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After agonising, i told dh about mil. Think its ok, but would you have done it?

(15 Posts)
sunburntats Sat 15-Aug-09 15:56:57

She has cancer, wont tell any one except me and fil.

wanted to wait for her biopsy results before telling any one.
Had biopsy about 4 weeks ago and was told that she would have results between 3-7 days.
She has not, she wont ask about them....says she doesnt want to know.

so dh planning our big family holiday for 18 months from now. (with ils)
I have suggested that we go next summer a very bad feeling about this cancer thing.

He wants to know why, so i got upset and told him.

he was okish about it.
would you keep something like this from your dh?

Tortington Sat 15-Aug-09 16:00:47


flimflammum Sat 15-Aug-09 16:01:56

That's quite a burden that she's given you. Did she really think you wouldn't tell your DH, her own son? Maybe part of her wanted you to tell him so she wouldn't have to.

Sorry it's a hard time for you all.

WorzselMummage Sun 16-Aug-09 15:44:08

I have told him too. You did the right thing

Paolosgirl Sun 16-Aug-09 15:52:55

I would have told him too, but as Flim says that's a terrible burden for you either way. She'll not be thinking straight at the moment - so sorry for you all sad

I'm maybe misunderstanding your post, but do you mean she won't ask the hospital for her biopsy results?

cocolepew Sun 16-Aug-09 16:12:41

I would have told him too. Sorry you are going through this, I think my FIL is ill and is keeping it from us, I don't know why they think it's better this way.

floatyjosmum Sun 16-Aug-09 16:13:06

just wondering...
had she been told it was cancer or was waiting for biopsy results to find out if it was? its just i had a biopsy done at the beginning of the year and i was told if it was cancer then i would be told withing a week if not a letter would come out and i think this took over a month.

I would have told him too, no question

sunburntats Sun 16-Aug-09 18:36:58

She was told in crystal clear terms that she has cancer, it is agressive and fast growing.
Bipsy would confirm, they said that they "might" write to her with the results (!!!WTF)
She has had radiotherapy.
they have not and she will not persue it saying she does not want to know.

I have asked her to phone about her liver scan results and her biopsy results. She has phoned but was told that they were not back yet,
It has been 6 weeks since her liver scan and almost 4 weeks since her biopsy. (
They said 3-7 days for biopsy results.)

If it has spread to her liver, she should know to have further treatment AND to tell her family.

She has buried her head completely, mean time wanted me to say nothing to dh who is dismissing organising an earlier family holiday than the planned one in 18 months....had no clue about how ill she is.

cheesesarnie Sun 16-Aug-09 18:39:27

sunburntatssad you have done the right thing imo.

fruitstick Sun 16-Aug-09 18:41:53

I remember your post from when she first told you.

You have done absolutely the right thing. I agree that she probably told you so that you could tell your DH instead of her.

People don't react rationally in these situations.

So sorry for you all.

sunburntats Sun 16-Aug-09 18:42:55

Thanks cheesy, feel bad for betraying her.

Jumente Sun 16-Aug-09 18:50:23

Tats she put you in a position nobody should have to bear, choosing between your DH and her to betray

to not tell him would be a betrayal that could rock your marriage to the core

That's so very unfair on you, and she shouldn't have asked you to do it.

Without knowing her and how the dynamic is between all three of you that's my perspective. Please don't say he is upset with YOU about hiding the truth?

sunburntats Sun 16-Aug-09 18:53:06

No he isnt upset with either of us, not at all.
He understands her perspective and understands why i have had to tell him.
He is not going to say anything to her, let her tell him in her own time....(NEVER it would seem).

This is quite typical of her about everything in life really.

Jumente Sun 16-Aug-09 18:56:10

Oh good that's brilliant. smile

See you were right to do it. You found the middle way and keep everyone happy.

I expect perhaps she didn't want to burden him? Or have him treat her different maybe...tis hard to understand.

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