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can't afford a party this year what to do for birthday without upsetting school clique

(30 Posts)
micramummy Tue 15-Sep-09 10:45:30

My dd is 6 in november, her primary school is really quite cliquey and the parties are getting ridiculous, I am a student nurse and just cant afford to do a party this year. I suggested she invite 5 girls to a little princess tea party at home and keep it small and cheap but she said her other friends will get upset......she is probably right, AND the bloody parents! hmm

she is an only child and thrives on having friends over but how do you do this?

random Tue 15-Sep-09 10:49:05

I would just invite the 5 friends .my dcs never had whole class parties when they were small... I never really was part of the party politics at the school gates tho grin

GodzillasBumcheek Tue 15-Sep-09 10:53:06

Have the small tea party and make sure she realises that if her other friends know why she can't invite them all but still get stroppy, they aren't that good friends are they?

As for the parents...who gives a crap? Can't stand it when people do the old 'well you didn't invite Persepoop to your DDs party so she's not coming to mine'. How childish.

GodzillasBumcheek Tue 15-Sep-09 10:54:02

Ok maybe things aren't as clear cut as that, but they blardy well should be!

Carrotfly Tue 15-Sep-09 10:56:07

I would just have the party at home with the 5 class mates. Much more special in my opinion.

I dont think its unusual to go your own way. Some of the more pushy mums might give you a hmm but so what ?

You have to make the decision tbh, not your 6 ear old.

<<words of wisdom from a mother with a stroppy 12 yr old>>

micramummy Tue 15-Sep-09 10:56:23

well Im not either I just know that she has been invited to lots of parties and we cant possibly invite them all back?

I would actually like her to have a little party I just dont want uspet little children and parents feeling snubbed and dont see why I should have to tell the world that I am a skint student and be the talk of the school gate
I really should be stronger and not give a s*e!

potoftea Tue 15-Sep-09 10:56:49

I wouldn't have any party at all if you feel word will get out that some were invited and others weren't.

Let people know you are doing just a small family tea this year.

Then let your dd have friends over for a nice tea another time, but don't mention birthday.

I didn't have a party for my dd one year as I was heavily pregnant, but didn't feel I needed to mention it to anyone. However one mother took offense to her daughter not being at my dds party, and was very off to me for ages. I didn't even know why until it was to late to explain that there was no party anyway.

jeee Tue 15-Sep-09 10:58:19

I think 5 is too many/not enough. If you invite 2 or 3 really close friends, I think most people accept it. But once you invite as many as 5 it's often far more difficult to draw the line between close friends/friends. And then you end up with other children being deeply upset. Though this does depend on the number of girls in her class. And maybe there are 5 clear 'best' friends.

Sagacious Tue 15-Sep-09 10:59:45

My dc's didn't have parties last year (5th and 7th potential parties)

I shrugged and said credit crunch (and a couple of mums said thank god and didn't have parties either)

I like to call myself a trendsetter.

I really wouldn't fuss about cliques tbh.

micramummy Tue 15-Sep-09 11:06:26

I just said 5 because thats a number I can manage in the house and can happily play and entertain themselves with a bit of music and party food.

even taking a couple of friends to the zoo or something is SO expensive! isnt it. She said she would be happy to go to the zoo and take her 2 best friends but even thats almost £20 each! and then more for me and daddy. Plus HAVE to have a birthday cake of course and off we go...... your off to an easy £100 already! its crazy isnt it

Lancelottie Tue 15-Sep-09 11:25:50

COuld you manage taking them to a girly film, then back for tea and cake? More like £5 a child then, and easily limited by how many you can realistically transport (we've done that before now -- 'just taking a few friends on the bus/inthe car' makes it clear you can't have many).

micramummy Tue 15-Sep-09 11:33:15

true true, if there is anything appropriate on at the time thats a good idea.

Portofino Tue 15-Sep-09 11:38:26

Dd didn't have a party this year either - I sent a cake to school and sweety bags for the class as seems to be the tradtion here. But we couldn't afford a party as well. She has been invited to plenty but I figure we always buy a nice present so I'm not shortchanging anyone. I do invite her schoolfriends round to play occasionally at the weekend.

