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Heartbroken at a wedding

(41 Posts)
Loveache Wed 22-Nov-17 20:31:53

So my partner and I (same sex couple) split this week. Not my wishes and consequently feeling pretty horrendous at the moment. Owing to domestic circumstances, we'll still be living together for a few months yet which doesn't make things any easier.

I have a friend's wedding to go to this weekend. It occurred to me today that (I know just about the entire guest list) I will literally be the only person there without a long-term partner. How depressing is that at a vulnerable time. Additionally and importantly, my table will have an ex-friend who I know will enjoy passive-aggressively rubbing it in. I don't feel strong enough in myself right now for things like that to not get to me.

Any advice on how to get through this without crying in public/drinking the bar dry/both combined would be gratefully received!

Iamthestorm Wed 22-Nov-17 20:34:52

Could you just go to the evening bit or failing that ask to be sat elsewhere?

I also love the warrior/storm quote and repeat that inside my head in tricky situations such as this

Good luck

PinkPanther27 Wed 22-Nov-17 20:34:58

Oh bless you, that does sound a bit cap. Do you have to go? Are you able to switch tables? Can you take a friend as your plus one instead?

Mince314 Wed 22-Nov-17 20:35:40

That happened to me once, had to go to a wedding about 3 weeks after being dumped. It was hard. I'm not gonna lie but even though it was hard there were moments within it where I forgot about it and enjoyed myself. Practice saying in front of the mirror ''it hadn't been fun for a while''. ''i feel a sense of relief'' and keep saying it out loud about four hundred times until it rings true. Because it's ALL in the delivery.

cathyclown Wed 22-Nov-17 20:37:32

Bollix, just don't go. I think you know this yourself too.

Sorry but surely some people get the flu, virus, family, relationship traumas, whatever and cannot attend.

I would just send a message and say can't go sorry, love you lots and hope you have a great day.

Your card and present are on the way.

CluelessMummy Wed 22-Nov-17 20:38:49

Sorry OP, that sounds tough. I think you definitely need to avoid drinking the bar dry - if you do know the guest list very well then there is surely someone you're close to who you could ask to keep an eye on you, eg 'I'm feeling a bit low today about the break-up, so don't let me drink too much!' People are good sorts generally and will want to feel useful/like they're helping you. If ex-friend starts poking you for information, there's nothing wrong with a cheery-as-you-can muster, "I don't feel like talking about that today, but what have you and X been up to lately?" If there's plenty of other people on the table he/she has got to have a fairly brass neck to keeping pressing you as everyone will rightly think they're being an utter idiot.

I'm sure someone will be along with something much more insightful but hopefully that's a start!

Loveache Wed 22-Nov-17 20:44:58

Not going is not an option- the couple getting married are good friends and I want to see them on their day. Pretty shit circumstances though.

cathyclown Wed 22-Nov-17 20:55:21

OK, sorry why are you asking us anything so. I know it is difficult, but honestly if it were me I would just get a pass on this and bail out.

OR, Just go, put on your big girl pants on and suffer on.

MrsHathaway Wed 22-Nov-17 21:17:06

Does everyone have to know that you've split? Could you pretend exP is poorly and had to bail? Are you really likely to be grilled on the ins and outs of your relationship?

I agree with pp, though: fake it until you make it.

Loveache Wed 22-Nov-17 21:40:10

A few of them are good friends and I've told them anyway.
My partner was already double booked for this weekend so declined the invitation months ago when it was sent so that's one less thing to stress about.
My ex friend is a bitch and I am already a bit wobbly around her anyway owing to a shock some time ago when I had her mean side directed at me and had to cut her out. And HER partner is (very young) imo a nasty schoolgirl.
I think they're what I'm most worried about tbh.
Relationships are important to me and the loss of this one cuts. Everyone else will have their person by their side, including the two 'mean girls' at my table. I think I just need tips for how to hold the self esteem up when I feel like absolute shit.

MrsHathaway Wed 22-Nov-17 21:49:14

Well if the nice friends know then they can gatekeep for you: if bitches start to dig then they change the subject. "Oh you said ExP had a work thing this weekend omg where did you get those earrings from? That's just what I want to get my sister for Christmas" etc etc. That's what good friends do for each other: don't be ashamed to ask.

VeganIan Wed 22-Nov-17 21:53:20

Just don't drink. You can waft around doing tinkly laughs until you've shown your face enough and can go home.

Can you ask to sit on another table?

Loveache Wed 22-Nov-17 22:49:00

I would imagine seating plans are cast in stone at this point!

OlennasWimple Wed 22-Nov-17 22:55:27

I went to a wedding as someone's +1 in sort of similar circumstances. The B&G were happy to have me there rather than have a gap at the table, and to support their friend during a difficult time. I didn't cost them anything extra

pontypandypenny Wed 22-Nov-17 23:05:49

Maybe go to the ceremony and stay for just a short time after. You don’t need to wait around to be verbally attacked even if it is your friends special day

Loveache Wed 22-Nov-17 23:08:49

The plan now is to look as speculate as possibly and take a valium to zone them out. Does that sound shit?

Loveache Wed 22-Nov-17 23:09:30

Spectacular as possible. Autocorrect :/

MrsHathaway Wed 22-Nov-17 23:14:38

Don't drink on valium. Otherwise sounds good.

Can you be driving?

Loveache Wed 22-Nov-17 23:16:43

It's in our city so actually walking distance from my house, or a short cab ride.

nobutreally Wed 22-Nov-17 23:17:56

Right, do you know if any of your nice friends are on your table? If so,brief them in advance to protect you - just say xxx might ask about the break up. It’s the last thing I want to get into talking about at a wedding, so can you help change the subject if they do?’ And actually, that would be my line if they do ask - just look bemused and say ‘Honestly, it’s not really a great topic of conversation for a wedding is it?!’ And introduce any other topic you like.

Ona tactical note,booze before starting the meal is always my downfall. I would do my level best not to drink before the meal. I probably still would mind you ;-)

Best of British, I’m sure you’ll be fine!

nobutreally Wed 22-Nov-17 23:18:58

X post re Valium. Not with booze, right? I’d try not do go the Valium route myself...

Loveache Wed 22-Nov-17 23:20:59

TWo good friends at my table know about the breakup. The other is with bridal party so won't be sitting with us.
They or anyone don't (I think or hope) know what went on with ex friend. She's a bit of a queen bee that everyone likes attention from. :/

RidingWindhorses Wed 22-Nov-17 23:34:29

Valium will just send you to sleep.

A bit of Dutch courage is all you need. (But no more!)

KeepServingTheDrinks Wed 22-Nov-17 23:39:14

Good luck.

Go, look amazing. Try and let any mean comments be water off a duck's back.

Hope you have a better time than you're expecting to.

And sorry for the loss of your relationship flowers

Loveache Wed 22-Nov-17 23:40:32

Half a valium to take the sad and intimidated edge off and enough (minimal) alcohol to perk it up. I appreciate that sounds mental.

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