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Help me deal with the ow

(23 Posts)
nic14271213 Tue 23-Jan-18 20:09:17

Hi there
4 years ago my dp had either an emotional affair or a full on affair. Both parties deny anything happened other then just flirty texts. I am inclined to believe it was an emotional affair however I don't know for sure. We have worked hard to get past it and we are happy together again. The problem is her son has now joined my ds football team so I am now going to have to see her at least twice a week. I don't know how to get through it without punching her in the face . I don't want to move my son as he has played for this team for several years and has built friendships. Please give me any tips for dealing with this as my ds does not know about any of this and don't really want to take it all up again.

Blackteadrinker77 Tue 23-Jan-18 20:17:03

Stay at the other end of the pitch, don't speak to her or go near her.

Remember she didn't cheat on you, your partner did.

nic14271213 Tue 23-Jan-18 20:19:45

It's just I'm friendly with all the other mums and they will want to make her feel welcome so I'm going to look weird and people will ask questions if I do that. I know it was him but she was also a friend and I can't ever forgive her either

bluesu Tue 23-Jan-18 20:23:03

You did nothing wrong.** Head held high, look her in the eye and be courteous. You don't have to be friendly.**

(Then just go home a stab a voodoo doll)

It should be her that's worrying about this.** You've NOTHING to be ashamed of, repeat as a mantra.**

Good luck thanks

bluesu Tue 23-Jan-18 20:23:21

(Complete bold fail soz)

PerfectPenquins Tue 23-Jan-18 20:24:27

Id be honest with the other mums. No way would I let her make me feel uncomfortable at my childs hobby sod that! She might not dare go near you anyway if she has any sense.

helenoftroyville Tue 23-Jan-18 20:25:00

Avoid her where possible.

When not possible....frostily polite.

helenoftroyville Tue 23-Jan-18 20:25:43

Agree that if any one of the other mums question honest.

Fishface77 Tue 23-Jan-18 20:26:33

Yep honesty all the way!

nic14271213 Tue 23-Jan-18 20:28:24

Im so worried about I have suffered a bit of paranoia and anxiety since it's happened and find it hard to trust people now. I'm gonna have to suck it up I suppose and get on with it . It feels like deja vu as my ds and hers used to play football together and that's when the messages started and I can't get that out of my head

MooPointCowsOpinion Tue 23-Jan-18 20:30:46

I’d tell the other mums. She really should move her son to another club rather than out you through having to see her. I know she didn’t cheat, your partner did, but she should still feel awful for you for going through that and a decent person would know it would be better not to be there.

Ummmmgogo Tue 23-Jan-18 20:31:12

you are angry at her when it should be your partner. just be polite but distant with her and kick him out. no wonder you are anxious with him carrying on like that xx

justifiede Tue 23-Jan-18 20:31:32

Tell the other mum's why you don't like her, she is just as much guilty ad your husband I don't know why people always say the OW or OM is innocent. No they aren't!

lifeandtheuniverse Tue 23-Jan-18 20:34:10

Come on everyone - cut the crap - yes her partner cheated on OP but this woman is as guilty but in a different manner.

Please stop excusing scum of the earth who have affairs with married men and women in full knowledge of that they are doing. She is not innocent - she is a..........

Painfully polite and if asked tell them, she was inappropriate with oyur partner - watch the reaction.

nic14271213 Tue 23-Jan-18 20:36:21

I do feel like she cheated in a way as she was a good friend however maybe she only was to get close to him. I don't think il ever know the full story I suppose . I'm worried it's going to cause a rift and make people take sides which is the last think I want to do. It's bad enough seeing her occasionally at the school.

Ummmmgogo Tue 23-Jan-18 20:39:07

I think telling the other mums would only work if you aren't together anymore. if someone told me I hate her because she was mutually flirting with my man i would assume the person telling me that was weird and keep my distance.

nic14271213 Tue 23-Jan-18 20:39:22

That's a good tip lifeand they don't need to know details just saying she was inappropriate might just do it. I might end up the gossip for a bit unfortunately tho. My ds missed training tonight as well due to him being ill and there's a Facebook message been sent round welcoming him to the team so she'll have been there with the other mums today .

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow Tue 23-Jan-18 20:42:14

Yep your dh was at fault, but so was she.
However, the person that is innocent is her son. If you tell the other mums it could reflect on him. I think the chilly high ground is the place to be. I'd fix her with a "I know you" look. And always go to the matches with dh and ds.

SavvyBlancBlonde Wed 24-Jan-18 06:42:53

If the OW was just a random, I would agree that it was the partners fault however she was a friend whose DS also attended clubs plus School with OP’s DS. This for me makes it a double betrayal.

Just tell one of the other mums you trust and get along with that she was inappropriate and whilst you will be civil when meeting but please excuse you if you avoid her.

EggsonHeads Wed 24-Jan-18 10:08:31

Just tell the other mums that you knew her in the past until she did something terrible and you haven't spoken to her since and would like to keep it that way.

nic14271213 Fri 26-Jan-18 07:19:04

Well I brought it up with my dp and he kicked off saying I should have forgotten about it by now he can't understand why it still upsets me hmm

bluesouper Fri 26-Jan-18 08:45:58

Ohhhhhh dear. That was possibly the worst reaction he could have had.

How do u feel about that, OP?

Blackteadrinker77 Fri 26-Jan-18 10:41:59

He needs to realise you will never forget being hurt so badly and that you are entitled to your feelings.

This was his betrayal not yours.

This isn't you bringing it up day in day out, an event has caused you to re live it.

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