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Fallout from reporting someone to social service

(24 Posts)
user1489044622 Wed 27-Sep-17 19:09:34

I reported a child to SS last week, circumstances not important to this aside from the fact that the incident was the "icing on the cake" and happened in my home. I'm confident I did the right thing.

However: SS told them yesterday that it was me that made the report.

My child came home today upset because the child I made a report about has said they won't be coming round to my house anymore because I've caused trouble for their mum and dad, who are very angry with me. Told my child lots of details from the report I made.

Do SS usually tell who reported them? Would it have been because the incident took place in my home? I made the report through a 3rd party who I understood hadn't passed on my details.

Also - do you think I should let the class teacher know? Not what I said in the referral, but that my child is being upset at school about it? I suspect school already know about the report anyway as SS telephoned child's mum and I hadn't given her number out but had said which school she went to.

Littlefish Wed 27-Sep-17 19:14:05

You have my sympathy. I am in a similar position and it's very hard. I would definitely speak to the school about your child. I wmtjdwajpm suggest you speak to the safeguarding leader, who is often the headteacher, to let them know about your referral. Children's Services don't always phone through to schools promptly.

Littlefish Wed 27-Sep-17 19:14:08

You have my sympathy. I am in a similar position and it's very hard. I would definitely speak to the school about your child. I wmtjdwajpm suggest you speak to the safeguarding leader, who is often the headteacher, to let them know about your referral. Children's Services don't always phone through to schools promptly.

MissUnderwood Wed 27-Sep-17 19:14:18

Depends what you were witness too. I can't say I agree with snitching unless you have concrete evidence a child is possibly be abused or neglected.

And yes, you should speak to your child's teacher about your child being upset. Maybe SS gave your details because they think it's a malicious report?

lookatyourwatchnow Wed 27-Sep-17 19:15:22

Missunderwood hmm

Whambarsarentasfizzyastheywere Wed 27-Sep-17 19:20:04

As far as I'm aware social services can pass on all the information they receive to the parent.

They certainly did when I was maliciously reported several times.

I asked them each time who reported me and they said it was an anonymous female cheers mother and also the 'anonomous female' asked them not to pass on certain accusations but they did anyway. I imagine if they had a name that would have been passed on to me as well.

elfycat Wed 27-Sep-17 19:24:32

I reported a friend 18 months ago, to the school and to SS. Don't report it to the teacher; go in and speak with the safeguarding team.

The fallout from reporting it was worth it. Anything that happens now didn't happen on my watch, and I hope she got the help that she needed and is still being helped

elfycat Wed 27-Sep-17 19:26:43

I have to add that she wasn't given my name, even though they had it. I did ask for it not to be given and I it wasn't because she asked at least 2 other people if it was them first.

MissUnderwood Wed 27-Sep-17 19:30:12

lookatyourwatchnow This is a forum where posters can share their concerns and ask for advice anonymously. Who knows what the OP's, and the persons she reported, backstories are.

Lots of posters on here declare certain parenting decisions as utterly neglectful, while many others adamantly disagree. You can't always be so sure what posters are reporting are valid concerns.

Personally, I think that allowing your child access to every games console going and allowing to stay almost constantly glued to a tablet, is neglect. Leaving children alone for long periods of time and not spending time with them, while their childhood fades away is neglect. It needs SS involvement.

Allowing your child to get obese is abuse and neglectful and needs SS involvement too.

Apparently allowing children to play out is also neglectful parenting.

See? Everyone has a different view on what is abuse and neglect.

I'd be interested to know what the op has been witness to, to be able to judge if it is neglectful or if she wraps her own child in cotton wool. You just never know. There are so many snooty parents around these days.

user1489044622 Wed 27-Sep-17 19:36:25

Thanks - I hadn't thought about going to the safeguarding lead, I will ask to speak to them tomorrow.

