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Being the subject of gossip....

(14 Posts)
completelyshotpelvicfloor Fri 31-Jul-09 10:57:18

just picked up my dd from playdate and was told that the return visit to our house would not happen because she didn't think that her dd would be safe.

turns out that the play dates mum had heard gossip that our small neighbourhood has regular afternoon wine drinking sessions on the communal lawn and that the children run around unchecked by their parents. school gate has it that my neighbours smell of booze at the drop off in the morning.

i explained that i rarely drink alcohol, even at home when children have gone to bed, and that i always supervise my children when they are playing out. i promised that i would not let her child come in contact with any social stuff that my neighbours do, except possibly to walk past them to get to our house. playdate set up but this has worried me - what should i do?

lal123 Fri 31-Jul-09 10:59:30

No advice unfortunately - but regualr afternnon wine drinking sessions on the communal lawn sound magic - Can I come?

random Fri 31-Jul-09 11:00:52

Yes where do you live ...sounds like fun grin

randomtask Fri 31-Jul-09 11:04:22

I'd be furious someone judged me by gossip about other people. Personally, I'd think I'd rather my child wasn't mixing with 'those sort' of people and would rather she was with the drinkers!

However, since you sound like a much nicer person than me, I'd leave it up to this Mum to tell the others and that once her child comes back in one piece having had an amazing time, the rest should see that.

completelyshotpelvicfloor Fri 31-Jul-09 11:16:08

Good advice! I don't have a problem with the "drinkers" - they are my neighbours - I just have much younger children than them and can't manage to drink wine and do everything else for such little children. I tend to have the odd cup of tea with them and let them get on with it.

It seems, though, that there is some other gossip coming from my neighbours that I am up tight because I don't join in and am fairly strict with my children - regular bed time for example - and that they - my children - are repressed.

Seems like I can't win - either I am avoided because I am a lush or derided during wine sessions because I won't join in - argh!

randomtask Fri 31-Jul-09 11:19:13

Seems like they all need to grow up and not behave like school children.

Do what you know is right for your children. Then when yours do better/are happier/don't turn into drunks just smile sweetly....

I hate adults gossiping, it makes me stressed. In the past I've stopped talking to everybody I know who's gossiped and although my social life got quieter, I was a lot happier. I hated school because of gossip and feel adults shouldn't behave like that.

ginnny Fri 31-Jul-09 11:20:10

I'd be really angry if I were you.
How judgemental is that?
Some of my neighbours are a bit dodgy and their dc often play out in the street till all hours but mine don't. They might think I'm stuck up but i don't really care.
Nobody has stopped their dc coming to my house because of my neighbours and if they did I'd tell them to get stuffed!
Its ridiculous.

completelyshotpelvicfloor Fri 31-Jul-09 11:26:18

Yup - avoiding the gossips sounds like the best option - I think I'll try the smile sweetly approach (albeit through gritted teeth) when I'm out supervising the children. Unfortunately dd is the only kid not invited to play in the neighbours houses when the wine club moves inside in poor weather so I have to contend with her feeling left out as they hang out of the windows crowing. Would invite her other friends to hang out here and leave the neighbours children outside but hey, they wont come because their parents think I am a lush.....catch 22 no?

FabBakerGirlIsBack Fri 31-Jul-09 11:27:34

I wouldn't consider this person a friend anymore.

randomtask Fri 31-Jul-09 11:32:04

Why don't you invite the wine kids to come to your house whilst their parents are comatose? Then your DD won't be left out and you won't have to deal with the parents or be 'stuck up'. But that depends on how nice you feel...

completelyshotpelvicfloor Sat 01-Aug-09 21:19:08

I did have them all here plus parents not so long ago and it was ok but stressed out my ds having so many children here at once so might have to limit it to one at a time. I guess I could organise a play date for each one at a time and put a time limit on it so that I don't end up as a long term babysitting service- just like I would do with a non neighbour. Good idea. (PS As I am related to one of the "wine mums", it's difficult to be cut and dried about the friendship comment from fabbaker although, believe me, I am beginning to agree that there is little friendship there!) Thanks everyone - I feel better now.

completelyshotpelvicfloor Thu 06-Aug-09 22:14:58

Quick update - playdate return visit happened today. Wine mums had been out for a posh lunch and returned to party on the green. Playdate mum arrived for pick up of child just in time to hear raucous laughter and champagne corks popping (oops).

Child returned none the worse for wear having spent three hours with us. Just had a text saying that she had a lovely time and asking my DD round next week.

JOB DONE as Ramsay would say.

Suzy123 Sun 23-Aug-09 17:40:31

Youve just entrusted your child to her care and she comes back and says that. Shes got a bloody cheek. Id be really annoyed and id tell her - Sod her, your little one will have many more playdates with other kids, dont worry about that

Suzy123 Sun 23-Aug-09 17:45:27

Oops seems i was a bit late..........glad it went well for your DDs sake.

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