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and what do you do, if every time you opened the backdoor. all you could hear was screaming neighbours kids...

(55 Posts)
ipiratethief Sun 19-Jul-09 21:23:07

cos I am going mad.

Quick scenario, of a regular day

open back door, let cats in, next door's middle girl of about 9, is hysterical and shouting and shouting, and basically stropping for england.

mum is justnt able to get thru to her, and ends up giving in to her. Sometimes, I think 'good for you mother, you aren't giving into her', but then her dd keeps on and on, screaming for like 10 mins, and mum gives into her'

I like them mum, but they are always struggling to cope it seems. Yet my dd who is 6 , well since we have lived here (2 yrs) it's all she hears when she goes in the garden!! I swear tho, one look from me over the fence(very low) seems to stop the little luv in her tracks. She's just crying out for attention form her mum, but to give her mum her due, I can't fathom, what the little girl is wanting from her. There is an older girl too, and a new baby, but this behaviour has been going on for much longer than the baby arriving.

Sometimes I feel like saying, 'I appreciate that .... might be going thru a stage, but it's really affecting my d, and it's depressing'

god, i dunno, i just needed to get it down.

cornsillk Sun 19-Jul-09 21:24:22

Just wait till your dd goes through that stage. I feel sorry for your neighbour.

brimfull Sun 19-Jul-09 21:24:55

could you play music to drown it out

sounds horrendous you have my sympathies

ipiratethief Sun 19-Jul-09 21:27:26

plus, you could also say thy are a fairly, dysfunctional family, i don't know how else to put it. So they don't have an easy life at all, seem to live in alot of squalor, altho the kids are always looking healthy and clean etc... Mum loses her rag and it's 'fucking fuck off' and stuff. yet I know she's a sweet person, just seems to find it hard to cope, and even harder to keep it together.

it's all a bit sad, and i don't wan to interfere, and makes things worse or embarrassing.

ipiratethief Sun 19-Jul-09 21:29:01

cornsilk, i totally know how my post looks, but the dd has been like this for 2 years, i really think it's more than a stage. She is a very angry little girl. I just feel like someone somewhere should be taking a look at why?

ipiratethief Sun 19-Jul-09 21:29:46

i feel for her too, thats why it not only gets to me but concerns me too.

cornsillk Sun 19-Jul-09 21:30:12

What do you mean by squalor? sad at the mum swearing at them.

3cutedarlings Sun 19-Jul-09 21:34:01

Thank your lucky stars that you have such a perfect family!! hmm

Maybe the 9YO has some sort of SNs?? and thats why her behaviour seems so out of the norm!

Just teach you daughter that everyones different and not to judge!! at 6YO she is old enough to understand that IMO.

HTH

cornsillk Sun 19-Jul-09 21:36:32

Agree with 3cutedarlings. Children with SEN or SN can be very angry at home. School can absolutely drain them and they let it all out in a safe place (home). Perhaps something like that is the cause.

GlastonburyGoddess Sun 19-Jul-09 21:36:58

I swear tho, one look from me over the fence(very low) seems to stop the little luv in her tracks

congratulations, you must feel so superiorhmm

ipiratethief Sun 19-Jul-09 21:38:12

the house is filthy, it really is. I mean filthy. I know i sound really judgemental, and i am not trying to be. I know the family were moved here, and had to get away from their last place, as she told me way back when we were chatting. She was glad i seemed nice and had a dd, cos her 'lot (her words) didn't have any friends left where they were'.

She is fair with the kids, from what i can tell, and you do glean quite a bit, with open backdoors, and wafer thin fences! Yet the girl seems so out of control. She is bitchy to my dd over the fence, and has upset her alot. She acts much younger than she is. Yet i can't help feel pissed off that my dd is being affected. I just need to rant.

3cutedarlings Sun 19-Jul-09 21:40:57

ipiratetheif - Did you read my post?

So you dont actually talk to the mother now then?

ipiratethief Sun 19-Jul-09 21:43:37

I just knew i'd get this reaction.

My family is not prefect, I am a lone mum, my dd is in counselling cos of her awful dad, my ex husband. PLease don't judge me so much for being entitled to a bit of peace either. The girl can be really horrible, and I can hear her pushing and pushing her mother. yet she's not daft, hence i gave her a look the other day, and it stopped, the very same look i'd give my dd.

