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'Kill them with kindness'?

(11 Posts)
malterbitty Sun 18-Mar-18 17:41:26

So I'm sure I'm not the only person who has people like this in their life. I'm just wondering what others do when they see these people. Do you feel like life is too short to be bitter, bearing a grudge and so 'kill them with kindness', or do you feel like life is too short for negativity and therefore just ignore?

By 'these people', I mean these types:
A) people who have been horrible to you in the past
B) people who haven't exactly been horrible, but clearly haven't been bothered enough to make much effort with you.
C) an ex partner who hurt you.

Do you approach or ignore? What do you do if they approach you, all friendly and acting as if nothing has happened?

I've recently seen an old colleague who was mean to me on a few occasions, a mum I met at several baby groups who pretended to be friendly but has ceased contact and an ex that I had a messy break up with. On each occasion, I wasn't sure whether to be polite and say hello, or just keep walking.

MrsMozart Sun 18-Mar-18 17:43:21

Hello or Hi, in a non-commital way.

No need to be saccharine or rude. It wasthe past. Look forward.

Sparklingbrook Sun 18-Mar-18 17:49:16

I try my absolute best to never have contact with those people. I suppose in all honestly I would ignore them if I walked past them in the street.

Fortunately I have not been hurt by an ex, but plenty of people in the past have been horrible to me.

Movablefeast Sun 18-Mar-18 17:53:40

Have you heard of "Grey Rocking?" Polite, emotionally distant, unmoved by any attempts to troll or otherwise manipulate you?

Avoidance is also always good.

EyepatchOfTravis Sun 18-Mar-18 17:54:52

For me it's a balance. If I was to blank someone that would to me seem to carry some anger and to make a point.

Sometimes to set yourself free from the anger there is a need for forgiveness when you are ready.

However, that doesn't mean not having boundaries, going out of your way to be super-friendly and not paying attention to your own feelings.

So I wouldn't go out of my way to go up to a person, but I would try to be civil and polite, but keep engagement to a minimum.

bonnyshide Sun 18-Mar-18 17:57:17

Avoid if possible. If not possible then polite but distant if not a little frosty (never offer any personal information or 'give' anything of myself) try to end conversation and move away as soon as possible. But never rude (as this would give the impression I gave a damb)

malterbitty Sun 18-Mar-18 20:54:29

Ok, good advice here.

I just struggle with deciding what's best.

malterbitty Sun 18-Mar-18 21:07:08

Oh ok, thought of another scenario, what about someone who properly bullied you, as in made your life a living hell, spread rumours etc? What would be your reaction to seeing them?

I fell out with a 'best friend' 7 years ago as she had bullied me for years. One day, I realised I deserved better and ghosted her. She was truly vile and made me feel suicidal. Luckily, I kept all but one of our joint friends as everyone else saw her for what she was. What would you do if you saw her or the ex friend (that believed her)? Would you rise above it and be pleasant? Ignore?

I'm just intrigued about how others tackle these situations.

emmyrose2000 Mon 19-Mar-18 22:57:32

I try my absolute best to never have contact with those people. I suppose in all honestly I would ignore them if I walked past them in the street
Yes, this is the strategy I employ too. If they've done something so bad that I need to cut them out of my life, then they're absolutely no longer worth my time.

If totally ignoring them is unavoidable for some reason, I keep it to bare civil pleasantries ('hello', 'good thanks') and move on/away as soon as possible.

What would you do if you saw her or the ex friend (that believed her)? Would you rise above it and be pleasant? Ignore?
I had to cut a Toxic "friend" out of my life (and yes, she was/is Toxic with a capital T). On the rare occasions I've encountered her since, I've totally ignored her. She should be used to it by now, as just about everyone she comes into contact with ends up cutting her off as she's so Toxic.

Sometimes being the "better person" is just a synonym for 'doormat', and it's not worth lowering yourself to that level.

malterbitty Mon 19-Mar-18 23:37:16

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
They are quite different scenarios, so I suppose they could have different responses.
I think ignoring the bully and a polite hello to the other people is probably the way to go. I don't want to be a doormat but at the same time I don't necessarily want to be bitter and ignore everyone who's ever caused some amount of negativity in my life.

Bubba1234 Sun 01-Apr-18 01:37:05

I have a person in my life that is pretty horrible to me. I avoid at all costs. If we cross paths I wait for the mood they are in. They either give me a dirty look and ignore me or be overly nice & invite me out.
It can be comical at times.
I am always polite. I don’t tell other family members about what they do ( this person has been trying to get a rise out of me for over a year )
I feel proud I have not lowered myself. They text me sometimes for a stupid reason then tries to
Ask me things about my life.
I answer the same each time “I’m not sure what I’m at” etc.
I do not ask them questions I just don’t reply after brief messages.
Just be polite n feel sorry for them

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