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Gift debate

(5 Posts)
PeapodBurgundy Tue 07-Nov-17 10:18:28

I'm being wrecklessly defiant, but I need to do it in a tactful way. Incoming essay!

My Nana had a mastectomy, and a large quantity of lymph nodes removed last January. She's still having some issues with fluid build up. Since the surgery, she prefers wearing vest tops with the shelf support inside to a bra. She had some M&S ones, which wore out, so now she's wearing Primark, which she's said digs in. She has issues around money, is endlessly generous with others, but won't spend large amounts on herself unless you count buying hoards of 'bargains' that she doesn't actually need, and often aren't fit for purpose, but that's another thread

I offered to get her a couple of the M&S ones for her birthday, and she went mad and said not to as she thinks it's too much for me to spend (it's not at all). I think she needs to be wearing correctly fitting ones for her recovery as much as her comfort, so I've bought her a couple anyway. The debate is, how do I get around it, without stressing her over spending money? I'll have to give her the receipt, as I wasn't sure on the size, so she'll know I paid full. Would you just tell her 'tough luck/my money, my choice', or would you fib about how much you actually spent out of pocket? (OH has a staff reward scheme at work where you can buy gift cards for some stores at a 20% discount, M&S isn't one of them, but she has no way of knowing that. Also my bank does cashback offers when you use your debit card, again she'd have no way of verifying this, and neither would show on the receipt). Any alternative ways of handling it?

She hates people spending on her, so I usually buy her small gifts, or gifts that I can pretend cost less than they do, so I can downplay the spend. I can't this time, but she needs them IMO, and I know she won't buy them for herself.

cakeymccakington Tue 07-Nov-17 10:25:18

Can they not give you a gift receipt? That way she can exchange without knowing how much you spent

PeapodBurgundy Tue 07-Nov-17 10:28:35

I've already bought them. My local M&S is tiny and didn't stock them, so I had to click and collect meaning it's a big A4 delivery note rather than a standard till receipt. The best I could do is say 'I have the receipt if you need to swap the size'. Also she's in M&S all the time, plus she's bought them before, so even if I didn't have to give her the paperwork, she'd likely know what they cost.

GeorgeTheHamster Tue 07-Nov-17 10:32:30

Do you live close enough that you can swap the size for her if it needs doing?

PeapodBurgundy Tue 07-Nov-17 10:37:35

We live about a two hour/three bus journey apart. It's possible, but not the most practical when I have a travel sick toddler. She'll still likely know what I spent, and knowing her, would look it up in any case

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