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Shared housework

(6 Posts)
Lwarnock Fri 10-Nov-17 19:56:30

New mum of 6wo and still on Maternity until I go back full/part time in April. I have been asking my partner to do more household stuff e.g. tidy up the cooking and dinner stuff, hoover the flat, finish DIY bits and bobs that need doing. Tonight it all came to a horrible argument when I asked him one more time to do more household chores.
He said ‘you’ve told me at least four times that I don’t do enough and you know what I’ve done each time- less’
I said ‘can you not see what is wrong with doing that? I’m asking for help and you’re making it worse for me?
He ignored me.
Advice please sad

gingergenius Fri 10-Nov-17 20:46:28

He sounds like a totally immature cockwomble! How old is he? 12?

Parker231 Fri 10-Nov-17 20:49:07

If you have a six week old, he should be doing 100% of household tasks including cooking, cleaning and shopping.

Do you have family who could come and stay and help out?

Justbookedasummmerholiday Fri 10-Nov-17 20:50:08

I hope you do naff all for him. No washing /cooking etc. He is a class A twat.

Lwarnock Fri 10-Nov-17 20:52:36

He wasn’t like this before our son was born at all. It has been such a shock

ForeverHopeful21 Fri 17-Nov-17 10:55:07

As someone whose husband does veeeeery little at home I can sympathise.
Ok so first I'd ask nicely and when that didn't work I'd nag at him and then I'd get angry and / or upset and we'd fall out and then he'd be annoyed at me for having a go at him!! Then he'd be great for a day or two and then it would go back to the way it was before. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

I decided that something had to change, so I changed my approach. I decided to write down some main points and I called a family meeting. His job involves a lot of meetings and planning, so I think having a calm discussion and giving him a few points to work on was the best tactic. I know to many women this will sound ridiculous, but hey it worked. I made sure it was none-judgemental and didn't include me getting annoyed or telling him he's lazy or doesn't do enough etc etc.

There are a few DIY bits that need doing before our baby arrives that he's been meaning to do for months, so we put some dates down that it needed to be done by (making sure it wasn't too far ahead in the future for him to 'forget') and low and behold its now been sorted. He admitted there were a few things he needed help with so I asked my dad to give him a hand, hey presto. Rather than nagging it was actually helpful for us both to have a discussion about it.

If he wasn't like this before maybe you should ask him what's changed or is there something wrong? Even though we all think he should be doing more and just getting on with it, if he isn't doing that, I wouldn't rule out trying to discuss the situation.

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