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Friend is with a rapist

(12 Posts)
Antoinette28 Wed 31-Jan-18 21:15:08

Hi everyone. Sensitive topic. Looking for some advise please. My friend is in a relationship with a convicted rapist, which she has known about from pretty much day one. They have a new baby daughter together and she has teenage children from a previous relationship. He treats her like dirt and has been in and out of prison throughout their entire relationship, she stood by him each time, her older children are terrified of him. From what I've been told, they have a volatile relationship. She doesn't seem to mind the fact that he is a pervert and a creep, he has asked her countless times to talk me into a threesome, knowing I'm in a long term relationship, he makes disgusting sexual innuendos, passing sexual comments and talks about sex non stop. He is sex obsessed and she has told me she has woken up to him having sex with her countless times, she sees nothing wrong with this. Alarm bells and red flags. But the thing is, I'm the only friend she has, she dropped the rest because they didn't like him, I didn't either but bit my tongue for her sake. I'm worried about her and her children. So I tip toe around the topic of him, I try to get her to see she deserves better etc but she goes back to him time and time again. I was recently approached by someone connected to her family and I was told he went into her teen daughters room and slapped her bum. He's a compulsive liar and master manipulator and I'm convinced he's a narcissist. What do I do? If I approach her about this she will side with him and when things go south she'll have no one and she will be isolated which is dangerous for her and a play ground for him. So right now I can keep an eye on her and make sure she's ok. But I feel stupid doing nothing about it at the same time. Any advice please? A very worried friend right now....

ZigZagIntoTheBlue Sun 04-Feb-18 17:10:56

Not a lot you can do foir your friuend except suggest Woman's Aid to her.
However as there is a baby I'd also report to social services - poor thing growing up in such a household!

Sixcatsandcounting Thu 08-Feb-18 18:54:59

This is going to sound harsh but I would report this to the police and social services. There shouldn’t be any children in that household let alone a baby - your “friend” is neglecting her children by allowing them to grow up in that environment and it is dangerous and I’m quite frankly horrified that she seems to think what she’s described to you (him raping her) is ok!! She must be desperate or fucking stupid.

She has confided in you so you now have the power to stop it and alert someone. Who cares if she cuts you off - do the right thing as she clearly isn’t going to see sense.

Lottapianos Thu 08-Feb-18 19:00:18

I agree with Sixcats. His behaviour is disgusting and it is absolutely not ok for her to allow her children to grow up in a home with this man. Her boundaries are seriously messed up and she doesnt seem to be capable of putting her children first. Her older children are terrified of him?! Please OP, give them a chance of getting out of this hideous situation and contact Social Care

AnyFucker Thu 08-Feb-18 19:01:44

Report, report, report

NeganLovesLucille Thu 08-Feb-18 19:04:33

OP you can make a report to social services. I would be worried about the safety of the children.

ChevalierTialys Thu 08-Feb-18 19:08:18

She must be desperate or fucking stupid.

Or she is stuck in a cycle of abuse that she can't get out of or doesn't believe she can do any better than. Some people are psychologically predispositioned, some have been raised to believe this is normal. Neither of those situations makes a person. Desperate or stupid. A bit of compassion wouldn't go amiss.

summerdreamz Thu 08-Feb-18 19:08:30

I would not be able to sleep at night for thinking of those poor children, you sound like a brilliant friends for trying to stick by her but I would have to report to SS ASAP.

kalinkafoxtrot45 Thu 08-Feb-18 19:09:34

Report! Those kids are at risk. For whatever reason she can’t or won’t save herself from him, and that is tragic, but the baby and teens can’t be left to endure this if she can’t see the right thing to do.

tafftum Thu 08-Feb-18 19:14:34

Her children are terrified of him? Report it to Social Services !! They don't deserve to be caught up in the middle of all this!
How can she think this is ok, the poor lady she must have really low self esteem to put up with something like thissad

BigChocFrenzy Fri 09-Feb-18 08:07:55

Protect the children - since their mum prioritises a rapist over them

Report to Social Services that the older ones are terrified of him and there is a new baby
Include his going into the teen's bedroom to slap her bum - a very worrying threat escalation

emmyrose2000 Sun 11-Feb-18 04:52:01

Definitely report this dysfunctional "family" to the police and social services.

I don't understand why SS isn't already involved? There are many women who have their children removed at birth if the sperm donor is known to be abusive etc. I would've thought a convicted rapist would fall into that category (and if not, why not??).

She's an unfit mother by exposing her children to this filth, and siding with the scum over her own children. Where is the older kids' bio dad? Unless he's unfit or out of the picture, they should be living with him full time.

Has she family near by? Could they take all the kids if it came to that?

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