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is this an olive branch or am i being gullible?

(31 Posts)
ilovetochat Tue 14-Jul-09 15:31:15

I have known a lady at mother and baby class for 18 months, seen her once a week and our dds are close in age and play nicely.

6 months ago i invited them round and the kids got on well and she never invited me back and was busy the next time i offered so i backed off thinking she was busy.

if we bump into each other at the park we chat and the kids play fine.

3 months ago i text her to see if she wanted to go a park the other side of town, i would have picked them up as she doesnt drive, she never replied so i walked with dd to a nearby park instead. then i saw her and her dd walking up, she said she'd had no credit but thought she would walk up to this park incase i was there? but she thought i was going to the other park so i think she was avoiding me and was embarassed to bump into me?

she said she'd like to go out for the day with the kids so i offered to pick her up the next day for a dayout, she said yes but somewhere cheap as she is skint, so we went to a castle with a park and i paid parking and had a cheap day out. 2 days later i saw her in a softplay having lunch out with a couple of friends (which isnt that cheap)

anyway last month her dd stopped playgroup but she said she'd like to meet up and i said we could meet up that friday if she wanted, she said yes, so i text her thursday night to say weather was crap so to come round mine at 10. no reply but assumed no credit. i waited in, she never came and never texted. i presumed something might have happened but never heard from her and heard through friends she was fine.

2 weeks ago i was on holiday, had a text from her saying she had heard dd was poorly (she'd had chicken pox) and she finally had credit and how was I etc? no mention of not turning up last time or lack of contact. i ignored the text.

I now learn she has been forced to move house because of neighbours and is living 6 miles away in an area where she knows no-one.

I feel sorry she has had to move but think she is only texting now as she is lonely and i have a car.

should i text? offer to meet up and risk her not turning up? or ignore her as i think she is using me when she has no better offers.

WWYD? sorry its so long!

muddleduck Tue 14-Jul-09 15:33:46

Surely all that matters is whether you like spending time with her and her dd?

ilovetochat Tue 14-Jul-09 15:40:11

i like her and dd likes her dd but feel like maybe she doesnt like me as she doesnt reply to texts and didnt turn up and gave no explanation,apology.
she is only about 23/24 and i'm 31 so maybe she prefers the younger moms?

Woooozle100 Tue 14-Jul-09 15:43:17

I frequently don't respond to texts / emails etc. No sinister reason. Often I get interupted / put it off till later then forget

I'm also not amazingly attentive to casual contacts / parents of dc's mates. Am quite happy to see the most of em on an as you crop up basis. I have lots of other stuff going on to be chatty chatty texty with everyone

Doesn't mean I do not want to see the person or I like them less. Maybe she a bit the same?

muddleduck Tue 14-Jul-09 15:43:38

get together. If she doesn't turn up or is rude to you then that it the end of it. If you enjoy it then suggest that do it again.

Perhaps you are over thinking this?

ilovetochat Tue 14-Jul-09 15:45:38

i get a bit paranoid that people dont like me so i might be overthinking it blush but she has never asked me to her house and ignoring texts seems offish.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Tue 14-Jul-09 16:08:22

If she's out of credit (and so can't answer texts) is it possible that she just switches off the phone? Then, when she has cash/credit, it's so long since the texts were sent, there's no point replying?

If you like her and would like to be friends, she's not "using" you, you're being given an opportunity to be generous. But if you don't feel generous, don't bother with her any more.

Tamarto Tue 14-Jul-09 16:11:55

'she said yes but somewhere cheap as she is skint, so we went to a castle with a park and i paid parking and had a cheap day out. 2 days later i saw her in a softplay having lunch out with a couple of friends (which isnt that cheap)'

This here, it was 2 days later, can people not be skint on one day but have moeny the day after?

I hate texts phone her if you want clarification.

alicecrail Tue 14-Jul-09 16:13:03

ilovetochat you sound just like me! I get a bit paranoid and think there must be some sinister reason that someone wants to spend time with me.

She could be really badly organised, and if you find you don't like the way things are going, then just back off, no harm done.

I hope it all works out for you smile

TheFool Tue 14-Jul-09 16:15:53

she could have planned the soft play weeks beforehand, have set money to one side for that, but have nothing for anything else...

Tamarto Tue 14-Jul-09 16:19:06

She may also have been paid or recieved her benefits or even have been treated to it by a friend who doesn't over analyse things!

muddleduck Tue 14-Jul-09 16:58:37

TBH you don't seem to want to give her the benefit of the doubt.
Agree that she would be watching pennies if she had already agreed one trip out that week. This is what I would do.

ilovetochat Tue 14-Jul-09 20:18:49

ok, maybe im being paranoid then and she is just a bit skint, no credit, and forgets texts a bit.

I would like to be friends or at least let dds be friends and play together as they are similar girls. as you say maybe she turns her phone off a lot.

i dont text all the time, every couple of months unless we have spoken about meeting up. i think when someone lets you down a couple of times you start doubting them, or i do anyway, if they dont like me i dont want to force a friendship.

i genuinely felt a bit used but nobody here seems to think so, so i'm reading things wrong. blush

thanks for all the opinions, im not a nasty person honestly.

alicecrail Tue 14-Jul-09 20:36:16

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. It is sensible to be wary if you feel there is good reason.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Tue 14-Jul-09 21:05:28

I don't think anyone thought you were/are nasty, OP. How about you offer to visit in her new home, and take along a small house-warming gift? That way you're not left wondering whether she'll turn up.

ilovetochat Tue 14-Jul-09 21:31:06

thanks Alice and Old Lady, i think i will contact her and let her know dd is better and ask how she is getting on, she hasnt told me she moved, i heard through friends.
i would willingly visit her or pick her up if she wanted me to.
thanks for not thinking badly of me smile

monkeytrousers Tue 14-Jul-09 21:35:06

I second Muddleduck

alicecrail Tue 14-Jul-09 21:41:30

Tbh ilovetochat like i said above, i could have written your post, so i know exactly where you are coming from. I find that after every meeting with friends/people at playgroup/DH colleagues i over-analyse everything that was said, and in my head turn it into a big deal, when the person in question probably hasn't given it another thought!

Just relax and see how it goes smile

ilovetochat Wed 15-Jul-09 11:03:58

thanks alice smile

sweetfall Wed 15-Jul-09 11:07:50

hah - funny thread

I would have totally ignored her. I don't like untrustworthy people and she sounds like a user from your description.

sweetfall Wed 15-Jul-09 11:10:14

funny as in totally against my take on it .

oh well

I suppose once you've been burned by an 'unreliable' friend (and there are lots of people out there who make arrangements, don't show and think nothing of it) you are more cautious

nothing in your description makes her sound like she wants to be friends to me

ilovetochat Wed 15-Jul-09 11:19:18

hi sweetfall, its funny no-one else saw her as using me at all but im suspicious of people.

sweetfall Wed 15-Jul-09 11:25:43

sorry didn't mean to confuse you

ilovetochat Wed 15-Jul-09 15:33:25

i texted her, asked after her dd and told her dd is better, asked about her house and told her i'd be at a toddler session near her house this week (which i attended last week anyway) if she wants to come.

she replied and was chatty and said she is skint so will see about coming.

either way i wont be left on my own/waiting in for her and i have been friendly by getting in touch.
smile

OldLadyKnowsNothing Wed 15-Jul-09 18:16:18

Excellent resolution all round!

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