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Social Services

(37 Posts)
Missy89 Wed 08-Aug-18 22:51:22

Hi Mumsnet,

Just looking for some guideance and advice really, and whatever help anyone can give will be much appreciated honestly!

This all happened friday night, my little girl was taken away from me by both police and social services. I had attened a meeting the day before with the social worker and helalth visitor to discuss the allegations that had been made against us when a neighbour from across the road reported us (we know this as the SW told us).
So thursday i attended an appointment with my DD and mother-in-law anf met up with the SW and HV. SW explained what had been reported to them which included me not being seen with my child (which is totally wrong because we are pretty much glued to eachothers hip), my partner drinks and smokes heavily which is also wrong as he hasnt touched a drop of since before our DD was born, he has been accused of videoing 5 year olds in underwear and shoes running around on the car park outside (which is false aswel as there not being a 5 year old living anywhere near us) and the list of allegations continues (can post full list if it helps), was also told by HV that i have missed appointments and check ups for my DD, she had apparently sent them in the post and also hand delivered but i have never recieved one. They measured and weighed her while i was there and told me nothing other than she was okay. I am also pregnant and have missed antenatal appointments due to being scared about meeting up with health professionals as i was poorly treated during my first pregnancy and felt like they was no help for me nor the baby.
I was told by my SW she was going back to speak with her colleauges, and nothimg if anything would be done for 72 hours as it was over the weekend.
Anyway onto whay happened friday... Was like any other day at home through the morning playing with my DD, just a normal day, ordered a chinese around and settling in to watch a movie with DD and partner.. next thing i know someone is banging on the front door. Go upstairs to speak to whoever it is a the door, for them to tell me its the police (CID) and they just want to 'talk', i ask them what for and they just repeat themselves. Anyway come downstairs speak to my partner, he goes out to speak to them, they dont tell him any of there names, dont show any badges and become quite aggresive towards him. They ask to come into the property to which my partner doesnt refuse just requests that they wait until either his mom comes up or until a support worker arrives. They agree and wait outside for about 5 mins. Im in the house with DD and im petrified they are going to take my little girl away as they have turned up out of nowhere, so i hop the fence and sit in at next door neighbours until we know whats happening (she has had SS out before so understands where i was coming from)
Anyway.. everything kicks off outside, officers hop the fence and force entry into the house to look around, we did have a number of dogs plus small puppies which were all up for sale, all of which worshipped the ground my little girl walked on and were no danger to anyone let alone my LO. The house was a little cluttered as we are in the process of getting ready to move into a bigger place as we have another baby on the way. Police storm through, assaulting my partner who has a big cut on his foot, scrapes and bruises all over him aswel as winding the dogs up, causing a right fuss which causes all the neighbours to start coming out to stare (so embarassing). This goes on for well over an hour, i come out of the neighbours house with my LO to be told she is being taken into police protective custody although they originally were letting her go to her grandmothers. DD ends up being taken away by a SW (not the one i seen orginally) who takes her to the hospital for a check up (for no reason, without my consent) and calls me later on thag night to tell me my daughter is underweight (although was told by HV on thursday she was fine). She gets placed with a foster family who we know absolutely 0 about, we requested to the EDT SW team that she has specific food and nappies as they are what she is used to, along with explaining her daily routine which we dont want her messed up in as we worked hard to get her into one. As we understood she would be taken for 72hours under police protection then released to home or atleast family as the foster family was only short term basis. We were also told we needed to sort solicitors over the weekend which we did although they told us zilch.
We were called by our assigned SW on monday at 12.15pm who tells us we need to be in court for 1pm and the court itself was atleast 1 hour away so my partner got ready straight away and made his way over, i was told by solicitors to stay at home as i didnt need the stress with being so heavily pregnant. Partner waited in court for over 4 hours to be seen by a judge at around 5pm who put into place a 'Care Interim Order' which noone did lf has still to this point explained what it is or what it means/what is happening now. We have been given supervised visits at a visitation centre were we are supervised by either out SW or someone they know.

