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My nephew got married & divorced all before he was 22. My brother & his wife know nothing.

(14 Posts)
OldDoe Tue 18-Aug-09 10:29:58

Can't quite believe this myself!

Nephew is now 24 and in the armed services.

My niece (his sister) had a big heart to heart with me (she is 22) and eventually told me she has been keeping this secret from her Mum & Dad for so long and she hates it. She wishes she didn't know. She recognises that it was all a few years ago now and it's none of her business BUT it IS her business that she has to 'lie by ommission' to her parents.

Now I know! Damn it to hell and back but like my niece, I wish I didn't.

Niece has begged me not to tell my brother or let on to my nephew that she's told me.

WWYD?

brimfull Tue 18-Aug-09 10:31:22

why can't the parents know?

LoveBeingAMummy Tue 18-Aug-09 10:32:44

I wouldn't say anything. If he was still married or just about to get divorced then maybe but if its all over and done with whats th epoint?

Goblinchild Tue 18-Aug-09 10:32:56

How would it benefit the situation for you to tell? It's between your nephew and his parents.
There are lots of other topics of conversation. I'd feel differently if there was a child involved, but do they know about every one of his relationships?
Why does marrying one of them make it different?

itsmeolord Tue 18-Aug-09 10:34:02

I would keep my gob shut. Your nephew is an adult, it is absolutely none of your business. Your niece shouldn't have confided in you without telling her brother first if he had asked her specifically not to.

AMumInScotland Tue 18-Aug-09 10:34:03

Is he estranged from his parents then? He's an adult and can do what he wants without telling them, but it's unfair of him to make his sister keep the secret for him.

If I was her I'd tell him she's not going to keep schtum any more and he should either tell them himself or accept that she's going to do it.

OldDoe Tue 18-Aug-09 10:35:58

ggirl - precisely - why can't they but apparently, they just can't! Seems ridiculous to me but since when did I get the inner workings of the young, male mind! grin

Goblin - Marrying one of them - because their first born got married and they knew/know nothing of it

OldDoe Tue 18-Aug-09 10:39:15

itsmeolord - she's confided in me. She trusts me. I'm a trusted 'adult'. She burst with the pressure and came to me - fair enough.

AMIS - not estranged at all, believe it or not. Which makes it all the odder. Think the point about niece putting it on the line is possibly the way to go though.

LoveBeingAMummy Tue 18-Aug-09 11:01:21

The only thing you can do is encourge your neph to tell his parents.

LadyOfWaffle Tue 18-Aug-09 11:05:25

He is an adult, he doesn't need 'telling on'. He isn't a drug runner, I don't understand the pressure of the knowledge? Forget it. I would be fuming if someone was running to my mum reporting things I have done as an adult.

AMumInScotland Tue 18-Aug-09 11:06:07

I certainly think you'll damage your relationship with your niece if you tell them yourself - and it's good that she feels she has someone she can talk to, so I don't think that would be fair. After all, it's not the kind of "secret" which means someone is in danger, where the fact you were told "in confidence" no longer applies.

But if she's bursting from having to keep this from her parents, then I think she needs to take action.

VinegarTits Tue 18-Aug-09 11:20:52

wHY DO THEY NEED TO KNOW, he is an adult and its his business to tell them if he wants them to know

(sorry for caps, couldnt be arsed to delete and start again)

Goblinchild Tue 18-Aug-09 11:36:32

Maybe it seemed like a good idea at the time, but he knew they might not like it, so he didn't tell them. Then it went wrong, he got divorced and moved on. And still didn't tell them.
I can see my brother doing something similar, he took a nine month contract in a very dodgy part of the world but good money. Didn't tell my parents, they thought he was in the States.
God bless mobile phones. smile

OldDoe Tue 18-Aug-09 15:36:34

Thanks all.

VT - I don't have a real answer other than to say, secrets are destructive. Secrets inter-family are the worst kind of all. And I feel jolly uncomfortable knowing this about my brother's child and knowing HE doesn't know. Or my lovely SIL. We're a close family and it feels all wrong.

I'll keep me gob shut though.

Thank you all.

Goblin - I can see my middle brother doing summat similar. Like the time he bought a motorbike and tried to keep it hidden from our Dad....round the back of the shed....that would be our Dad's shed! Took Dad less than one day to find it grin

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