Hello. I don't know where to start. I'm 24 years old. I think my mum hates me but I know she loves me. If I died I know she'd cry and be sad, but why is she trying to make me think that she hates me? She calls me a slut, a whore, tells me she wishes I was never her daughter. I'm really sad. I cry when talks to me, and she says why are you crying again? I cry because I'm sad, I'm sad because I felt you never loved me, I'm sad because you won't acknowledge my sadness. I'm now an adult but inside I'm a child craving my mother's love, affection. But at this point I feel like even if she tried to show me that I wouldn't accept it, why do I feel like that? I crave acceptance on a day to day basis from anyone and everyone. My mother always tells me she wishes I was someone different, more like her friends' daughters. I love my mother, I would die for her. The slut shaming started when I told her that I was touched inappropriately by male family members and male family friends at the age of 6 til I was 10. She told me it was my fault, and at 15 when I told her this I thought maybe it was my fault. I think my mother is sad about how her life has panned out and her only is escape is to take it out on me, so I understand. But it still hurts. I don't know what to do, I'm just really sad.
I think you need to seek some professional counselling, you may be able to access it for free through you GP. You feel like you do because you’ve been confused and inappropriately treated for a significant amount of time, your innocence and trust has been abused.