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Mums need to stick together!

(104 Posts)
Hkeeping87 Wed 10-Jan-18 21:58:57

Literally had the worse experience In Sainsbury’s Alphington today and so many mums will be able to relate, left feeling humiliated, deflated, upset and anxious! 😢
I as many mums thought after picking my VERY active 3 year old son up from nursery today I’ll kill two birds with one stone and combine the weekly food shop with the drive home as I can’t possibly make beans and cornflakes go any further! so after bribing the 3 year old with the promise of sausage rolls and yoghurts on our trip I went in determined to be in and out within 30 minutes! Of course this never happened as within seconds my 3 year old is running round the shop as he refuses to be restrained in the Seat and screams angry threats of ‘not being my best friend and how he is going to punch the whole shop’ at the top of his voice!! And if he stands in the actual trolly I have battered brown bananas and flat bread!
Anyway as you can imagine a weekly food shop after a full days work with a 3 year old Terrorising the place was beyond stressful, playing games of hide and seek whilst your grabbing things from isles you probably don’t even need Just quick enough so you don’t lose your child or run the risk of him getting ubducted and being branded the worse parent in the world! As well as running after him im abandoning my trolley before he rips the free toys off of every magazine that is just low enough to be within childs reach and us stressed mums agree to buy them as a last ditch attempt for the child to be good and behave for 30 seconds Just so we can feel like we are gaining a tiny bit of control back!

I finally reach the till, which at this point feels like the finish line of the London Marathon to start unloading my shopping. What I would have loved to hear at this point from the man who was serving would have been ‘would you like a hand packing today? after all he had has witnessed a lot of my ordeal.
Not only would I have jumped at the chance of help on this occasion but I probably would have kissed him! However I didn’t even get a ‘ hello!’
I continue loading my food as quick as I possibly can not to inconvenience anyone, the conveyer belt still not moving so I’m squashing this all on top of each other and of course in the mean time my son is off again only this time he has found the charity box, the one where you put the penny’s in and and it spins round in a circular slide. so he is coming back and forth for penny’s and of course I’m searching my pockets for 1p coins so I can keep him entertained and not hold anyone up. I am at this stage conscious that I am not the only one at the till and there are people waiting.

I’m still Packing even though now I can’t see where my son has gone and stupidly I’m justifying in my head that he will be fine and to hurry up just so that I don’t annoy anyone by taking to long. I’m panicking at this stage so much so that I have to apologise to the man Serving me because I can’t think straight as to the task in hand and I just need to make sure my son is safe and not to far from me.
Of course all is well and he is just playing in the photo booth and my continuous calling of his name that was falling on death ears was completely pointless! I finish my packing and pay my bill without so much as a thank you from the man that served me or any help from the ladies working on the shop floor that we’re just watching me struggle and could have at any stage said ‘ it’s ok I’ll keep an eye on him or ‘it’s ok I can see him, he’s only there!’

I struggled to move my £125 shop to quickly as the trolley was quite full and I was looking for my son at the same time, only to be rammed in the back of my feet by the the lady behind me!

When I turned round to see what had Just happened the lady said ‘ excuse me, excuse me!’

I in complete disbelief replied ‘ I believe the word that your looking for is sorry!!

What came out of her mouth at this point has literally still shocked me now I am in complete disbelief that people like this exist, she said...
‘ I did say excuse me a couple of times but you were just taking to long and I wanted to get this hurried up!’

I as an early pregnant, very hormonal women do not know still to this point how I did not scream blue Murder and hurl myself at her but I very calmly and somewhat emotionally said

‘ can you not see I’m struggling here, I AM LITERALLY DOING THE BEST THAT I CAN! you should be ashamed of your self and sorry’

To which she replied, well I’m not! 🤭🤭

Thank you to the man on the next till packing his shopping who said to the lady that it absolutely should have been sorry that she was saying to me and how it was obviously very unlucky that I had picked till number 13 and had her behind me today!

I don’t believe that women is a mother or has ever looked after small children and I can only imagine that was why 80% of her shopping was made up of cat food!

