Argument with neighbour(15 Posts)
My next door neighbours are currently having work done on their house. We live on a very small country lane and so the workmen have been parking opposite my house in a small lay-by. However last week when one of them was trying to turn around he drove over the grass verge outside my front garden leaving deep muddy tyre marks through it.
Then at the weekend there was a car pulled over on to my grass verge. I went out to ask him to move when my neighbour appeared, so I asked my neighbour if he could tell the work guys not to drive over the grass or park there as it was getting ruined. I didn't think this was a huge ask but to my surprise he was very defensive and said it was nothing to do with him.
Seconds later I receive a text message from his wife saying how dare I blame them for ruining the grass and that I had no right to have a go at her husband. I was so shocked! I replied saying there had been a misunderstanding and that I wasn't blaming them and was very sorry if he felt that I was having a go - which I honestly wasn't. She replied saying that they have no control over when the workmen park and that she 'could do without me adding to her hassle'. The text messages where huge paragraphs of bold text and exclamation marks. They were extremely hostile, aggressive, over the top and unnecessary. I felt so upset because I had no idea how it had turned in to this and I absolutely hate confrontation. My husband wanted to defuse the situation so he went went round to speak to them. He apologised for the misunderstanding and said he didn't want us to fall out. They all agreed that they had no control over where the workmen parked and my husband said that he'll buy some boulders to stop it from happening (even though we can't afford to do this).
To my husband this is now done and dusted. However the more I've thought about it the more angered I've felt at how they treated me and have just gotten away with it - in the sense that my husband didn't say anything to them about their awful behaviour. The wife is a right gossip and I can just imagine her telling everyone in the village that I had a go at them. We're not close friends or anything but I work from home (as do they) and I see them most days when out walking the dogs. I have no idea how to act when I next see them. I feel like I deserve an apology and I also want to point out that I was only asking them to pass on a request to the workmen - that is all. My husband says I need to let it go and just be polite in order to all live here harmoniously.
What would you do?
Your husband is right. Get over it
All you had to do was put some plastic chairs on the grass while the builders were there and take up the parking problems with the builders.
.You dont deserve an apology
When you pass your neighbours say hello and get on with your life unless you want on going animosity.
Appreciate the honesty and agree that I should let it go.
I did actually go out to speak to the driver who parked on the lawn but he wasn't there and my neighbour was, which is why I asked if he could pass the message on as the worker was in his house. Didn't really see this as a big deal, which is why I think I deserve an apology for the abusive text messages that then followed.
I think they’re right arseholes for being so rude
But you don’t get apologies from arseholes so unfortunately you have to let it go
Boulders or big bits of wood might be free - even a stack of big twigs from the woods will stop them driving on the grass
I think the builders are the neighbour's responsibility. People are selfish wankers though (particularly when having building work done) so I wouldn't expect consideration or apologies.
When you see them just be normal. It's in your own interests to do that. You won't always feel so aggrieved and its no fun having enemies.
Yes, drag a log or two from the woods, that will do it.
Also, do nasty impressions of the neighbours to your DH. I find that helps.
Of course they are responsible - at least to some extent - for ensuring that work done on their house doesn't piss off their neighbours. And you're entitled to make a polite request without that kind of shit.
The first response you had is just weird tbh.
The first response is a poster currently having building work done and pissing off the neighbours.
Thank you so much. Just knowing that I wasn't going crazy and that they did act inappropriately is actually a help.
FaFoutis my dh liked my impressions
We're currently having work done and my neighbours are being really nasty to us despite us doing everything we can to be considerate and respectful of the stress we're putting them under. OP, they sound really unpleasant and rude and I can't see that you did anything wrong at all.
I'd have given her a mouthful back and wouldn't give a single damn if they never spoke to me again, but that's me. I can't abide rude people or the notion that you have to just meekly take their rudeness in order to keep the peace.
Keeping the peace obviously doesn't bother them does it- if a neighbour had approached me in the way you did, I'd have simply had a polite word with the workmen re parking. It's not difficult.
But now yes, put logs or whatever you can to block the way and stop them parking/turning. Hopefully Miss Madam next door won't find a way to complain about that, too
You use the phrase “outside my garden”. Just to clarify, is it your land that had some muddy tracks on it?
Building Work is very stressful.
Working from home while having building work would be a nightmare.
Clearly you caught them having a bad day.
In a million years you aren’t going to get an apology so whether you think you deserve one or not is irrelevant I’m afraid.
You have to live next door to these people. Your DH is right, let it go.
When you next see them smile and be perfectly normal.
You will keep the moral high ground and they’ll feel deeply uncomfortable. Win win.
Working from home while next door is having building work (again) is worse.
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