Talk

Advanced search

My Husband is constantly saying he is so glad the baby looks like him not me

(55 Posts)
kfindl90 Sun 29-Oct-17 18:35:47

I apologise in advance if this post is rambling, it is a little hard to explain.

My babygirl is 5 weeks old, and from the moment she was born, my husband has declared that she is his spitting image and that she looks nothing like me. To be fair, she does look a lot like him, and my husband is a very good looking man, so this is not a bad thing, but what I am finding difficult is the fact that my husband is so ^happy she looks nothing like me. He is nothing short of relieved. Now, I am not am unattractive person, I am just not perfect model material. My husband tells me that I am beautiful, so I am hurt that he seems to be so thrilled that our daughter doesn't look like me. For example, the other day I said 'oh, maybe she'll have my smile.' His response was 'No, hopefully she will have mine. I've got a beautiful smile. You have nice hands though, she has your hands.' I felt really hurt by this because I felt like he was saying I don't have a nice smile and he wouldn't want his daughter to have it.

To make it worse, when his family come to visit, they all comment on the fact that she looks nothing like me and then say that I am really lucky she looks like my husband. When a friend commented on what a beautiful child we have, my husband's response was 'Of course! She's my child!'

I don't know if I am just paranoid, or if I am justifiably feeling hurt. Can someone please give me there perspective?

TIA smile

whoareyoukidding Sun 29-Oct-17 18:43:47

What a cheeky git. I would feel hurt too. Sounds like his personality is negating his appearance. No one likes arrogant people. Maybe you could say 'let's hope her personality is like mine cos you're acting like a twat'.

GummyGoddess Sun 29-Oct-17 18:48:19

All babies seem to look like their dads for the first few months, she will start showing your features soon.

Your husband is being really cruel, I doubt he doesn't understand exactly what he's implying.

HerRoyalNotness Sun 29-Oct-17 18:49:12

Yes. What who said.

Fine to say she looks like him, not fine to go on about it or put you down. She may end up looking like you or a mix as they change so much over the months

MyBrilliantDisguise Sun 29-Oct-17 18:51:27

Ugh, he sounds awful. He's so conceited, isn't he? Did he really say, "I have a beautiful smile"? It sounds as though he practises his smile in the mirror.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower Sun 29-Oct-17 18:52:31

Wow, what an arrogant arsehole!

Both mine looked like their Dad as babies, most babies do initially. They now look nothing like him

Haffdonga Sun 29-Oct-17 18:55:06

Every time he says something like that just say 'Well hopefully she'll get my personality not yours '

Sickoffamilydrama Sun 29-Oct-17 18:55:14

I'd just ignore, At 5 weeks babies all look pretty similar you can never tell what they'll look like.
If it helps my mother and sister in law seem obsessed with pointing out how none of the kids look like me which is absolute rubbish as they all do one is almost a mini me but no apparently they take after their side.
I think it's a possession thing.... that they belong to their family of they look like them maybe it's the same with your husband?
If you want to shut it down every time he eats something have a reply ready such as she may have your looks but we are all hoping she's got my brains/personality 😉

GarlicBreadItsTheFuture Sun 29-Oct-17 18:55:23

Both my kids looked like their Dad when they were born - now they are both the spitting image of me. He was similarly annoying when they were born. Apparently it is supposed to make the father more protective of child and mother - sadly that was not the case.

Afternooncatnap Sun 29-Oct-17 18:56:31

It's sounds like he is really vain. Maybe hes just over proud and doesn't realise what he is saying is putting you down.

I actually find it werid that he is pleased that she looks like him. Why would you want your daughter to look like a man.

There faces change loads as well. Some days my son looks like my family other times he looks the spit of my husband.

Ohdearducks Sun 29-Oct-17 18:56:51

What a conceited little fuckwit you’ve married, ask him why he’s married you if you’re so unbearable in the face department? I bet you’re not at all obviously but it seems he’s trying to make you feel that way for some reason. Is he trying to lower your self esteem? Is he otherwise unkind?

GreenTulips Sun 29-Oct-17 18:56:58

Babies are made to I look like their dads so dads accept them as their own (or some such crap)

Tell him to feck off

Bluntness100 Sun 29-Oct-17 18:57:56

Fuck me he said he as a beautiful smile? Not only bigging himself up but putting you down in the process?

I don’t give a shit if he makes Tom hardy look like a hairy handed troll, I couldn’t be with a man so narcissistic, derogatory to someone he is supposed to love,lacking in any form of modesty and so far up his own arse it’s breath taking.

If you’re not willing to leave him, start practicising yout put downs. So something like “ yeah shame it gets lost in your big fucking head”.

Honestly what a dick.

Scribblegirl Sun 29-Oct-17 18:58:37

I'm not usually one of those 'poor the menz' types but on some level I'm guessing it's connected to his desire to bond with your DD. Are you bfing? I'm not apologiseing it at all but I remember reading that babies tend to look like their dads in the early stages as it made cavemen more likely to stick around and look after their child i.e. feed it and fight off bears and shit grin

You absolutely shouldn't have to do this, but have you explained to your husband how it makes you feel? If I'm being generous I would say he is reaching out to try and have a strong connection with baby (oh she's so mine - look how we share a smile) which is harder for him as he didn't carry or birth her and he's potentially not feeding her or able to comfort her in the same way you can.

I agree it's completely insensitive to your wife who is only just recovering from birth but I wonder if it's perhaps not a malicious thing.

Holdtightdontletgo Sun 29-Oct-17 18:58:47

Has he always thought he was gods gift?

tattychicken Sun 29-Oct-17 18:58:49

God he sounds a twat.

Scribblegirl Sun 29-Oct-17 18:59:53

Just so I'm clear I still think he's being an arsehole, I just think that if he's not usually a dick it might be explainable..

moomoo222 Sun 29-Oct-17 19:00:06

Is he always that vain?

I like the 'well I hope she has my personality' comment!

MrsPresley Sun 29-Oct-17 19:00:31

Next time he says your DD looks like him just say "never mind, like a good wine she'll get better with age"!

Seriously though, he sounds very conceited! If she does keep looking like him, hopefully she will have more of your personality!

Ummmmgogo Sun 29-Oct-17 19:04:54

at least he's confident! it's hard to tell from your post whether it's banter or a proud new dad or a deliberate put down. if the rest of your relationship is fine then just make a joke back.

coldcanary Sun 29-Oct-17 19:05:20

What a total git he’s being, how have you not lost it with him yet?Have you actually said to him ‘do you realise how much you’re upsetting me?’ and explaining to him that he’s being really cruel to the mother of his child?
Alternatively you could just go for ‘you big headed bastard, go find someone stupid enough to put up with your nasty comments’ but you really do need to make it crystal clear that he’s hurting you.
He needs to be in no doubt at all that he’s being utterly nasty.

Mirrormirrorotw Sun 29-Oct-17 19:06:08

He doesn't have much self awareness, does he?

Every time he says something about it just don't respond. Give him the grey rock treatment.

Does he say/do other things repeatedly to put you down?

Whinesalot Sun 29-Oct-17 19:10:41

What is he like normally regarding birth your looks?

Whinesalot Sun 29-Oct-17 19:10:58

Both

Bluntness100 Sun 29-Oct-17 19:11:08

He needs to be in no doubt at all that he’s being utterly nasty

You think he’s thick as well as conceited? That he doesn’t know?

Got yourself a right catch there op. A prince amongst men.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now