Is this really what things have come to, where we see mothers struggling and rather then just try and help we watch and Judge.

I know that If I was ever watching a mum struggle like that, if I was that man serving, that mum or those ladies on the shop floor watching her call her child that was out of sight but I could see him, that I would lend a hand, because it’s tough and tiring and challenging being a mum and we absolutely do not deserve to be scrutinised or frowned upon or made to feel like we are doing a terrible job.

Today I lost a little bit of faith in humanity!

Loner1993 Wed 10-Jan-18 22:08:20

I know the feeling, it’s tough trying to carry on with normal life with a little one! I had my baby in a sling the other day and accidentally knocked some tissues off a shelf in sainsburys. My hands were full of bits whilst on the way to the til. So of course I put things down and try and slowly get down to floor without letting babies head go flying while in sling and without losing balance etc etc.
Did anyone stop to help? No.
Did anyone watch and carry on walking? Yes.

I would have helped you OP. Sorry the person behind you was a dick.

Littlefish Wed 10-Jan-18 22:10:28

I'm sorry you had a difficult time. However, the moment your child refused to sit in the trolley seat, you should have left the shop.

The stress you felt in the supermarket was almost entirely due to your own decision to let him run around.

Could you do online shopping next time?

Antigonads Wed 10-Jan-18 22:13:26

The staff in my Sainsbury's are lovely.

But I never had a child who behaved like that.

NerrSnerr Wed 10-Jan-18 22:13:48

I second pp- I’d do it online next time. I have a 3 year old and she’d be a nightmare doing a supermarket shop after nursery as well.

Loner1993 Wed 10-Jan-18 22:14:54

The stress might have been unavoidable but the other customers behaviour is just rude

justforthisnow Wed 10-Jan-18 22:15:10

Online shopping
You work, your 3 year old is a handful, why on earth would you try and do the weekly shop of an evening with that to contend with? Or if online not possible, do grocery shop on lunch break.
When and if my numerous children behaved like that they were either unequivocally told "no" or we left and I went online. Or did it during lunch break.

Fruitboxjury Wed 10-Jan-18 22:16:07

This is the reason online shopping was invented, why put yourself through this?

glow1984 Wed 10-Jan-18 22:16:48

I personally would never do the shopping after picking up my son from nursery; I would do it before , so I could just take him straight home.

Not blaming you, of course, for such a horrible experience, but I think you got it the wrong way round.

Put your feet up and try not to think about it!

Uptheduffy Wed 10-Jan-18 22:17:22

Oh dear. What an awful day. But you do need to chalk it up and see what you can learn for the future. If you have a co-parent, never do a large (£125 is large) shop with the child. Take them to buy a few items to practice helping and walking near you etc, not the big shop. I’ve lost mine and had to get security involved, he had a backpack and reins on next time! It’s not easy, but it doesn’t have to be quite so hard.

SkiGirl007 Wed 10-Jan-18 22:19:51

You had a bad day, chalk it up to experience- yes people could be more tolerant - but equally I stopped shopping with my second child because she just couldn’t handle the over stimulated environment between the ages 2-6, she’s much better now. I online shop or pick my times very carefully if shopping with them. My oldest child was fine shopping and happy to “help” or sit in a trolley some kids are just wired differently so you need to adjust your parenting to minimise the stress.

honeybunnybun Wed 10-Jan-18 22:23:54

Oh my god OP it literally makes me tense just reading that.

Had a similar experience today with a hyper 3 year old after nursery, I'm also pregnant and extremely hormonal. Decided to take him to the park after nursery though he was wild, ended up falling over in the mud and REFUSED to get changed into the spare trousers that were in his nursery bag.

Cue having to walk past a school at 3pm where I got all the death stares from other mums because LO was COVERED in mud, happily skipping along beside me whilst we swerved between all the evil glares and tuts from people, shaking their heads at me, in disgust LO was so caked in mud. Would of been nice to have just one smile, or an understanding comment but nothing 🤷🏻‍♀️ I could of slapped the lot of them

Myownwinter Wed 10-Jan-18 22:26:38

Jeez sorry but it sounds like you had absolutely zero control over your child.

honeybunnybun Wed 10-Jan-18 22:27:18

Also wtf is it with everyone saying do your shopping online and other stupid comments. Kids act up sometimes when you go out, it's unavoidable. People should be kinder full stop.

