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Children don't want to be friends with a child anymore..

(6 Posts)
buzz17 Wed 18-Oct-17 22:28:33

NC for this just incase..
I have been friends with someone for a few years now.

I have two children and she has one. My eldest is a few months younger than her child. So they have grown up with the child in their life. Never really really close, but recently in the last year we have spent at least once a week together.

Now, my issue is that my children no longer want to be friends with this child. I have tried to find out why, but they don't really know. (All of them primary school age).

I want to stay friends with her.
BUT I don't want to force a friendship when my children don't want to.

I can tell when they start to get fed up of the child and we leave. They end up sitting with me - which they barely do. They get snappy - which they never do in front of others. They are normally very reserved and polite.

DC1 is very kind and can put up with a lot. DC2 can be a pain in the bum, but DC1 has the patience of a saint. It amazes me.
But even DC1 gets fed up and asks the child to leave him alone.

They come to my house sometimes and stay much later than I want.. even after me saying "omg is that the time, the kids have to go to bed soon!"
My children go up at 6:30, we read 2 stories and they are in bed by 7. Asleep by 7:30 - it's awesome! She once stayed until 8pm!!! I wanted to say "just piss off already!"
She is fully aware of our routine.

The main issue I have.. how do I deal with this?! As a parent, I need to listen to what my children want.

It isn't an option to see her while they're at school because she would want the children to play together. I'm running out of excuses not to see them! Although me and my friend talk daily.

I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I just don't know what to do! I can't just say "sorry, my DC don't want to see your child anymore, I don't know why but I need to listen to what they want" because that would upset her!

Sorry this is so long, I'm trying to say as much as possible, but without giving too much information away incase she saw it!

TempStamos Wed 18-Oct-17 22:37:39

There’s must be a reason, is the child loud / naughty / annoying? Can you not see her without the kids, leave them with partner or family/friends? I have friends where my kids don’t get on with their kids and I normally just mention that, had always been the case that if their DC hasn’t seen it at least the parent has noticed it.

boysarebackintown2 Wed 18-Oct-17 22:38:50

Can you see an obvious reason why they don't like this child when they're playing together?
If you meet regularly you must notice why

bigbluedustbin Wed 18-Oct-17 22:45:01

I think you need to start suggesting doing things with your friend that aren’t child friendly. Frame it as “I need a break from the kids sometimes, let’s go to the pub” or something.

I’m glad you’re honouring your kids choice to end the friendship. My own mum forced her friends kid on me and I hated having to spend so much time with a kid I wasn’t interested in having a friendship with (and her friends kid didn’t like me, either!).

buzz17 Thu 19-Oct-17 07:25:37

DC1 are her child are the same sex and only a few months apart so you'd think they'd be fantastic together.

Her child has autism, so can be boisterous but also loud and in your face.
I personally don't like them coming to my house because the child breaks things, has no respect and she never says a word. I'm always having to be the bad guy.
I even lock my DC2 room so it stays untouched! Well I tie the handle to another handle so they can't go in.

My children aren't used to so much loudness and after school is chill out time mostly. Of course they play, but they would rather be playing with a few toys in the lounge or colouring up the table. Whereas this child just trashes everything.

I've never said a word against this child in front of them so I'm definitely not projecting my feelings.
The autism doesn't bother me in the slightest as my sister is autistic so is similar - but my children love playing with her. Our neighbours daughter is too but she gets on really well with DC2 because they love the same things.

My friends boyfriend won't have their child on his own because he can't handle his behaviour.. he has a quick temper. She doesn't like leaving them together either.

The child will be starting school soon.. deferred for a year so will go into year 1. So it's going to be harder to avoid them. I am especially worried that DC1 and the child will end up in the same class.

I could try and just go round after school in the morning actually! I hadn't thought of that.
I'm pregnant with some possible complications so I don't need the added stress of them visiting me.

boysarebackintown2 Thu 19-Oct-17 13:49:25

I would just see them less and try to meet the friend alone sometimes.
When the kids are together don't let the meet drag on for hours until your kids are bored. Explain to them in advance that they're seeing the boy and ask they to try their best and get along for the time they're together.
You shouldn't force friendships but I wouldn't personally avoid a friends child being around my own unless that child was bullying or being nasty. Kids change their minds all the time.
My ds1 doesn't get on with next doors kids and has had rows with them over the fence over one thing or another but the next week they'll play together. We (parents) don't get involved other that to say 'you don't have to be friends but you have to be kind and respectful to one another'.

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