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Or more how would you do it - telling MIL to give DD some space

(7 Posts)
chachachachacha Sat 19-Sep-09 21:41:10

DD is 4 and has a great relationship with MIL.

MIL used to look after her every fortnight before dd started school. MIL completely dotes on dd and I've noticed that recently she just does not leave dd alone - every moment that she's with her she's stroking her hair or trying to cuddle her - she just won't let dd have any personal space.

Last time I noticed that dd started to feel really uncomfortable and was practically squirming away from her and was looking at me to get an escape route - I asked her to come to me for a cuddle and she couldn't have ran to me any faster.

Spoke to dd this afternoon about it to make sure I was picking up on the right feelings and dd said that her nana gives her too many cuddles.

So, how would you tell a doting MIL to back off?

chachachachacha Sun 20-Sep-09 09:57:38


SomeOtherStupidBitch Sun 20-Sep-09 09:58:33

How old is dd?

chachachachacha Sun 20-Sep-09 10:02:45

She's 4.

SomeOtherStupidBitch Sun 20-Sep-09 10:12:51

I do sympathise.My mother isvery attached and huggy.I have 4 dcs and my youngest is 4. It is easier having the attention divided between the 4 of them Isuppose but the older ones do find it very hardgoing.
No real solutions I'mafraid but you're not alone and I'mv happy to talk around ideas.Obviously the sooner you can sow the seeds of change,the better.
Has your dd just started school?

MamaG Sun 20-Sep-09 10:19:47

My MIL is like this. With my DC, when they got to about 4 they'd say "get off Grandma!" and that did the trick! If you say anything, you'll hurt her feelings. You have to tell DD htat if she doesn't want a cuddle, she should tell grandma she wants to go play now. It's not a bad thing to teach your kids that its OK to tell an adult they don't wnat a hug

chachachachacha Sun 20-Sep-09 10:50:21

Yep - DD's just started school and I think that's made my mil even worse - Its like she wants to keep her as a baby. She hadn't seen her for a few weeks so she was even more intense than usual.

I did speak to dd about saying its alright to say no - dd just said that she forgot. I think she's so aware of not wanting to upset her nana.

My mil just doesn't pick up on any non verbal clues - dd is quite happy to tell my mother that she doesn't want a cuddle but I think that's because she knows that my mother will just say 'ok' and carry on as usual. MIL would be devastated if she heard that.

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