dh does not work shifts sad)

cocolepew Wed 23-Sep-09 17:00:45

Dear Mums,
You are boring, I'm staying in.
See you Monday.
Love and hugs Bibbitybobbity. x

BlueKangerooWonders Wed 23-Sep-09 17:03:59

dh going for promotion so he has to work late a lot?
a new diet/ religion for you so you can't go drinking?
erm, can't think of anything else!

Or just go!

YouCantTeuchThis Wed 23-Sep-09 17:07:59

"I'm washing my hair that night"

what night?

"all of the possible nights, really go on ahead"


Ach, just go! Suggest a different venue, or maybe get the mum you like to come and have a glass of wine and dinner or something at yours beforehand, and you can get 'into the mood'?

MadreInglese Wed 23-Sep-09 17:13:56

Life is too short to do things you really can't be arsed to, but you can jib out without being offensive

Why not just say to them that you don't feel like going out much at the moment so they should go ahead without you and you might go next time (then see how you feel next time)

bibbitybobbityhat Wed 23-Sep-09 17:40:08

Oh you lot are all much nicer than me. I am an old git, obviously.

Perhaps they all feel the same way and we are all sitting there bored to the back teet? grin.

pagwatch Wed 23-Sep-09 17:45:25

paggykins !

<<pag faints away with pleasure>>

Bibbity. I'll come with you. We can talk about the Vyella sale and how much better the music was in the 70's and arn't the nights drawing in and why is the music always so loud ( "I SAID WHY IS THE MUSIC SO LOUD") .
And we can do this [catsbumface] and they will never trouble you again.

Thats what I always do

bibbitybobbityhat Wed 23-Sep-09 17:51:46

Yep, and then we can link arms and go off to the bingo. And I'll bring a flask of tea and you can bring the corned beef sandwiches grin.

pagwatch Wed 23-Sep-09 17:56:57

I have one word for you


RealityIsNOTDetoxing Wed 23-Sep-09 18:01:34

Message withdrawn

ramonaquimby Wed 23-Sep-09 18:12:20

I have a group of friends like this, our kids are the same age. I always say to dh - never again - but I do end up going. Is pretty boring as we never get past taking about the kids (all at different schools now) hasnt' been one for a few months --thank god-- so must send out some emails. haha!

bibbitybobbityhat Wed 23-Sep-09 19:30:19

Heh heh.

Don't you dare send any emails Ramona! Just let the meetups quietly die a death.

So, I sent a text: can't come, don't rearrange for me as I will cancel again if dh gets offered more work any night, also I'm off the booze atm, please all just have a lovely night without me.

Two of the four have texted back saying "no no no no we can't possibly do it without you!!! xxx"

So ... why aren't the other two bothered - that's I want to know grin.

YouCantTeuchThis Wed 23-Sep-09 21:29:07

why don't you go and stir up an almighty row, then no-one will think it's a good idea in the future!! grin

BlueKangerooWonders Thu 24-Sep-09 04:11:26

Oh dear - if I read 'also I'm off the booze atm' I'd immediately think you were pregnant and demand that you come out with us and tell me all the details!

thumbwitch Thu 24-Sep-09 05:45:31

I get the impression from the two who have texted you that the night will be even more boring if you don't go!

Perhaps you could suggest a change of venue - take them to somewhere you really want to go that might either stir them out of their humdrummity or frighten them so much that they never ask you again...

Or, go into overdrive and talk ALL NIGHT about your DC and how Maaaahvellous they are, until they are all biting their fingers off.

Or tell them you can't possibly go out as your DH is suffering from some dreadful anxiety thing and has to have you by him AT ALL TIMES in the house, just in case...

Or you could just go and tell the truth when you get there - "Is it just me or does anyone else find these evenings a tad dull?"

Good luck - not the easiest of situations; and be careful because it does run the risk of backfiring on you rather spectacularly.

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