Both me and my partner have ransacked the house, cleaned, painted, polished, hoovered, bleached, you name it we have done it and the house is 10000000x better than how it looked when police came out, SW has even said it is one of the best houses she has been in. The pups that we had for sale have been given up to a puppy charity for free who will rehome them and our other dogs are due to be collected by a breed specific charity to rehome the as this is what SS want us to do.
We have jumped everytime they have asked, we have done everything they have asked of us and they still wont give us our DD back. We went for a visit with her today (first time since friday) and she is a totally different little girl. She is a shell of the little girl we have bought up, she wont look, cuddle or kiss either one of us, she kneels down and just puts her head to the floor, she just isnt the little girl we had before. We were told we were allowed to take her snacks aslong as they were 'healthy' so we did for the SW to tell us not to give her more than one small bag of multigrain biscuits although she was asking for more asif she was starving.

If anyone can please help it will be muchly appreciated, i NEED my little girl back before they ruin her life!!!!!


LovingLola Wed 08-Aug-18 22:54:58

How many dogs did you have? What breed are they?

happybunnymummy Thu 09-Aug-18 10:12:16

Pass UK Facebook group.

happybunnymummy Thu 09-Aug-18 10:13:40

That should say passuk if you leave the space it won't come up

Zoflorabore Thu 09-Aug-18 10:19:14

No advice unfortunately but bumping for you in the hope that someone knowledgeable comes along.

What did strike me as odd though op, if I'm being honest, is you being heavily preganant and escaping over the fence to a
neighbour. May be seen as quite suspicious.

Sorry if that upsets you as its not my intention. I think you have been treated horribly flowers

SisterNotCisTerf Thu 09-Aug-18 10:20:50

All sounds a bit odd really.

DearMrDilkington Thu 09-Aug-18 10:24:45

There's a lot going on.

Firstly, why did you jump over the fence into your neighbours garden? Where was your Dd when you did this? How old is she?

Meanderthal Thu 09-Aug-18 10:25:11

I'm confused- sorry if I missed it but did you have an allocated social worker before this on Friday?

LIZS Thu 09-Aug-18 10:31:40

So you were already under ss when police responded to a complaint at which point your dp was less than cooperative and you took your dd away from the property. Ss do not remove children into emergency foster care unless there is an immediate threat to their wellbeing and/or safety. You have missed appointments and may well find your unborn child is also deemed at risk. Have either of you been involved with ss or police previously? Were the dogs a legitimate breed?

DearMrDilkington Thu 09-Aug-18 10:36:36

The police were probably concerned that you were running off with your Dd whilst your dp kept them "busy" outside.

I find it strange that you didn't attend court with your partner. You said We were called by our assigned SW on monday at 12.15pm who tells us we need to be in court , that means both of you.

SillySallySingsSongs Thu 09-Aug-18 10:44:38

Firstly, why did you jump over the fence into your neighbours garden? Where was your Dd when you did this? How old is she?


ShesABelter Thu 09-Aug-18 10:51:04

Very strange story. I doubt anyone on here can help or advise you as more often than not, parents of children who are removed by ss DO say they have done nothing wrong, they are innocent, it's all unexpected etc and it's just not true. It's easier to believe that than hold your hands up and accept you aren't the best parents I guess.

I hope you get an outcome best for all your wellbeings.

NickMyLipple Thu 09-Aug-18 10:56:58

I'm sorry, OP but children don't get removed on a Police Protection Order unless they are deemed as being at significant risk of immediate harm.

That could be as a result of the environment, your parenting capacity, your mental health and many other factors.

I appreciate that you feel as though you've been hard done by, but I think that given the circumstances, the right thing has occurred.

Much of the time, neglect isn't wilful; parents are simply unable to see how their behaviour impacts on the development of their child.

Crazymum88 Thu 09-Aug-18 11:06:32

I no how your feeling I have ss in my life because people were ringing up saying I was drinking with kids every night the kids were tuning around in the street, I had a drink every two weeks on a Friday night my friends should come round the kids would be in bed, I have to do an alcoholic course just to prove wasn't an alcoholic, I passed that. But then they always add other shit to the list.

Namechangeforthiscancershit Thu 09-Aug-18 11:14:21

They really can’t do this based on nonsense made up by a vindicative neighbour so they must have some legitimate concerns.

