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Christmas dilemma

(19 Posts)
julessussex Fri 01-Dec-17 14:54:47

I love Christmas but I hate the pressure of having to spend it with family that are unpleasant.

My mum is not a very nice person, she has no interest in my children and is really unpleasant and jealous of them monopolising my attention. She makes nasty loaded remarks continually and constantly moans. No fun at all.

To escape her this year I suggested to my husband that we visit his sister in Cornwall. Sounds great yeah? In theory it should be it’s just that my sister in law is extremely unwelcoming to me, always has been (she was very close to my husbands first wife who died from cancer and is continually bringing her up in conversation). She has ‘agreed’ that we can come, but said in the phone that she “wont stand on ceremony”. This makes me feel pretty unwelcome actually. My husband says she just means muck in and treat her place as home, which is all well and good it’s just that when she visits us I make her welcome, cook meals for us all as a family etc ... I don’t feel comfortable cooking in someone else’s kitchen and actually find it stressful because I don’t know where everything is, especially if they are around watching me!! I don’t understand shy for just one day she can’t make us welcome and cook a meal.

But then she might, or it might be like every other time I’ve visited her and the house is cold, unwelcoming and there is no food in let alone a cooked meal.

Shall I go to Cornwall and hope for the best? Just accept that I will be doing the cooking there? The kids are excited about going.

Staying at home will inevitably mean having to put up with my sour mother.

I really don’t know which is worse. Help!!

pallisers Fri 01-Dec-17 15:00:06

TBH it sounds like your sil doesn't want you to come and visit and I have no idea why you'd want to go given what you've said about her.

Why not do your own thing and tell your mother you are having christmas by yourselves? Seems a way better option.

hollowtree Fri 01-Dec-17 15:07:09

Stay at home!

hollowtree Fri 01-Dec-17 15:08:37

Posted too early... stay at home and enjoy being with your family who love and appreciate you. Everyone deserves a nice Christmas

Tinselistacky Fri 01-Dec-17 15:10:56

Sounds like the ideal opportunity to start your own Christmas traditions at home with you, dh, +dc. Why the feck would you want to see sil given how you view her??

flowery Fri 01-Dec-17 15:17:30

”I suggested to my husband that we visit his sister in Cornwall.”

But it doesn’t sound like you want to? Why suggest it?!

Just have Christmas at home just you DH and DC.

Bamaluz Fri 01-Dec-17 15:18:17

Well she hasn't invited you, you've invited yourself!
I'm not surprised she's not very welcoming under the circumstances.

I agree with the previous poster, stay at home and have a nice day without stressing about other people.

tampinfuminragin Fri 01-Dec-17 15:19:05

Stay at home for Christmas. Neither sound fun.

LaurieFairyCake Fri 01-Dec-17 15:20:19

Tell everyone you're going to Cornwall

Stay at home

Job done

ajandjjmum Fri 01-Dec-17 15:21:43

Agree with Laurie.

Abouttoblow Fri 01-Dec-17 15:24:28

Why did you suggest going there when you say she is extremely unwelcoming to you?

If I were you I'd just stay at home and enjoy a relaxing time with your family.

WitchesHatRim Fri 01-Dec-17 15:25:18

Well she hasn't invited you, you've invited yourself!
I'm not surprised she's not very welcoming under the circumstances.

I agree. I also don't 'stand on ceremony' when family visit at Christmas to an extent. I'm not going to hover over you waiting to fill your glass etc.

Bambinho Fri 01-Dec-17 15:25:56

Why not look for a late availability holiday cottage or something? Just get away from everyone and relax.

FrancesHaHa Fri 01-Dec-17 15:28:44

Sounds like you feel you have to go somewhere to make an excuse not to go to your mums. Why not just stay at home instead?

julessussex Fri 01-Dec-17 15:50:39

Thanks all, I think the suggestion of staying here and telling my mum we are in Cornwall is the best one! Genius.

I’ve just got to break it to the husband now, he adores his ‘sis’ and tells me that I have it all wrong, that I read her incorrectly, but I don’t think so. She has always been a sour misery with me.

My mum is a absolutely vile, it’s a long story. I just want to spend Christmas with people who genuinely care about me.

The only other problem now is my eldest daughter (age 23, from previous relationship) she always wants us to be together although she recognises my mum is horrid she thinks I should just put up with her because she’s old. I think they should spend Christmas together, I think they both want this anyway...

Is it just me or is Christmas bloomin complicated with family sometimes?

Thanks 😕

MadMags Fri 01-Dec-17 17:30:02

I don’t understand why you would suggest it.

Tbh the stand on ceremony thing wouldn’t bother me. It just means that everyone can carry on as normal!

lynmilne65 Sat 02-Dec-17 08:43:56

Christmas can be a nightmare with families !!

Evewasinnocent Sat 02-Dec-17 09:19:01

Go abroad -escape them all!

Jasminedes Sat 02-Dec-17 09:29:31

I think its ok for her to host her way, especially as you invited yourselves. I always say this, because when people are staying for a few days I don’t want to be making every single breakfast or cup of tea or doing all the washing up (I don’t enjoy hosting, and since I have to do it every year, it basically means I hate Christmas).

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