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Not working and using a childminder

(20 Posts)
skybluepinkish Tue 28-Nov-17 11:09:19

I gave up my job last year to have my DS and he is now 13mo and the best little dude in the whole world. But I've struggled with the isolation of not having colleagues anymore and haven't made any 'mum friends' (I just haven't met any, we do attend 1 toddler group but as I don't drive this is the only one I've been able to attend).

A few months back my parents offered to watch DS on a Thursday so I could attend a local art class. I've loved it - both the painting, the adult company and having something to talk to DH (and child free friends) about.

Unfortunately my parents circumstances have changed and in January they won't be able to take DS so I cannot attend the next term of the class. I was gutted so I looked at the possibility of using a local childminder for 1 day a week so I could attend the class and have a few hours to perhaps get some jobs done around the house. DH has said he's onboard but I feel so guilty now. It seems very selfish shipping DS off for a day so I can just do my own thing. I feel like if I send him to a childminder it should only be if I had a job. It seems unfair to both DS for the disruption and to DH for all the additional costs. But I will so miss the painting and the conversation :-(

What would you do?

tellitlikeitispls Tue 28-Nov-17 11:15:32

Send him to the childminder. Your DH is ok with it. DS gets some stimulation elsewhere. does the childminder have other kids at the same time? I would do it. And I want your DH smile

Whitelisbon Tue 28-Nov-17 11:17:45

Can you afford it?
If So, then do it and don't feel guilty about it.
It'll do you good to get adult company, and it'll do ds good to spend time with other people, and to have a happier mum.
If you can't afford it, is there a class when dh is available to have ds?

user9217 Tue 28-Nov-17 11:19:19

Do it. You spend quality time with your ds at other times he will love the change of scenery too 😁😁 and yes I second sharing your DH 😜😜

gallicgirl Tue 28-Nov-17 11:22:04

My DS goes to a childminder while I work. If I have time off, I leave him in childcare so I can get things done. This week for example, I've booked the afternoon off so I can get my hair cut! It just wouldn't happen otherwise as I don't have family to look after him.

Don't feel guilty over it, you need the time to yourself and he will benefit from the activities and being with other children.

glitterbiscuits Tue 28-Nov-17 11:22:19

If you can afford it then do it.
Baby will make friends, learn new things and learn to separate well which is useful for when school starts.
If you get a break you will be a better mum and have something to look forward to.
Just because you are a parent doesn’t mean you are not a human being.

sm40 Tue 28-Nov-17 11:22:22

If you can afford it do it. I am a sham, not even had an excuse of a class and both of mine went to nursery 1 day a week. Will get used to other people, you'll be refreshed and get lots of things done (with the odd shopping trip/coffee thrown in!).

DontbouncelikeIdid Tue 28-Nov-17 11:22:24

There is nothing wrong with doing that, as long as it is affordable, but if you miss working, why not go back part time?

lightcola Tue 28-Nov-17 11:23:02

Do it. I wish I could. It’s good for both you and your son. Good for you.

BabloHoney Tue 28-Nov-17 11:23:30

it's not selfish at all! Happy mama, happy baby! As others have said, he'll love a change and being around other little ones and it'll be good for you to have some you time and recharge your batteries smile Relax and enjoy xx

Amatree Tue 28-Nov-17 11:24:06

For me it comes down to whether your DH and you have the same amount of leisure time/time to yourself over the course of a week. If you do pretty much all the childcare even when he isn't at work then your suggestion seems more than fair. However, if he splits everything 50/50 outside of his working hours then tbh I can imagine him becoming justifiably resentful over time if you're not working to bring in any money, then spending money on childcare so you can pursue a hobby. Even if he says he's ok with it, I'm not sure he wouldn't grow to resent the situation unless hes a total saint. But like I say, if you do a lot more at home during evenings and weekends while your DH has downtime then it seems fair enough.

Itsonkyme Tue 28-Nov-17 11:25:45

Definately, one day at a child minders is fine for whatever reason.

I used to have one to go out to lunch with friends once a week grin

KaliforniaDreamz Tue 28-Nov-17 11:26:02


I look back now to when my kids were really small and wish i had thrown some money at the situation and got some help so i could get a break and rest!

do it xxxxx

ememem84 Tue 28-Nov-17 11:36:39


I’m currently on mat leave with ds (9 weeks). I ride twice a week. On Saturdays dh is Home from work so no problem leaving ds. But in the week he goes to my parents for the morning. It gets him used to them. Then used to him and me some sanity back.

If they weren’t able to have him though I think I’d look for a childminder.

It’s so important to have time to yourself.

rockcakesrock Tue 28-Nov-17 14:19:50

When I was a childminder I had a little one, about the same age for 3 mornings a week. At first the mum said she was planning to work, but later, admitted that, she just could not cope with the loneliness and boredom.

I think bringing him to me, kept her sanity and made her more able to cope. She went to the gym, went running, did shopping, washing, ironing while he was with me. It also meant that her son socialised with other children, learned different skills, and stopped being totally clingy. Definitely get yourself some independence and social contacts.

prampushingdownthehighst Tue 28-Nov-17 14:24:21

If you can afford it and your DH is happy for you to continue do it.....Enjoy yourself!

ApplesTheHare Tue 28-Nov-17 14:24:26

DO IT, he'll really benefit from the socialisation and you being more refreshed because you're getting some time to yourself.

skybluepinkish Wed 29-Nov-17 17:19:12

Thanks all.

Think I'm going to go ahead with it. 🙂

Obliviate Sat 02-Dec-17 20:46:22

Most definitely do it. I am a sahp at present, I have a 5 year old (at full time school) and 3 year old. The 3 year old gets her nursery funding in january and I'm sending her to my neighbour who is a childminder for 2 days a week (until she starts school nursery in september).I feel no ounce of guilt, Ive had a pretty crappy few years and I'm looking forward to a bit of me time.

Enjoy your art class ☺

Ttbb Sat 02-Dec-17 20:50:42

It's just one day. Don't worry about it.

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