Let's stress the pregnant lady out!(6 Posts)
Not sure where to start with this....
I'm not going to post the background story but for those that have read my previous threads I'm the Op who's OH has fallen out with her DP(arents) due to business and other things.
Basics are OH and DPs are NC. I see DPs once a week or once every 2 weeks with DS.
I've been clear I don't want to get involved in any discussions regarding their issues as its between them, I'm sick of being in the middle but I'm just trying to keep some semblance of peace, be fair and make sure my DS knows DGPs on both sides.
It's strained as my DM seems to think I've basically sided with OH or I'm under his thumb and do as he says (not true).
My DGPs live abroad and haven't really been around for what's happened just heard second hand accounts of odd bits and bats. Initially they weren't really told much but as the fallout became obvious and they started asking questions they've found out a bit from my DPs. I've not told them much myself as I don't want to make anyone look bad, especially since it would just open up another can of worms and I just don't need the stress.
But it seems my DM (at least) must have been saying stuff during their last visit in my home country as I just got a call from my DGM who asked me about my pregnancy (I'm due in 2 days), asked about the family situation and if it's "worked out", basically sympathised with my DPs on it (predictable), talked about how she wouldn't be able to imagine Christmas in such a position etc and then when I told her it's not up to me to fix and I'm not really wanting to play peacemaker proceeded to ask/say how I must not have much of a say and I'm just listening to my OH and doing as he says....
I denied that and changed the subject and proceeded to make more small talk and ask general questions and the call finished a few mins later.
I'm now sat here angry, stressed and sad.
They're getting dragged into it more and more, they should have been kept out of it.
I'm not about to get into a bun fight and start telling them all the things my DPs have done even though I feel like it sometimes but I don't want to strain the relationships even more.
I know my DM has only expressed her opinion but it's unfair as my DGPs don't live here and are bound to side with their DCs (my DPs) especially without being around when any of it actually happened!
I'm due to give birth in two days and I don't need this stress! This isn't exactly the time to call me and talk about things like this is it???
But I don't know wether I should just leave it or call my DM out on it and strain everything even more.
But it is really bothering me as I feel soon my family abroad will have a set (and wrong) view of my OH because of this and over the years we will just end up distancing ourselves from them which I really don't want.
What would you do in this situation?
Sorry, it's really hard to say without knowing background story of what has happened.
Who do you personally feel needs to say sorry, DH or DPs?
I would focus on your baby now, all this other he said she said stuff can be sorted out at a later time. What's important is you feeling positive and ready for your new arrival. Your DH and DPs should also be trying to make your life easy during this period by being courteous to each other.
Good luck op
Unfortunately, you can't control what people think. Even if they have only been given one side of the story. You may want to kindly point out to your DGM that she's best not to get involved, as she hasn't heard the other side of the story, that you are really sad about the whole situation but you are trying to move on for the sake of your family, and not to dredge it all up.
The adults in your life need to be looking after you, not worrying about Christmas family politics.
I would probably correct your DP. They are clearly under the misapprehension that you are being influenced by your husband as opposed to them being even a tiny bit at fault. The only way this will ever get resolved is if both parties realise that they were partly to blame.
@Ttbb none of them will admit fault. OH says his fault was to trust them.
The whole situation is beyond messed up. And I do understand certain points each side makes (and struggle to understand others) but top and bottom is, yes I'm involved because I'm with OH and they are my DPs but apart from that I did not create this situation in any way, shape or form. But I'm inevitably stuck in the middle.
OH won't talk about it unless I want to so its not as if he's putting anything on me.
But I've heard all sorts of stuff and have had all sorts of behaviours especially from my DPs that are a real REAL (sorry for swearing in advance) headfuck. I end up questioning myself.
But top and bottom is, I don't want the hassle, the drama or anything to do with it 2 days before my due date
Sorry I realise people on here probably get fed up with my ramblings but it helps me get things out and go back to it for future reference as I tend to blank bad things out.
Last night I had a call from my DF.
We talked about the situation (AGAIN) and I was a bit harsher (not angry just straight) with some of the things I've said and talked about as I'm sick of tiptoeing around the subject and softening my own opinion in fear of what will happen. I was also quite clear that I don't see this situation resolving itself any time soon as my DP(arents) side and OHs sides of the story are so different and they will never agree on anything and no one will ever apologise to anyone. My DF said OH should apologise to my DM for something he's done and I said she's the last person he will ever apologise to and listed my reasons (again nothing sweary/offensive etc).
It wasn't an argument, we talked about some other things and then left it at that.
This evening I just got to my phone I've not checked as its been charging and there's 5 texts from my DM.
First one asks why I told my DGM that my DM is jealous?!?!?!(which must be wrong/misunderstood as I never said anything about jealousy???) It said "is there something wrong with you or are those HIS words?" (Meaning my OH)
She asked me to "please think for myself and not repeat after other people" (aka OH), she said I don't know all the ins and outs, and how she's very upset I spoke of her that way. And "you must be the jealous one or him since you're talking like this".
She has also told me I have no respect for her, and she knows what I said to DF yesterday and she knows they're not "my words" and she's surprised by my behaviour
Oh and my favourite "<insert OHs name> is a manipulator and tries to influence everything and everyone and control everything and everyone knows that" .
I have resolved to not replying ATM and I'm not answering the house phone unless I know it's OH.
The question that keeps replying in my head is "why am I being put through this a day or two before I'm due to give birth?" .
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