MrsBadger Tue 15-Sep-09 11:54:11

yes 5 an awkward number

two to a film is good (take your own sweets and icecreams)

ramonaquimby Tue 15-Sep-09 11:58:26

you don't have to always invite back if you get an invite, it doesn't work like that! dd is invited to parties that she doens't have them back here, and vice versa. works on the laws of averages. big parties are ridiculous - someone was inviting 40 kids to one (recent thread) that's not for the child.

Mybox Tue 15-Sep-09 11:58:49

Wouldn't do a party at all - just find the peer pressure too much & I bet the other mums will be pleased you stopped following the expensive things they've had to provide.

ShannaraTiger Tue 15-Sep-09 12:07:06

My dd is 6 in October, we live in a 2 bedroom council flat so no way can we fit any more than 3 friends eating off trays/ 'in-door picnic'. Might rent out a video and buy pop corn etc. - not sure yet we are seriously skint after spending way too much on holiday, so at least we have an excuse for her. blush

micramummy Tue 15-Sep-09 12:24:08

yes I went to one of her school friends parties a few weeks ago, 37 children, three rooms, one big hall with bouncy castle, another oom with model making and craft work in and another room with a disco shock

brimfull Tue 15-Sep-09 12:34:58

how about taking her 2 best friends to child friendly pub for a meal or similar on her birthday

LilRedWG Tue 15-Sep-09 12:35:42

Not quite at that age yet but I know my SIL looked horrified when I said that DD can have a few friends around for her birthday party next year (she'll be four - we haven't bothered until now) for a tea party and games.

Her DD will be having a disco at a football club, with a buffet and bar on for parents - apparently she has to invite so many children it's not feasible at home.

Personally I feel that this sudden thing about who has the biggest, best, parties and having to invite EVERYONE is getting ridiculous.

When I was a child (God, I'm getting old) we went to people's houses, ran riot, ate jelly & ice cream and played musical statues - that is what I want for DD and I wouldn't be suprised if there are a lot more parents out there who want that, but are too worried about the cliques to do it.

Blimey - didn't realise how strongly I felt about this. blush

LilRedWG Tue 15-Sep-09 12:38:25

Not decided what to do about parents yet. May tell them that they are welcome to drop off and then pick up a couple of hours later - surely DH and I can manage half a dozen pre-schoolers for a couple of hours - or stay, totally up to them.

MrsBadger Tue 15-Sep-09 12:44:31

I am of the LilRedWagon persuasion

we went to a very stylish 2nd birthday with a catered buffet, flash cakes etc but all the kids wanted to do was race round the garden with the dolls' buggies.
I invited the child to dd's 2nd (5 kids + parents in our garden with sandwiches, crisps and a bubble machine) and I swear she had more fun.

When she is 3 it will be a teddy bears' picnic in our garden - I think a theme helps a lot, as even if the food / entertainment / no. of kids is not exceptional it will still be remembered.

Doing a charity shop trawl and having a few friends over for a 'dressing up party' migth have legs for a winter birthday.

My own birthday was in the winter so I often had a 'birthday treat' ie one or two best friends to a film/pantomime/ballet instead of a party.

teech Wed 16-Sep-09 02:49:20

There must be another child in her class who has a birthday in the same month. Why not approach their parents and suggest a joint party? They'll probably be relieved too. Hire a hall and split the cost. Make sandwiches, jelly etc and make sure you have a full compliment of games to play and prizes to give.

Invite the whole class, but put on the invitations (or have a quiet word in the playground)which child they should get a gift for. The result should hopefully be that both children get a card from each guest, they get half as many presents (but probably won't notice if you keep them distracted) and neither you nor the other parents become persona non grata in the playground.

Maybe? I know the cost of halls can be quite prohibitive depending on where you live!

thirtypence Wed 16-Sep-09 03:11:37

Don't share a party with anyone - unless you know them really well. Ds went to a very large whole class party hosted by 3 parents, and it was a ridiculous affair - they ended up spending the same probably and they only got 1/3 of the presents.

I have told ds when he is 7 he can have one friend over to watch a video and eat pizza and the friend can stay the night. I have also refused any sleepover offers so that it remains a treat for him.

seeker Wed 16-Sep-09 05:59:29

"I have also refused any sleepover offers so that it remains a treat for him."

That's a bit extreme, isn't it? He's not been allowed all the fun of going to other people's sleepovfers in order for the one he's going to have in the future is kept special??

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