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(14 Posts)
Schtinkay Sat 21-Oct-17 00:02:17

29, nearly 30

This is vague on purpose

BF of 6 months. moved in together after 6 weeks - was meant to be for 3 weeks, ended up 3 months - because I was buying a flat.

I've now bought my flat so moved out. We spend about 3-5 days/evenings together now as would be normal for this sort of relationship (both work long hours in central London).

I love him. He's generous with his love and time as well as the rest. I've never felt such a connection on meeting someone before, but I've had my heart smashed into pieces so I'm very wary usually. We didn't argue at all while living together.

My long winded question is that I was brought up alone by my kind, strong father. He taught me what I'm worth. I'm not sure DP can comprehend that due to his own tough early life. I'm certain he loves me I'm his way - he tell me, he shows if, all his friends do too - but I don't always feel it. I feel like he lives his Peter Pan party life that he did before. I trust him but he's constantly texting female friends. A part of me feels that if I was 25 I might just walk away, but I'm nearly 30 and I so want children. So much.

I'm rambling. Please don't be too harshly

MyBrilliantDisguise Sat 21-Oct-17 00:06:38

If you want children, for God's sake don't get involved with a Peter Pan who is constantly texting female friends. Think about being home with a baby while he's out with those friends. Think of his phone beeping again and again while you're struggling to deal with your baby. It would be awful.

Think of your dad. What would he say? Would he do that to his partner?

Schtinkay Sat 21-Oct-17 00:35:57

No. My mother died nearly 30 years ago and he hasn't met anyone else, he's just enjoyed friendship, travel etc.

You're right. I just haven't met anyone I've cared for for years and I genuinely think he just doesn't know how to do relationships. He's trying, he's improving, but yeah. I don't want to be at home while his phone beeps and beeps.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sat 21-Oct-17 00:41:21

He's trying, he's improving to be something he's not which will never work in the long run.

A part of me feels that if I was 25 I might just walk away, but I'm nearly 30 and I so want children. So much.
If you want babies with the right man, don't waste time with one that is not the right man. What makes a good boyfriend is not necessarily what makes a good long-term partner and co-parent.

Schtinkay Sat 21-Oct-17 00:45:06

His background is ultra ultra privilege. Mine was very much so too but different levels. His relationships have never been deep or serious and I know he loves me, I know he sees a future. He just hasn't done this before. I explain why something made me feel a bit shit and can see the cogs whirring and the realisation, followed by an apology and a change in his behaviour.

I just don't know if I want to wait or take that risk. I want kids more than I want a man and I'm financially secure enough to do it alone if need be.

Hellywelly10 Sat 21-Oct-17 00:59:21

Have you told him you don't like him texting other women all the time. I don't know if it could handle that tbh

callmehannahbaker Sat 21-Oct-17 01:04:04

I'm not having a go, really, but why does him texting women bother you if they are friends? He could be texting about you.
Talk it through a lot before you consider leaving. Connections like you say you have don't come along often.

Schtinkay Sat 21-Oct-17 01:09:49

I know nothing is going on. He often passes me the phone to reply. He's slept with two of them long ago and they've really made an effort with me.

But I wonder why he needs the validation. Friendship and nights out as a group yes, lots of whatsapp all the time feels too intimate

I 100% trust his motives. I think he's immature and doesn't get if.

callmehannahbaker Sat 21-Oct-17 01:15:35

Friendships and relationships should go hand in hand though. If he's let you know about the two/they've made an effort/he is willing to let you reply, surely, and I mean this in the kindest way possible, your past issues are the things that need addressing first-before you can commit to someone who loves you.

Wanting to talk to friends and maintain old friendships is healthy. Wanting to cut someone off isn't. Can you talk through your worries with him and any others?

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sat 21-Oct-17 01:22:07

How old is he?

Schtinkay Sat 21-Oct-17 01:41:13


It's not the girls themselves, I like them as people, I trust him with them, I just don't like the constant nature of it. I have many male friends but I don't text them back and forth all the bloody time.

He says I'm silly, he loves me, they love me, I shouldn't worry.

But you know what? We aren't 23/at uni. I want a proper relationship where some things are sacred and stronger boundaries are established.

MistressDeeCee Sat 21-Oct-17 01:48:06

Whatsapping women all the time? About what, exactly? These men who need a female harem whether for physical or emotional satisfaction/validation aren't really present in their own relationship. They're not talking about "nothing" are they. Whether it's day to day lives, or discussing you/relationship, whatever - it's rude. Tapping and yapping away on a phone all the time, I couldn't be bothered with someone so invested in his little handheld whispering and social life extender/harem enabler. I'm not saying he should change. He won't. Just that if you are saddened and unhappy with your man regularly texting back and forth with several women then you should leave, really. If you stay with him marry and have DCs then you're not going to feel any better about it are you.

callmehannahbaker Sat 21-Oct-17 01:49:52

I have inboxed you op

Schtinkay Sat 21-Oct-17 02:10:07

I've read the messages (he gave them to me) and it's mindless, sporadic crap. Often them asking about me and him saying we are great. Days in between then random "hi, how you doing?" Etc

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