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Is it ok to ignore this email?

(19 Posts)
GoGoNinjaDinosaur Mon 06-Nov-17 09:02:54

About 20 years ago, when I was 18 I had a bad relationship with someone. He was 5 years older, manipulative and loved drama. I had painfully low self-esteem. When I realised I wasn't happy I broke up with him, which he didn't like, and he proceeded to stalk me for months with phone calls through the night and turning up where he knew I'd be. Even years after he'd get in touch through my website (I'm self-employed and advertise online), and he'd give a false name and pretend to be interested in my services, and he'd pop up doing a bit of Facebook stalking and send me anonymous happy birthday texts. I didn't respond to any of this and eventually it stopped.
Thankfully I hadn't heard from him for a few years but now he's sent me an email apologising and asking if he gave me a ring that belonged to his mother. His mother has died and, if I have it, he'd like it back.
I have an awful memory and it was 20 years ago. I have no memory of a ring, but that doesn't mean he didn't give it to me. There's a chance that, even if he did give it to me, I might have thrown it out when he was harassing me.
Do I respond and ask what it looked like then look through my things to see if it's there? Or can I continue to ignore him in the hopes that he goes away again? Was there ever a ring or is this just an excuse to get in touch with me again? I definitely don't want to encourage contact but I'll wonder if I'm being cruel and keeping his mother's ring from him.

AlternativeTentacle Mon 06-Nov-17 09:04:33

It is just an excuse. Do not engage. Think of it as a worm on a hook...

Sparklingbrook Mon 06-Nov-17 09:05:14

Continue to ignore. Don't give it any more thought. If it was last month fair enough, but 20 years-nah.

pipistrell Mon 06-Nov-17 09:05:24

I would email one line to say "I'm sorry I don't remember a ring, but if there was one, I don't have it now. Kind regards etc"

Formal, businesslike and to the point.

Dollius01 Mon 06-Nov-17 09:05:50

Oh god ignore!

VanillaSugar Mon 06-Nov-17 09:05:51

Yup, he's trying to reel you back in.

RC1234 Mon 06-Nov-17 09:06:29

Just ignore it might be true that he is looking for a ring. But I think that you would remember that really. Not worth the drama of engaging with him on any level

Farahilda Mon 06-Nov-17 09:06:36

Look through your stuff. Any rings that you didn't know where they came from?

I expect not.

Send him four words 'I do not have it'

Mascarawandlady Mon 06-Nov-17 09:06:53

Ignore! He's playing games. If he gets a response now, he will contact you repeatedly.

GoGoNinjaDinosaur Mon 06-Nov-17 09:08:03

Phew! I'm glad I have mumsnet's permission to ignore! Every time he pops up I feel unsettled and I really would rather not have any contact.

notangelinajolie Mon 06-Nov-17 09:10:40

Oh goodness please do not respond. The harassment will surely start up all over again. It's not a good idea. Ignore.

GoGoNinjaDinosaur Mon 06-Nov-17 09:13:38

I do have quite a few rings and couldn't tell you where I got a few of them. My mum would randomly clear out her jewellery box and give me stuff when I was young and a lot of them are fairly similar. And as I said, my memory is shocking.

user1488622199 Mon 06-Nov-17 09:22:11

There was no ring - ignore him

Badweekjustgotworse Mon 06-Nov-17 09:35:29

Even if he did give it to you which I doubt (if it even exists) by his own admission he GAVE it to you. ejo asks for gifts back? Especially after 20 years, regardless of the circumstances!

Badweekjustgotworse Mon 06-Nov-17 09:36:04

Who.... not sure where ejo came from!

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Mon 06-Nov-17 09:38:39

IF he gave you a ring, he gave it to you, he didn't lend it

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Mon 06-Nov-17 09:40:44

Send his email to spam so you don't even have to look at any more... and definitely do not reply.

Shouldileavethedogs Mon 06-Nov-17 09:41:08

Ignore unless you want the drama again

GoGoNinjaDinosaur Mon 06-Nov-17 09:52:21

Thanks for the replies. I will ignore and mark him as spam. I will feel no guilt because mumsnet said I could!grin

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