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people saying they won't come to our wedding unless this that and the other....

(15 Posts)
beanieb Fri 03-Jul-09 11:06:18

The wedding is in 3 weeks. It's small so the only family we have invited to the ceremony is mums, dads, siblings and my OH's Gran. When we did the evening list my OH didn't want to invite cousins and aunties and I just invited my dad's cousin (and wife) as he's the closest extended family member to me.

So...

Firstly his Gran said she wouldn't come to the ceremony if my OH's dad was invited because he didn't go to her husband's funeral!

This was ages ago.
She hasn't actually RSVPd yet so we don't know if she will be there for the ceremony and meal but are assuming she will be as she's not said anything since.

However now I hear that she is saying she won't come to the evening do unless her other daughter and her children are invited. Listened in to a phone-call lastnight between MIL to be and OH and she said she didn't want her sister there because she (Sister) didn't invite her to some other wedding!!

Am just pissed off that our deliberately small wedding which wasn't meant to be a hassle or fuss is being used for stupid family politics.

I want to know for sure if his Gran is coming as it makes no sense catering for her if she isn't coming.

Am thinking I might just invite them anyway (to the evening) and be done with it. Shall I? or do I just ignore the whole thing?

PortAndLemon Fri 03-Jul-09 11:18:37

I would stick with who you wanted to invite in the first place. Maybe just say to your OH's Gran "I gather you are coming to the ceremony and meal but not to the evening reception, is that right? We need to confirm numbers to the venue next week."

Or, alternatively, hand the decision over to your OH. He's the one who originally had the "no cousins or aunties" policy, and he's the one whose family is kicking off.

CMOTdibbler Fri 03-Jul-09 11:22:13

I'd just tell them all that you are inviting who you are inviting and that if they don't want to come because others didn't invite them/attend other events, then you will be very sorry that they don't want to come.

And ask gran outright and PortandLemon says

Rubyrubyrubyinthegame Fri 03-Jul-09 11:22:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecatesTwopenceworth Fri 03-Jul-09 11:22:53

Invite those you want to be there. The people who care about you will celebrate with you, everyone else, well <shrug> their choice.

Don't allow yourself to be blackmailed! Anyone who says "I'm not coming unless.." you reply, "ok, well, sorry you feel like that. I'll put you down as a 'no'. It's a shame you won't be there to celebrate with us, but you have to do what you feel comfortable with. Bye."

PlumBumMum Fri 03-Jul-09 11:23:06

beanieb, try not to let anyone dictate to you who comes to YOUR wedding,
they should be going for you regardless of whoelse will or won't be there,
Think you should go with Portandlemons 1st suggestion

hobbgoblin Fri 03-Jul-09 11:24:41

Ignore them. let the Gran do what she wants. If it's just one who is not RSVPing then cater to include so you have plenty. If more then press for RSVPs pronto.

crokky Fri 03-Jul-09 11:28:59

Your fiance's father is a closer and more important relative than your fiance's granny IMO. So I think you should go ahead as you are - not knowing whether the gran will be there - that's just one person isn't it? - just cater for her anyway and don't worry about it.

I wouldn't invite anyone else - these people might actually not be able to come etc etc - it might just be the gran that wants them to come - they might not be bothered anyway.

It's your wedding, your guest list was reaonable and your fiance's gran has been rude by not RSVPing. I would just not bother changing anything, cater for her - if she turns up, fine, if not, then she has been a bit silly IMO, but it won't matter to you.

Don't allow people to blackmail/manipulate you.

ChocolateRabbit Fri 03-Jul-09 11:33:05

Absolutely agree with Hecate even to the wording. It is all about trying to make them centre of attention so ignore and take it completely at face value.

hobbgoblin Fri 03-Jul-09 11:37:05

Agree with crokky. Actually maybe don't cater to rude Granny lady, the food will probably just stick in her throat. grin

QuintessentialShadow Fri 03-Jul-09 11:41:20

Hecate has phrased it very well. Dont be manipulated, but if in doubt, cater for granny. Because if she DOES show up, you will end up looking silly.

MadameCastafiore Fri 03-Jul-09 11:41:44

Being invited to a wedding is an honour - my rule on the 'well I won't come' people is very simple say 'fine'.

If they don't want to share in your day then feck them basically - ring Granny and say 'Are you coming to the wedding?', if she says well blah blah blah, you repeat, 'Are you coming to the wedding, because I need to know to tell the caterers?' and so on and so on till she gets the message that you just want to know if she is coming and you couldn't give two shites about her pathetic tiffs.

If she says no say you will send her a photo fo the day and leave it at that.

PuppyMonkey Fri 03-Jul-09 11:43:53

You've sent out the invites, either people can/will come or they can't/won't.

Podrick Fri 03-Jul-09 11:47:42

Ring Granny for a definite yes or no
Don't get into any discussions or arguements though

beanieb Fri 03-Jul-09 11:53:40

I'll get my OH to ring. I have only met her once. He has flu at the moment though so I am just stressing a bit about not getting things finalised. need to tell the venue how many meals we need but can't work out if the gran is coming or not.

If I wanted to pay tit for tat I suppose I could just not provide a meal for her but that would be bad wouldn't it wink

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