Talk

Advanced search

...if your husband was like this...

(10 Posts)
mummyjules8 Mon 22-Jan-18 13:01:08

My husband and I have been together 10 years, 2 kids aged 4 & 7.
My husband has started shouting at my during arguments....this is a new development. He says its because I wind him up and am describes me passive aggressive if I express any kind of annoyance about things. Is it ever ok to shout at someone? I don't know what to do as he says I am trying to make an argument if I bring it up a few days later...what would you do...

CheapSausagesAndSpam Mon 22-Jan-18 13:05:45

It's not ok to shout. But without more information it's hard to judge. What sort of expressing of annoying things are you doing? Is it constant? Or just normal?

Even if it were constant it's not ok.

I assume you're not over-controlling or trying to undermine him all the time.

mummyjules8 Mon 22-Jan-18 13:10:42

No, I try to keep the peace as much as I can....I think I as laid back as most and hate confrontation.
I asked him to grab me some thing as I was wedged in behind the table with child on knee, and he wouldn't do it...so I did "that disapproving look".

Passthecake30 Mon 22-Jan-18 13:10:52

Mine shouts during an argument. I've recently told him that he was intimidating me and as soon as he starts shouting I won't entertain "a discussion". He also shouts at the kids too quickly, and I'm taking him up on that too. I personally think if he can't put his point across without yelling then he has lost before he has started.

Is yours stressed out at work or anything?

mummyjules8 Mon 22-Jan-18 13:17:14

Yes he is stressed out with work...he is self employed and does well.....so doesn't really to worry but does. I do try and take that into account and never comment even though it encroaches on weekends, evenings etc. He is on the shortest fuse imaginable...it's stressful to live with...

DriggleDraggle Mon 22-Jan-18 13:18:05

no, it isnt ok.

he is using shouting to intimidate you into shutting up. if it was a rare loss of temper then he wouldnt be trying to silence you later when you want to talk about it. he would be saying yes it got a bit heated didnt it? sorry for shouting.

but instead he is basically stfu or i will get angry again.

you could try asking him why he is trying to intimidate you.
or you could say that you wont tolerate being shouted at and if that is what he is going to do then the marriage is in trouble.

its hard . normally id say talk about it when you are both calm but youve tried that and he just hints that you not shutting up will end in him shouting again.

mummyjules8 Mon 22-Jan-18 13:20:11

Yes I know it's not really right but I don't know what to do....
It's feels like enotional control or something and I know it's not healthy...

Bluntness100 Mon 22-Jan-18 13:22:00

Most of us shout at some point or another. Doesn't mean it's ok, but it does mean it's fairly normal human behaviour. Sounds like work stress is getting to him and maybe you both need to learn to communicate better with one another.

You think he's wrong for shouting, which clearly he is, but there is obviously another side to it, where he thinks you're wrong because your passive aggressive in the way you behave. You don't think uou are. So talk to one another.

mummyjules8 Mon 22-Jan-18 13:29:51

Bluntness1000 I really want to do that...I hope we can. I want to find a better way

Bluntness100 Mon 22-Jan-18 21:33:17

Then why not find some time to sit and talk, maybe with a nice meal and s bottle of wine. Both of you commit to not getting angry or accusatory. Talk but more importantly listen to each other and then try to find a way forward where you both understand each other better but also stop the behavuour that winds the other up.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now