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Bad friendships

(13 Posts)
Scmumandtwoboys Mon 15-Jan-18 13:24:00

So I’m in my late 30’s and I have had some what I thought were great friends in the past and I’d considered a few of them practically family but recently I have been persistently hurt and let down by them. I’ve no idea how i’ve ended up like this especially at 37 but it’s causing me to be depressed.

One of my ‘best friends’ fell out with me for a year for me being pregnant when she was trying for a baby. We sorted things and she apologised but it’s never gone back to normal. She had at the time been through thick and thin with me and like a sister. Supported me through cancer and me through her depression so it’s odd to be as we are now.

Then another close friend who I was very close with, spent family holidays with hubbies get on great etc.. but didn’t invite me to her wedding yet spent most weekends together with the kids etc.. when I asked why totally lost it with me called me every name under the sun and then a year later came back to apologise severely. everything was going great we went away as a family with her hubby and kids had a great time and we do still get on well but recently she’s been sligh and underhandedly nasty with comments but still protesting we are best friends.

I am a bit of a pushover and forgive possibly too easily but I feel like this has been my down fall as now all the effort is one sided and if I don’t make it I don’t hear from them. I’ve recently been really depressed and I know it sounds ridiculous but I literally feel like selling up and moving away so I’m almost forced to start a new life all over again where people don’t know me but we can’t as Hubby’s job is not one that can move easily plus he’d say I was being ridiculous. I don’t feel like I’ve done anything and wracked my brains as to whether it’s just my personality people don’t like but whenever I ask people if I’ve done anything or rubbed people up the wrong way I get told I’m being paranoid or over sensitive. I try hard with my friends to be kind and thoughtful and I just seem to end up back in the same place. I alway seem to be the fringe and sit on the outside and look in with groups of friends, never quite in the group but not totally outed either?? Anyone else ever feel like this?

Taffeta Mon 15-Jan-18 13:28:56

I’m sorry you’ve been treated so badly. I’ve had very similar - friends dumping me because I got married, had a second child etc.

It’s a reflection on them not you. I’d back right off and do none of the running, then if they decide to do all the running and make a lot more effort, fine, otherwise they aren’t friends worth having.

Scmumandtwoboys Mon 15-Jan-18 13:40:53

I would do but as sad as it sounds I’ve ended up very alone. Hubby works long hours and we’ve been together 14 years so in a routine rut. Still love each other but the days all roll into one. It’s just really crap at the moment and I don’t know how to make it better. It’s hard making new friends at this age but feel like I want to wipe the slate clean and just start again.

This weekend I met up with one of them who’d been on a night out with a group of our friends and plastered photos all over Facebook, I’ve not fallen out with any of them but didn’t get invited. I randomly mentioned I’d made a new recipe and loved it and got asked where her invite was and her hubby said the same to which I said the same place my invite went for Friday night (I’d never normally say anything but I was upset) to which her reply was ha ‘we’ (her and hubby) had wondered if you’d bring that up and just started laughing?? She’s supposed to be and proclaims to be my closest mate though?

Taffeta Mon 15-Jan-18 14:39:38

Deactivate your FB account

Seriously you need to make some new friends as existing ones sound like ACs

How old are your DC, are they at school? Can you afford a babysitter?

KateGrey Mon 15-Jan-18 14:46:01

Either unfriend or unfollow. They’re not friends. Sometimes I think you can be too nice and some people don’t appreciate it. Could you take up a hobby?

Scmumandtwoboys Mon 15-Jan-18 15:52:31

I have done just that deactivated my account, feel like what I don’t know can’t hurt me but the damage has been done. Spent the entire weekend self evaluating trying to figure out where I’ve gone wrong but I honestly haven’t done a thing and they still process to be my ‘best friends’ not sure they know the true meaning. I just don’t know where to start with two kids at home and barely time to go the the gym once a week let alone go to any groups.

Scmumandtwoboys Mon 15-Jan-18 15:54:06

The boys are 16 months and 6. I can afford a sitter once a week for an evening I guess just not sure what to do with myself once out of the house in an evening. 😂

nutnerk Mon 15-Jan-18 16:02:54

whenever I ask people if I’ve done anything or rubbed people up the wrong way I get told I’m being paranoid or over sensitive

This.. i hate this. Your lack of self confidence could be putting people off. I don't like being friends with people I have to constantly reassure.

Taffeta Mon 15-Jan-18 16:07:25

6 yo - can you get chatting with others at school gate?
16 month - can you get chatting with others at baby groups?

How about taking up an evening class or choir or something? Depending on what interests you. Or sound out other mums re a book group meeting in nice pub once a month etc?

Scmumandtwoboys Mon 15-Jan-18 16:08:43

But these are friends I’ve had for a number of years and I only asked at the time as I hadn’t been invited to my best mates wedding. Granted the guest list was 30 people but still... I wouldn’t usually ask but I and lots of others were very confused.

Taffeta Mon 15-Jan-18 16:08:54

So clearly you want to avoid people like nutnerk. You need to surround yourself with people that like and appreciate you for you.

derangedmermaid Mon 15-Jan-18 16:19:26

Get new friends lovely.

I've had a year of cutting out toxic friends and keeping the ride or dies.

It's been good. I've been replaced by other poor women who will be picked up and dropped repeatedly until they too get sick of her shit.

laura65988 Wed 07-Feb-18 04:15:27

Omg these people aren't ure friends reactivate ure FB just ignore what they post it's hard to make new friends I did it at school do u not have any other friends or relatives u could go on a nyt out with these people clearly don't care about ure feelings so u shouldn't care about them try looking up sites for making friends in u're area keep ure head up xx

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