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Friend not attending course.

(14 Posts)
Caulk Fri 20-Oct-17 09:11:11

My work run various free courses. A friend, Helen said she would like to do one, and invited a mutual friend, Tanya to go too. Since the course began, I’ve been off work having and recovering from surgery. Each week Helen has text me saying how much she has enjoyed the course.

Last night Tanya came round before going there to see me. Whilst here, she had a text from Helen saying she couldn’t make it to the course. Tanya said that they are on week 5 if the course and Helen has only come to week 1 and 2, despite telling me she has been there every week.

Helen has low self confidence, and I know if she doesn’t attend then she will be asked to leave. This will knock her confidence as she has a bit of a “everyone hates me and doesn’t want me around” mentality. The course is just for fun, but each week progressss onto the next so she will have missed she needdd go learn in early weeks.

Would you speak to Helen and say you know she hasn’t been going, speak to work and explain that it will upset Helen to be asked to leave or just leave it, but knowing that Helen is lying.

Caulk Fri 20-Oct-17 09:12:11

*what she needed to learn

Sorry, should have proof read.

Branleuse Fri 20-Oct-17 09:18:39

I wouldnt say anything to anyone. Not your problem

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Fri 20-Oct-17 09:19:53

The course is “just for fun”?

When you say she’ll be “asked to leave” you do mean just the course, not her actual job don’t you?

Caulk Fri 20-Oct-17 09:21:13

She doesn’t work with me, I mean she is doing the course for fun, not for a qualification or anything.

Schmoopy Fri 20-Oct-17 09:29:47

Feign ignorance but don't do something like this for her again. If they ask her to leave, then so be it. She can't be surprised if it happens. She knows she's not attending.

I do have sympathy for her low self confidence, but committing to something thenletting people down and lying aren't very likeable qualities.

She does need to take some responsibility for herself though. You can't behave in unlikeable ways and then wonder why peope don't like you.

She needs to get counselling for the low confidence and do things to help herself. Pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone, being successful and positive feedback from others are all ways of improving self confidence. She isn't going to get any of that if she continues to do this.

FinallyDecidedOnUserName Fri 20-Oct-17 09:33:57

Leave it. Surely it’s up to her

Caulk Fri 20-Oct-17 09:37:40

I don’t like that I know she’s lying to me, and when I return to work i imagine my boss will comment how she didn’t attend, so she’ll know that I know she was lying.

She was so exited to do it that I just thought she would actually just do it and it would all be simple!

LIZS Fri 20-Oct-17 09:38:24

When you say fun , is it counting as cpd? Does she get time off work to attend? Can you text back and say you are pleased she has enjoyed it so far. Don't mention that you have been told she hasn't been going, just encourage her to keep going.

Caulk Fri 20-Oct-17 09:42:37

No, she doesn’t work currently but previously was in an unrelated field. It’s an Introduction to BSL course, which my work and she said it was something she had always wanted to do

Caulk Fri 20-Oct-17 09:44:17

Sorry, missed a bit out. Was going to say “which my work offer”. I work for a church and we run or have people in to run courses that community or church might be interested in. This one was because we received some funding.

LIZS Fri 20-Oct-17 10:05:11

Oh misunderstood, thought you all worked for same company. Is the funding conditional on minimum attendance criteria and were others unable to get a place? Could be tricky for her to make up missed sessions and it will only get more difficult the longer she leaves it. Encourage her to keep going though.

Littlechocola Fri 20-Oct-17 10:09:25

During conversation just ask ‘are you okay, I heard you missed the course?’

Caulk Fri 20-Oct-17 10:14:17

Funding was dependant on 12 people doing it i think and including both friends there are about 15. So no one has lost a place due to her being there and I don’t think it will matter to funding but I don’t know enough about that.

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