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Newly wed and already depressed

(17 Posts)
lilmissfoxxy Wed 21-Mar-18 01:45:36

Hi there.
I've been married for just about 2 months now... My mother in law passed away about 7 weeks before our big day. Husband is in his late 40's and can't see em to get over his loss. He is constantly depressed... He can't seem to get an erection because of his anti depressant pills and we have no sex at all. None of the stuff couples do...
I understand his loss is "fresh" but how on earth do I cope with all of this?
I've been laying awake in bed for 2 hours now waking up from his opening a potato chips bag and crunching away angry he always wakes me up on purpose and I'm fuming and frustrated right now... sad

youngnomore Wed 21-Mar-18 02:05:59

It’s been 7 weeks. Give the guy a chance to get over his loss. I know you’re newly wed. But these are the times you have to show your support and just be there for him.

lilmissfoxxy Wed 21-Mar-18 03:03:17

That's what I have been doing all this time... Being there for him... I have needs too for crying out loud...
He seems inconsiderate to my needs... Not just sex... My need to sleep... And a whole lot more...

AssassinatedBeauty Wed 21-Mar-18 03:15:55

He isn't going to just get over the death of his mother. 7 weeks is still so recent he will still be in the early stages of grief. Did the depression start before his bereavement?

In the short term, is there anywhere else he can sleep if he is disturbing you?

Is he seeing anyone about his depression and/or his bereavement?

lilmissfoxxy Wed 21-Mar-18 05:47:07

I really don't expect him to just get over his moms death... I often put myself in his shoes... The thing is its 7 weeks since we married and she's passed on more than 3 months ago.
For a man whose hitting 50 soon he should be able to cope better... I mean you depressed 24/7 about a woman who is no more. What about the woman who sacrificed everything to be there with you, for you? I'm really not as insensitive as I sound but there's limits...
He's not seeing anyone for it but is taking anti depressant pills which are depressing me. He needs to snap out of it and I'm right there for him when he does.

Lobsterface Wed 21-Mar-18 05:50:07

You can’t just snap out of depression.

Psychobabble123 Wed 21-Mar-18 05:52:42

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

catx1606 Sat 24-Mar-18 14:29:35

Wow I'm actually gob smacked at your attitude. Was he close to his mum? Let me tell you that when you loose a parent, it's bloody awful and will take a lot longer than 3 months to get over it. I will also point out that whilst trying to deal with his grief, you got married and as I'm guessing his mum would have been there, so that would have been incredibly tough to deal with. Also who are you to say he should be able to cope better just because of his ageneration. Grief can break people regardless of how old they are. I'm guessing that you still have your parents around othwewise you may have a little more sympathy for him. If you are going to support him which as a wife, you should do without question, you need to research depression because he can't just "snap out of it" and you should be there regardless before he even starts to get better. How long were you together before you got married? Was he suffering from depression before or did his mums death trigger it?

mimibunz Sat 24-Mar-18 14:34:14

OP, you suck. No two ways about it, and I hope your husband takes all the time he needs to grieve his loss.

scotchpie Sat 24-Mar-18 14:36:13

Please say this isn't real!

ListeningtoBowie Sat 24-Mar-18 14:41:57

Also, what were the circumstances of her death? Was is sudden/unexpected?

ProseccoPoppy Sat 24-Mar-18 14:42:15

Hoping this is somehow not as it sounds. Just in case (or for anyone dealing with loss), Cruse do amazing bereavement counselling. Your husband will be hurting and needs to speak with someone who can help him to work out some way to start to process everything. Cruse would be my recommendation. (BTW one of the most useful things I have heard is that you shouldn’t expect to “get over” a loss at all, it just becomes a less raw and consuming part of your life, bit by bit, until it’s possible to enjoy your memories of the person without the pain).

Labradoodliedoodoo Sat 24-Mar-18 14:44:50

You need to be more empathic

ProseccoPoppy Sat 24-Mar-18 14:46:36

And I am struggling with this idea of “snapping out” of depression - it doesn’t work that way. Again - counselling would be a much better way to try to work out how to tart to cope, which in the mean time the antidepressants can help support (bear in mind they can take a while to start to work and you need the right type which- as they can’t know how each person will react - isn’t always the first kind prescribed).

Whatevszz Sat 24-Mar-18 14:46:45

You sound like a horrible person

Grobagsforever Sat 24-Mar-18 14:47:08

OP what do you feel you've 'sacrificed'?

UpTownFuck Sat 24-Mar-18 14:56:11

My dad died 14 years ago and there's still times I can have a good cry over it, pleased my husband is more supportive than you hmm

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