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Should I get a termination?

(10 Posts)
Helpme12345 Mon 06-Aug-18 13:39:27

This is a really messy story so please read with an open mind.

I’m 19 years old and 2 years ago my partner had an app called kik (a lot of people have probably heard of it) where people would chat and share files etc. At the time he had a pornography addiction which is why he went on the app, as he got sent folders containing porn. Most of these folders were absolutely fine but a couple of them had underage content inside of them which he didn’t know about until he unzipped the file (as the files weren’t named and they were zipped) the phone he had at the time automatically saved the photos to the device, obviously the deleted them but because they left a trace the police was able to track it down two years later and even though he had a different mobile at this point the other one was still lying around the house. The police took all his other devices (which they found absolutely nothing on) but still because of the micro thumbnails left on this one device he was convicted as a sex offender. It all came out in the press in the worst most skewed way possible!

The same day he was convicted I found out I was pregnant!

And now I’m left with what to do. I don’t want to have a termination but I don’t want people shaming me for going through with the pregnancy. I want this baby so bad it hurts but I don’t know what to do. I realise that because of my boyfriends sitiauton that social services would be involved and I let them know from the beginning. It would most likely result in us not being able to live together and that’s fine with me. All I care about is this baby but I just don’t know what would be best, I don’t know whether I’d be able to deal with all the backlash I would get from family and everyone else and I’m just finding myself unable to make a decision. I’m about 7 weeks now and if I take too long it won’t be as easy as taking a pill. I’m so torn!


frogslegsxo Tue 07-Aug-18 00:01:00

Sorry to see you're in this situation. I'd be torn too.

How long have you and your partner been together? If there was no malicious intent behind the photos that he received on KiK then that was unfortunate for him to have received that conviction. And I would say in that sense then there should be no threat with having a child around him for anyone to be concerned about. But at the same time, that is a very serious thing and the fact he was convicted of it I can understand concerns from your family. Misunderstandings happen but I don't know the full situation.

Please make sure if you have a termination (from personal experience), seek lots of support and don't be embarrassed or afraid to ask for help. Either on forums, through a counsellor, close friends etc. I found the whole thing hit me hard mentally and emotionally after rationalising the situation and realising the aftermath it caused myself and my then boyfriend because I didn't see the bigger picture of what i got myself into. I was in a bit of a daze at first. However I stand by my decision that I made the right one.

If you really want this baby, feel that you can provide for him/ her, regardless whether anyone else sticks by you or their opinions, if YOU can manage it in all ways and you think things will be ok then that's all that matters.

I'm sorry I am unable give you a solid answer. Only you know what the best outcome would be for you. Ignore anyone that says either/or is the wrong/ right choice - you do what's best for you. Everyone reacts to things differently too.

I hope everything works out x

Imchlibob Tue 07-Aug-18 00:30:16

You want this baby and do not want a termination - so you should have the baby and not consider a termination.

I think you need to break up with the boyfriend, have nothing further to do with him and put your trust in the court system. It is possible that his conviction was wrong - in which case he should appeal and clear his name. Until that is achieved you will need to keep yourself and your baby away from him. Failure to take sexual offences seriously could ring alarm bells with social services and rightly so. If he is a good dad he will agree that it is in the child's best interests to stick to doing everything by the book until he has cleared his name.

pallisers Tue 07-Aug-18 00:33:56

Honestly, if I were in your position, I would have a termination as quickly as possible. And if you were my daughter or friend I would hope for the same.

But I am not you. You can only do what works best for you and your life. If you do not want a termination, then that is the bigger consideration. Is there anyone you could talk to openly in real life? Any counsellor or some friend who won't try to push you either way?

LeroyJenkins Sat 11-Aug-18 14:46:00

Personally, I would not have this child. still with him, you say boyfriend?
Life is hard enough as a single mum.

But you must make up your own mind, can you get some counselling? Or is there someone you trust you can talk to?

Pissedoffdotcom Sat 11-Aug-18 14:50:38

If you want the baby & can support him/her alone, then go for it. But lose the boyfriend.

Helpme12345 Sat 18-Aug-18 18:06:39

Hey there, I thought I’d update you guys.

I went ahead with the termination, but felt more pressured than anything. I regret it, but now I have to live with it.

People talk as though you have a choice and don’t realise that within your choice you have to consider others that matter to you. It’s like “it’s your choice but I’ll make your life a living hell if you go with the decision I don’t want for you”

I’ll never forgive myself

Never again

LeroyJenkins Sat 18-Aug-18 19:05:05

oh OP, forgive yourself, you dont need to be carrying around guilt, you have done nothing wrong x

Needallthehelp Mon 03-Sep-18 21:57:20

As someone who was married to someone with a porn addiction, please don't think that it will ever go away. It has destroyed my life even with counselling. It has been awful. Personally I'd say get away from him while you are young. Don't waste your life with someone like this.

Also did u go to court? Did you see all the evidence they have? Are you sure this was genuine? I'm just saying here Its something to think about.

As for a termination that's your choice. Having a baby is hard work. It is not easy. Also having a termination will be something you will have to live with. However lots of women do with reasons personal to them. Having worked at the hospital there's many more women having terminations than you realise.
I'm not here to judge. Its your choice.
Do you have a good job? Finances? Family? Friends? What support network do you have for either eventuality?

You are right though this is a decision you don't want to waste any time making

Thinking of you. 🌺

Needallthehelp Mon 03-Sep-18 22:03:52

Bloody shit bags.

Totally didn't see your last message! I'm sorry OP.

Look it's still early days and what's done is done. Its hard . Really blooming hard. At the moment pregnancy hormones will be leaving your body and you will naturally feel down. This feeling will initially last about 3 days.

Please don't feel guilty. In time you will see that you have done what's best for YOU NOW. nobody else. Just you.
And that's what matters right now.

Get some love around you. Get some friends looking after you and look at the positives.
You're young. And you have you're entire life ahead of you. Plenty of time for babies.

Stay strong.

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