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Should I move closer to family and friends or stay put?

(7 Posts)
KIttyWalker Wed 16-Sep-09 09:36:53

I currently live 2 hours away from my family and friends. We have lived here for a year and are to stay in this area for 3 more years. In 3 years time DH's job will be in Birmingham and so we will move there. We currently rent but have promised ourselves we will buy next time and stay put.

DH is away from home a lot more that we initially thought he would be and following the birth of our 3rd baby this year I am finding life a bit tough! I have made few friends in this new area and although DH suggests getting out, joining clubs, evening school etc this is virtually impossible because of his job and time away from home.

So after a discussion last night DH came up with the idea of the children and me moving home. He would be home slightly less than he is now but is hoping to negociate a work from home day a week.

He has a masters he is trying to study for but doesn't get much time to do it, during the week he could really get stuck into it leaving the weekends as family only time.

The plus side for me would obviously be my family and friends would be close by and could provide a bit of support and company.

Part of me wants to jump ship and go home now while the other part of me thinks, I'm a big girl, this is life and get on with it.

What would you do?

KIttyWalker Wed 16-Sep-09 09:56:45

bump smile

pruneplus2 Wed 16-Sep-09 10:36:28

I think I would be inclined to move closer to my friends and family. Especially with a new baby.

If you are feeling isolated then it may turn into resentment. At least being back with your friends and family you will have the support as and when you need it and, as you mention, quality family time with your DH at weekends, if that pans out for the good.

My children are older now so I would be perfectly happy to up sticks and go anywhere (preferably as far away as poss from my family sometimes!!!) but in the early years their support was invaluable and I dont know to this day how I would have coped without them.

Good luck, I hope you find the right solution for you and your family.


KIttyWalker Wed 16-Sep-09 12:37:05

Thanks for your comments, worried I am feeling a bit sorry for myself and might regret going home.

KIttyWalker Wed 16-Sep-09 12:52:18

Also concerned that I am cutting down time spent with daddy just to make ME happier iYSWIM

KIttyWalker Wed 16-Sep-09 15:43:16


laurasarah Fri 18-Sep-09 10:02:14

Hi kittywalker

I am in a similar position. We moved for my husbands job 3 years ago from County Durham to Derbyshire.

I have two girls 8 and 5 but they were only 4 and 2 when we first moved. My situation was slightly different because my mum and dad both died quite young and so I didnt have the pull of family being supportive as have never had this.

For the first six months I cried every day and wanted to go back so we put the house up for sale and decided that was what we going to do. Anyway when it came down to it I just didnt feel that I could disrupt my kids lives again by uping sticks and going back and so have decided to stay. At the moment it feel the right thing to do and like you say we are big girls and we should be able to stand on our own two feet.

I suppose what I'm saying is give it a bit more time but I would take your husbands advice and get involved in everything you can. I know its hard when your husbands away a lot as my is away Monday to Thursday so I have got my self a babysitter who I pay once a week so I can go out and have some me time. I still wouldnt say I'm entirely happy with my decision and I miss my close friends a lot but its not like your'e on the other side of the world. Get them to come and visit you even if its just for a night.

Good luck I hope this helps. X

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