NerrSnerr Wed 10-Jan-18 22:27:23

@honeybunnybun are you sure people were shaking their heads and tutting? Small children covered in mud is normal isn’t isn’t it? My daughter loves jumping in puddles and ends up on her arse in one fairly regularly and no one has ever looked at me disapproving, the occasional laugh at her soggy bottom but nothing bad!

Thehogfather Wed 10-Jan-18 22:29:19

Sn aside I don't see why shopping with a toddler is regarded as difficult. Unless of course you don't normally take them, which is bizarre in my book. How to behave in a supermarket is just something you do from the start, so by the time they are big enough to climb out and run off they already know how to behave.

Any kid can have a bad day, so I'd sympathise, not judge in the op. But once it got to holding up the till for what sounds like a while, without any apology or attempt at getting him under control then I'm afraid my patience would be gone. Mothers of young dc aren't the only shoppers entitled to be stressed out.

I wouldn't have rammed you, but I probably would have said something if you were still holding me up after you'd eventually paid.

Who knows, maybe your faffing was causing the lady behind to have a late charge when collecting her dc, or to miss a bus/ train home, or she had ibs. And maybe she was annoyed for the same reason I'd be. Not your ds misbehaving, but you being oblivious to how you were holding the queue up.

CrypticClues Wed 10-Jan-18 22:35:09

To be fair, it doesn't really matter if the kid was covered in human faeces, the woman had absolutely zero right to ram her with a trolly in order to speed things up!
Just imagine she posted an AIBU - 'stressed out mum was taking too long at checkout, AIBU to ram her legs with my trolley?'

CrypticClues Wed 10-Jan-18 22:36:40

Sorry, that was clumsily phrased 'Even IF the kid had been running round covered in human faeces (or something equally unappealing grin )'

Sparklingbrook Wed 10-Jan-18 22:36:53

Sounds exhausting for everyone.

I would put it down to experience and not take him again.

Butteredparsn1ps Wed 10-Jan-18 22:39:22

Op we've all been there. There is something about supermarkets that brings out the worst in toddlers. I was fairly lucky that all of mine were light-weights when it came to tantrums, but supermarkets were just a special kind of hell for playing up opportunities.

I did make mine go in the trolley, which meant they had easy access to the contents, whilst my mind was elsewhere trying to make a decision about something. I don't think I got a baguette home in one piece for years.

As other PP said. online shopping is the only way to go with little ones.

SexNamesRFab Wed 10-Jan-18 22:39:24

Sounds like a shite day. My kids are 9 and 6 and I still couldn't do that kind of shop with them. She was rude, anyone could see you were struggling. Next to me make it easy for yourself by online shopping (or heading home with a bag of chips and a bottle of wine).

AssassinatedBeauty Wed 10-Jan-18 22:41:48

She absolutely shouldn't have rammed you, that is clear. Even if she was being delayed there are obviously better ways of handling it.

If your 3 year old is usually like this in the supermarket then I would suggest avoiding do

AssassinatedBeauty Wed 10-Jan-18 22:42:41

...doing big shops in the evening, and get him used to it by doing short shops in the daytime when you don't absolutely need to get stuff.

RatRolyPoly Wed 10-Jan-18 22:43:20

You'd be forgiven if £100 of your £125 shop was wine and gin, and the rest we microwave meals. I feel your pain, sister!

PS Join us in doing it online smile

HouseworkIsAPain Wed 10-Jan-18 22:44:42

I admire you for thinking you could get a tired child in and out of the shop quickly if you were doing a £125 shop. Why add all that unnecessary stress to your (and your child’s) day?

Lesson learned for next time - either do a real quick shop (at a local shop preferably) or don’t go at all and eke out your freezer food even further.

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