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Married with emotional/physical abuse, yet a younger man is keen

(7 Posts)
Mummyof4angels Sun 05-Nov-17 00:51:51

Hi there, I need advise. I'm 35, OH also 35.
So I've been with my husband for two years and married for 3 months. Since being on our honey moon I have been given nothing but emotional and sometimes physical abuse (some examples- punched in my back, told I'm fat- I'm a size 8/10 uk, kicked in my stomach, kicked out of a hotel room in a foreign country on my own with no where to go etc. ) any way I became feeling really low about myself, and depressed, until I met a male friend of my OH, who's 21. The OH's friend told me how much he fancies me, and talks to me so sweetly, like I'm the best thing on the planet! The thing is I also find him so attractive! My OH has warned me on numerous occasions if he ever heard I cheated on him or left him for another man he wouldn't kick the guys head in, he'd kick my head in! But I'm beginning to have feelings for my OH friend, who's much younger than me! But who talks to me with appreciation, full of compliments, telling me he fancies me etc, when I watch both men play football I always find myself looking at the OH friend rather than the man I'm married too! Is this just a fantasy that I shouldn't go down? I'm worried because lust is dragging me further to my OH friend so much, I miss seeing my OH friend, he even text me to say he missed me. My OH shows me little affection. He even decided to sleep down stairs tonight. I just want cuddles and love. But I'm worried I will get my head kicked in... ergh just feel like my heads going to explode! sad
Many thanks

CamperVamp Sun 05-Nov-17 01:32:50

1. Leave your H. He is abusive.
Wait, establish yourself, regain your self esteem. Think about how far you need / don’t need men to feel good about yourself.
2. Then start meeting nice men and take it slow.

Vitalogy Sun 05-Nov-17 02:20:03

Op it would be best not to get involved with this other man. You really need to leave your abusive husband too. That's no way to live. It's not a loving relationship.

FinallyHere Sun 05-Nov-17 08:36:11

I am very sorry that it took the admiration of another partner, for you too realise what a terrible situation you are in. By all means use this new knowledge as wake up call, work on boosting your self esteem yourself, not just as a reflection of your value and worth in the eyes of another man.

Get strong and leave your current abusive partner. Build yourself a good life, free from abuse. Do not just ping pong onto an ever new partner, you would risk moving to maybe different, maybe the same, but abuse in one form or another .

Only you can build your own self esteem, only with good self esteem will you know to pick a partner who enhances your life. Start by looking after yourself and getting out of you existing relationship. All the best.

GsbMaxi Sun 12-Nov-17 12:22:48

There is nothing wrong with your feelings changing, however leaving your abusive husband first is a must. Not only so you can morally know that you did the right thing, but also because by the sounds of it your OH will use anything he can to make your life difficult and it just sounds like a bad situation. Getting away definitely needs to take precedence.

Council Sun 12-Nov-17 12:31:37

Leaving your OH, you must do that for yourself, not for any other man.

I'm sad to say that it sounds to me like the OM is just as manipulative as OH. Don't get dragged into that again.

WineAndTiramisu Sat 18-Nov-17 20:38:47

Leave him. He'll only get worse.
Leave, sort yourself out, then think about a new man

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