The screaming is happening now, it happens all the time. I am concerend and angry, that this girl, seems to be on the road to nowhere. All her mum seems to say to her mum, 'i just don't know what's the matter with ....', and thats it.

I just feel like yes, maybe she DOES have SN, and it's not being looked at. Yet at school the dd is ok, mayeb the structure is good for her?

cornsillk Sun 19-Jul-09 21:45:33

How do you know that SN is not being looked at? If you have noticed then so will school.

ZZZenAgain Sun 19-Jul-09 21:46:43

I don't know how you can change things ipiratethief but I can totally understand it would get you down and would you like something different for your dd.

ipiratethief Sun 19-Jul-09 21:47:55

3cute darlings

I didn't read your post till after i posted mine.

I still speak to my neighbour, where did i say i didn't?

We talk about the baby, we chat now and again, and see each other on the school run/walk. The kid's out of control, and I just don't think the mum has the energy, the time, or the strength to deal with her.

3cutedarlings Sun 19-Jul-09 21:49:53

That just it you see as cornsilk posted, kids with SNs do quite often hold it together at school and yes your the structure of school does often suit.....oh and im not having a dig here but most kids with SNs arnt daft!! (sorry i know im being petty)

Is this woman also a single parent? does she seem to have any support family/friends?

3cutedarlings Sun 19-Jul-09 21:52:32

would it maybe be possible for your DD and the little girl next door to try and make friends? maybe in the long term this would help ease the tension between them?

GlastonburyGoddess Sun 19-Jul-09 21:53:50

I agree with cornsilk children with sn often "hold it together" at school and it all gets released at home. my ds-5 is the same although he doesnt always manage to hold it together at school. at the moment hes particulary bad because its end of school and they arent doing normal lessons etc so hes routines shot, and he just cant handle it.

my neibours probably think the same about my son as you do about this mother and daughter, but i have another son-3 who is nt and completely different from ds1.

i think that the mother is prob really stressed, having a child with possible sn is hard, they really really push you to your limits and if there is no questionmark over sn, then she probably just feels she has the child from hell, it can really dent your confidence.

ipiratethief Sun 19-Jul-09 21:54:48

I hope it is, I hope it's been recognised. What does SN constitute? , does it have a broad spectrum? including taking into consideration lack of communication at home and coping skills of mum? I understand that the girls is only learning from her mum too, and the swearing goes both ways.

Mintyy Sun 19-Jul-09 21:57:50

That sounds like a really horrible situation to have to live so close to and I really feel for you ipirate.

Is there a way you can talk directly to the girl herself? It seems reasonable to expect a 9 year old to understand that her ranting and screaming outside is unpleasant for the people who live nearby.

Can you ask in a friendly way why she seems to argue with her mum so much? That's where I'd be tempted to start.

Are other neighbours bothered by it?

cornsillk Sun 19-Jul-09 21:58:45

SN or SEN includes many conditions. The swearing is very sad. I wouldn't be happy if my children were hearing swearing from next door all the time either.

ipiratethief Sun 19-Jul-09 22:00:31

i am glad i am able to talk all this thru.

My dd and this little girl were over the garden fence type mates. Use to pop in to play, but she just got really hostile esp over the last year and Dd is soemtimes v sensitive over all her crap too. The girl plays with another friend more now, has kind of moved on age wise iyswim.

I just saw it, in the beginning as 'kids eh' type thing, with regard to the girl getting so upset, angry etc...

I hear it so often, it's part of life, but when i also hear 'oh just fuck of then' form the mum who is obvioulsy losing it too, it makes me grrrrrrrr. I can't change it tho can I. I guess the long summer will be interesting !!

3cutedarlings Sun 19-Jul-09 22:02:32

MMinty a child with SNs may not know the effects it has on others tbh.

And i really dont think its up to the OP to speak to the child!! the mum maybe, but not the child, thats none of her business imo.

ipiratethief Sun 19-Jul-09 22:04:20

god yes, neighbours on the other side too, they have two dc, one age 4 one age 2.
But I know that mother looks down on this neighbour. She doesn't speak to her.

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