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how to change the way that playdates happen with dd's friend

(10 Posts)
MagNacarta Mon 31-Aug-09 22:07:53

DD1 has a friend who lives in the same street as us, children don't tend to play out in our street as it's not a road that's suitable. When they were younger we arranged playdates, which would be after school until about 6 and include tea with Mum's collecting. They are old enough now to go home by them by themselves and play together after school a lot now usually at our house. Dd's friend is lovely, but a very fussy eater and won't eat a lot of meals that my dc's have regularly.

As she comes to play a couple of times a week I'd prefer it if we could change things so it's more of a play and then go home for tea. How do I say this to her Mum without giving offence, she can be a bit tricky. When they come out of school asking to play there have been times that I've said that I haven't got enough food. Friends Mum then offers to have them at her house, but the girls both prefer to come here. I'm happy to have her here to play, but the mealtimes are a bit painful. What do you say?

Katisha Mon 31-Aug-09 22:09:50

Can you just be completely honest and say it's difficult because her DD seems unhappy with the food you offer?

trefusis Mon 31-Aug-09 22:10:03

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thisisyesterday Mon 31-Aug-09 22:12:27

yes, either be honestand say you find it difficult to feed her, and would she mind if her dd went home for dinner.

OR, just keep serving up whatever you;re making for yourselves. she might surporise you and start eatying it :D

trefusis Mon 31-Aug-09 22:13:03

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ravenAK Mon 31-Aug-09 22:25:17

I would just serve up whatever would be for tea if she weren't there.

If she doesn't want it, offer a piece of fruit or slice of bread & butter (unless this would start your own dc off wanting fruit/bread, in which case don't offer it...)

If she hasn't eaten when her mum arrives to collect her, just say so, neutrally. It's her mum's choice to then suggest picking her up before tea, or to decide that one missed meal/eating later isn't really a big deal.

If you have 'previous' of faffing around trying to find something she'll eat, just stop doing so! If the mother asks you about it you can say that now you have more than one dc, a) you are busier & b) you don't want to let your own dc get the idea that you're cooking to order...

cat64 Mon 31-Aug-09 23:07:38

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MagNacarta Tue 01-Sep-09 19:08:29

Thank you everyone, I find the Mum hardwork tbh and she's the type to be offended if I mention anything about her dd and food.

franklymydear Tue 01-Sep-09 19:13:48

Hi, I'd like to change the way we do playdates. dD is welcome to come until 5.30 but can she come home for her dinner

leave it

if asked say it's because you like to have family meals now and she's around twice a week and you think it would make more sense if now they're older that it was just until dinnertime

Countingthegreyhairs Tue 01-Sep-09 19:19:54

As it is such a regularly occurrence I wouldn't go out of my way to change my ordinary cooking habits. I'd try and veer towards cooking something she doesn't actively hate though (if that's possible of course!!)

Could you speak to her mother and put it in the form of being worried for her dd and wanting her advice?

Say something like "We love having your dd over to play but could I ask your advice please as I'm worried that she isn't eating very much at supper. [Insert lame joke about cooking skills to soften blow] Would you prefer it if I serve her the same food we are having or should I give her some bread/milk/fruit as a stop-gap until she gets home? Which would you prefer?"

As you are being very kind and having her over so often, I think it would be unreasonable if she took offence at that. I'd be pleased someone was concerned for my dd in that way tbh.

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