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Pregnant but don't want the baby

(23 Posts)
Chocolatteandbiscuits Wed 18-Oct-17 17:21:17

I'm freaking out! Im pregnant again by my DS dad. It's complicated between us, we were giving it ago again but I don't t think we can be together. My family hate him, he's been abusive to me before. Lied and cheated. I tried again for D'S. Stupidly we had sex and i forgot to take my pill. I thought I'd be ok. Now I'm pregnant and don't want the baby. I struggled so much with my D'S and my mental health isn't great. I know I wouldn't cope. But should I tell my D'S dad I'm Pregnant? I think he would make me keep it. If I didn't tell him and just had an abortion it might be easier.

Sorry this is a bit rambled I've only just found out I'm pregnant

Chocolatteandbiscuits Wed 18-Oct-17 17:24:25

And now I've had a text from DM saying my grandpa is terminally ill. Such a bad day gin

Theworldisfullofidiots Wed 18-Oct-17 17:34:46

Sorry you are having a terrible day. I can't tell you what to do. Only you can decide.
I think you already have.
The problem is both answers are unpalatable. I just think you need to do what will be the best for you and Ds in the long term.

Theworldisfullofidiots Wed 18-Oct-17 17:35:18

Oh and flowers and cake

Chocolatteandbiscuits Wed 18-Oct-17 18:07:56

Thanks, I really don't think I'd be able to cope with another baby atm. My D'S is only 15 months. Is just weather I tell exP. If I tell him and do it then I think he would make my life he'll but there's a bit of me what would feel guilty not telling him and he should know. I'm just torn

BrandNewHouse Wed 18-Oct-17 18:10:29

OP, I think you should have a termination, say nothing to him ever, get the fuck away from him.

I know that you know that too.
Honestly, if you just make the call you will feel so relieved.

TheHeartOfTeFiti Wed 18-Oct-17 18:15:09

Do what you want to do.

Theworldisfullofidiots Wed 18-Oct-17 19:09:50

You have no obligation to tell him. It's your body.

sourpatchkid Wed 18-Oct-17 19:18:37

If he's abusive don't tell him.

rocky4 Wed 18-Oct-17 19:20:28

I can imagine this being a very difficult situation for you. I know some will disagree but if I were in your shoes I’d go ahead with termination and not tell him. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. This is your life it will impact mostly, and your DS. If you don’t feel in the position to be able to offer new baby the love, care, happiness and material things it will need then I wouldn’t do it. Think of your mental health also. Good luck with whichever route you pick flowers

Csd17 Wed 18-Oct-17 19:23:32

I have a newborn. The idea of a toddler and newborn at the SAME TIME seems like a nightmare. If you feel like you will struggle to cope, listen to those feelings. Your son’s father has no say over your decision. Yes it’s his child but it’s your body and you will be the primary carer of those children. You don’t need to tell him. You just need to do what is right for you.

Chocolatteandbiscuits Wed 18-Oct-17 19:52:49

Thank you for you advice. I have just told 1 friend in RL about this. I can't tell my family because what my DM is going through. She has enough on her plate atm.

I've booked an appointment at a clinic in so scared. I have no idea who is going to look after my DS either as he can't be there.

Theworldisfullofidiots Wed 18-Oct-17 19:59:49

Could your friend help?

Chocolatteandbiscuits Wed 18-Oct-17 20:01:50

I'll ask her but she's just had eye surgery so I feel a bit bad asking her and she can't drive atm too

picklemepopcorn Wed 18-Oct-17 20:07:44

Don't tell him.
Can your mum have him if you tell her it's an appointment he can't go to? Make up a cover story?

Chocolatteandbiscuits Wed 18-Oct-17 20:46:27

My DM, DF ( my grandpa) has been diagnosed as terminally ill so I don't want to put him on her while shes so upset

Theworldisfullofidiots Thu 19-Oct-17 19:56:40

how are you? Was thinking about you today. Hope ok.

Chocolatteandbiscuits Thu 19-Oct-17 20:35:13

Not great if I'm honest. I'm a bit of an emotional wreck. A lot of different things are going on in my life atm and they aren't good. However I still feel it's the right thing having this termination

Orangebird69 Thu 19-Oct-17 20:41:18

You do what is right for YOU OP. You don't have to tell your abusive ex 'partner' if you don't want to and even if you did, he can't make you continue with the pregnancy.
I hope you've got some objective support. flowers. When you've dealt with this situation and the sad news about your grandad, have a look at the Freedom Programme x

Theworldisfullofidiots Thu 19-Oct-17 20:59:48

I'm sorry we can't help more. Can lend morale support and an ear.

Theworldisfullofidiots Thu 19-Oct-17 21:00:40

Remember a day at a time and somehow we get through it.

Chocolatteandbiscuits Thu 19-Oct-17 22:37:26

orange thank you I'll look into it
theworld tbh just writing on here helps a lot so thank you for listening

BrandNewHouse Fri 20-Oct-17 09:18:17

OP it sounds like you feel comfortable with your decision but not the situation.

With abusive partners it is easy to get used to making decisions based on their reactions and it can feel ‘odd’ to 100% NOT include them in your thinking. Just remember that the discomfort is to do with a new way of making decisions, rather than the decision itself.

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