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School friend disclosed abuse at home to my DD?

(34 Posts)
ilovewelshrarebit123 Thu 23-Nov-17 20:47:50

My DD (10) is good friends with a girl in her class. This girl lives at home with her mum, mums boyfriend and a baby (BF’S baby). BF also has a 9 year old son who stays.

I’m going to call her P. P has been for sleepovers at my house and has always wanted to stay longer and been reluctant to go home. She goes quiet and sad when she knows it’s time to go home.

She’s told DD a few things over the last few months that I’ve raised my eyebrows at ie BF shouting and being aggressive, name calling, he spends all their money in the pub even the kids savings.

I’ve met him and I can’t stand him, he makes me uneasy and I’ve never let my DD go for a sleepover etc.

Today she came to school visibly shaken and white as a sheet, and couldn’t talk. During break my DD ask what was wrong and she told DD and another girl, BF had grabbed his son by the throat as he’d spilt something in the kitchen this morning. He then told P this would happen to her every time they misbehaved. He’s also made similar threats about her school work as she wasn’t doing well.

She told DD she hates him, he’s a bully and she’s petrified of him.

The other girls mum has corroborated what she’s said as she’s spoken to her DD who said the same thing.

Would you report this? If yes who to, SS or the school as it was disclosed in School. I’m friendly with P’s mum and I’m worried P will tell her she’s told my DD and she’ll work out it was me.

Also it’s going to make things much worse for P isn’t it as he’ll go mental at her, but I can’t stop thinking about that poor girl.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Thu 23-Nov-17 20:50:56

Don't be the person who does nothing OP. Please report to Social Services. Poor children.

Mishappening Thu 23-Nov-17 20:55:53

Report to SS. Honestly, there is no other way forward here. It is when people keep silent that bad things happen.

ButterflyForest Thu 23-Nov-17 20:56:04

Report this to the school.

Geneticsbunny Thu 23-Nov-17 20:56:59

There will be someone in safeguarding at school. You could report it there too?

ButterflyForest Thu 23-Nov-17 20:58:33

Report this to the school.

Smarshian Thu 23-Nov-17 20:59:01

Definitely report it. He cannot get away with this. What could he be doing to that poor baby too?

Skatingmama Thu 23-Nov-17 20:59:39

Please report both to school and to social services direct

ButterflyForest Thu 23-Nov-17 21:00:15

By school, I mean that there should be someone who does safeguarding and will report to social services. I would then check up with the school/safeguarding person to check what the status of your report is. Make sure something is done about this.

Worriedobsessive Thu 23-Nov-17 21:00:48


tomatopuree Thu 23-Nov-17 21:02:27

Please report. I used to be this child No one took me seriously and I'm still all kinds of screwed up years down the line.

She's talking because she wants to be heard.

Motherwell91 Thu 23-Nov-17 21:02:54

Please report!! This child has spoken out. It takes a lot of courage to do this. (Even to there peers) you need to show her and your daughter that Child abuse is not right and needs to be reported.

seven201 Thu 23-Nov-17 21:06:27

Report to ss tonight and the school tomorrow. You must. I’m a teacher btw.

TheGonnagle Thu 23-Nov-17 21:09:18

This will tell you how you need to proceed. You need to report your concerns to the school in the morning and I would follow up with your local councils LADO. This child is in need, and your duty of care just kicked in.
However hard it feels for you to do this, it is nothing like as hard as having to speak up when you are a child at risk. Please hear her.

TheGonnagle Thu 23-Nov-17 21:10:18

There is an out of hours LADO team at every council. Have a look on and you will find yours. They will take you seriously.

glitterelf Thu 23-Nov-17 21:12:29

Report to school at the very least but I would report to ss and I would also encourage the other Mum to do the same.

ziggzagg Thu 23-Nov-17 21:13:37

Report it, but LADO is only for allegations against professionals so report to your out of hours social work team, the number will be on your local council website.

ilovewelshrarebit123 Thu 23-Nov-17 21:13:45

Tomato - I’m so sorry this happened to you. You’re all right she wants to be heard and I can’t ignore.

Me and the other mum are going in to school in the morning to tell the teacher.

Copperspot Thu 23-Nov-17 21:16:09

Definitely tell school. They are not stupid and will probably already be building a case.

If she’s telling your dd she is asking for help

TheGonnagle Thu 23-Nov-17 21:18:57

Sorry ziggzagg, brain is all over the place after a long day at the coal face. You are right of course!

Curioushorse Thu 23-Nov-17 21:21:33

100% report. Talk to the school. The child is basically asking for help.

But do also take some time for yourself. I am an ex-child protection officer from a large school. I remember the first time I came across a child who I'd known well and realised that she was facing abuse at home. I found it unbelievably shocking and it utterly changed the way I saw the world.

Look after yourself this weekend.

Curioushorse Thu 23-Nov-17 21:24:12

p.s. also, the boyfriend won't attack the child and this won't make it worse for them. He'll now be monitored and prevented from doing so.

totsalot Thu 23-Nov-17 21:24:43

Oh god op hope you and your DD are ok after hearing all this. I'm glad you're reporting to the school, I hope they act quickly and get those poor children the help they deserve.

seven201 Thu 23-Nov-17 21:46:36

If school try and tell you to come back later, tell them you have a safeguarding concern and must be seen ASAP.

mumisnotmyname Thu 23-Nov-17 21:51:48

I report to the school and gain assurance from them they will contact social services, if for any reason you sense hesitation then contact social services directly. Google your local authority report concerns about a child and a telephone number should come up. School should report themselves just sometimes that doesn’t happen.

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