Snitching?!! I can't even.

widowtocricket Wed 27-Sep-17 19:51:47

Surely this is terrible behaviour that SS have told the parents who reported them?
It would certainly deter me from reporting someone if I knew they would know it was me?
I understand that some people make malicious reports & if that is the case & it's unfounded then they tell them who made the malicious complaint.
This could make things very difficult for the op & her child.

Dolly80 Wed 27-Sep-17 20:16:08

If you call children's social care directly they should ask whether you want to be 'anonymous' or not. If you say you do your details shouldn't be given out at all. That said, often the person being reported figures out who contacted social care without being told by anyone, for instance due to where / when a particular incident might have happened, who was with them at the time etc

You say you reported via a third party. Did they confirm they'd treat your information as anonymous? Do you know whether they told Children's Social Care you wanted to be anonymous? Did Children's Social Care explicitly name you or did the person reported work it out?

user1489044622 Wed 27-Sep-17 20:18:00

Like I said, I know I did the right thing reporting it. I am not going to share the details as to why I reported them, save to say I have been in close proximity to this child for some months and my concern has been growing, and this is not the first time that intervention has been required.

user1489044622 Wed 27-Sep-17 20:22:14

Apparently the SS person did name me specifically, but that was reported to me second hand. I wasn't the only witness in the room when the incident in question happened, but it did happen in my house, so I guess they would have worked it out anyway.

user1489044622 Wed 27-Sep-17 20:22:59

Will have to ask the third party what info they passed on about me - they told me they hadn't given my name.

Dolly80 Wed 27-Sep-17 20:30:44

I would double check with them to see if they did (otherwise how did Children's Social Care know your name?)

Dolly80 Wed 27-Sep-17 20:34:15

Also, if you feel what you did has safeguarded a child it was the right thing to do. Although it's sad for your child to lose a friend I'm sure you can support them through that.

LynetteScavo Wed 27-Sep-17 20:38:57

This makes me so cross...an incident in SILs house resulted in her reporting to SS. Low and behold for the next few months she received delightful items such as turds through her letter box.

SILs only concern was for the child concerned, and this is the price she had to pay for trying to help the child.

Sorry, not much help OP, but I m posting in the hope that SS change their protocol.

Madbum Wed 27-Sep-17 20:52:14

Depends what you were witness too. I can't say I agree with snitching unless you have concrete evidence

This is how children slip through the cracks.
Small things can be part of a bigger picture that when viewed together signal abuse or neglect.
People who are concerned enough to be thinking of SS involvement should always call SS or NSPCC. It’s not our job to find ‘hard evidence’ it’s the job of SS.
You only need to read the serious case reviews of Baby P and Victoria Climbe and others to see the missed opportunities, so many adults around them kept their mouths shut because they weren’t sure or were more worried about the trouble it may cause to the adults perpertrating the abuse so it carried on and no one rescued them.

People who report are putting the children first, people who don’t are putting the adults first.

MissUnderwood Wed 27-Sep-17 20:59:42

Ok, I agree in those circumstances Madbum.

However, there was a thread on here recently where quite a few posters where saying that allowing your DC to play out is neglectful basically scummy. hmm

I'd hate to think a parent reported me because I allow my dc to enjoy their childhoods outdoors with their friends.

I gather from what little detail the op has given, the incident involves concerns about two or more types of abuse. So maybe valid after all.

lookatyourwatchnow Thu 28-Sep-17 14:12:54

Missunderwood your attitude depicted in your initial post is dangerous and highlights why, sometimes, abuse goes unreported. You based your opinion on assumption that the concerns were probably unfounded with no basis for such an assumption and you also referred to making a report to Children’s Services as ‘snitching’. Awful.

Helentwinsplus1 Sun 01-Oct-17 00:17:37

My experience is that they will say that there was an allegation made but not who made it.

WineAndTiramisu Tue 03-Oct-17 11:34:26

If the incident occurred at your house and you were the only witness, it's probably pretty obvious who reported it, even if they didn't name you unfortunately

Bluelonerose Tue 10-Oct-17 20:06:58

Surely ss shouldn't be giving out names?

I can't see people reporting concerns if they do.

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