How many dogs are we taking and what breeds.

Clutter I don’t think is an issue so long as your DD has proper sleeping/living space.

Hopping over the fence and not attending court aren’t great. I’m worried that your solicitor advised you not to attend court. Do you think you’re getting proper advice?

BarefootHippieChick Thu 09-Aug-18 11:16:01

What an odd story. If someone reports you to ss then they have to come out and investigate but they don't take children away unless they think there's an immediate risk. How old are you and how old is dd?

thelittlestwo Thu 09-Aug-18 11:23:49

The fact you removed your daughter from the property makes it look like you did have something to hide

SnuggyBuggy Thu 09-Aug-18 11:32:44

You need to start attending court and appointments

SparklyMagpie Thu 09-Aug-18 11:32:50

Yeah sorry, a lot of things don't make sense confused

SmartyPants0 Thu 09-Aug-18 11:34:04

You say the house was 10000000x better after you cleaned it, how bad was it before? Was there bedding on your daughters bed, food in the cupboards, where were the dods living was there dog pooh everywhere? Sorry you're going through this

Hopeandeggs Thu 09-Aug-18 11:43:24

OK I have experience of working with families in both sides of the fence and I'm not the greatest lover of social services but it all sounds very chaotic!

Firstly social services cannot just turn up and remove a child unless the child is deemed at serious and immediate risk.
I also have experience of false allegations of harm being made.

I think you need to openly look at what's happened.
If you have false allegations AND aren't engaging with professionals while pregnant that's a flag.
If your house is a total mess AND full of the chaos of dogs and puppies everywhere that's a flag.
If police come to the house and your partner ends up getting into a scrap with them that's a flag.
The mother not turning up at court shows disengagement and the solicitor shouldn't have suggested that.

Social services will not return a child in a week because a house is tidy now. They want to see engagement with services and their selves and acceptance from the parents that there was actually a problem. When children go into care parents are very often on the defensive understandably and it's those evil baby snatchers who are at fault. You need to really really look at what you have let go which needed sorting.

The only allegation that I've known to result in instant removal is risk of sexual abuse where they would have seen if you would make your partner leave or leave with your child to protect them until it was investigated or serious risk of serious physical or emotional abuse or serious neglect (sleeping in faeces, no food etc)

Where they already involved and raised issues which you hadn't adressed.

My advice would be engage with everything even if you feel it's not needed.

Oliversmumsarmy Thu 09-Aug-18 11:54:13

I can understand everything you say.

Friend opened the door to SWs who barged into her house saying they were going to have her DD . They already had a family who was going to adopt her so there was no point in fighting it.

Her ex had just been told he would have to pay CS so in his mind if he got rid of DD then he wouldn't have to pay. So he made up a load of crap to SS and they believed him hook line and sinker.

Friend had to prove that she was sane. Was not an alcoholic or a prostitute.

Her advice is record everything.

The report they did was full of contradictions and lies. They couldn't even get her nationality right.

I feel for you

Also be aware to check out any expert you are asked to deal with as some work on behalf of SS so don't have your best in mind.

brimfullofasha Thu 09-Aug-18 11:57:27

I agree with what Hope has said. When you have contact with your daughter social services will be making an assessment of your parenting. They will also be looking at how well you engage with the process (which is also why attending court is so important) and the changes you are able to make to make things better for your daughter. Sounds like you've made a good start by cleaning the house and getting rid of the dogs but they must have serious concerns about your child's welfare in order to remove her from your care so it's important that you work with them to show them you are taking these concerns seriously.

SemperIdem Thu 09-Aug-18 12:01:26

You absolutely need to be engaging with them 100%, as others have advised.

PatriciaHolm Thu 09-Aug-18 12:17:26

What have social services said to you in terms of what you need to do?

As others have said, you need to engage fully with what you are being asked to do. Just cleaning the house won't solve all the issues - you haven't been engaging with health providers about your pregnancy or your existing child, your home was dirty/overrun with animals, you ran from the police and social services, you didn't attend a court hearing; it may be some time before social services are satisfied that your child will be adequately cared for by you.

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