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Weekend away and horrible anniversary

(12 Posts)
Ofalltheginjoints Thu 15-Jun-17 22:05:28

In a bit of a dilemma right now, Saturday is the 10th anniversary of an accident that left me with life changing injuries and every year my mood plummets in the few days coming up to the date and for a day or so afterwards then I seem to be able to shake it off and get back to normal.

This weekend we're going away to an event DP is heavily involved in and Saturday includes a social evenin after the main event. I have to go as I'm driving him (he doesn't) and I'll help him set up tomorrow night.

My problem is Saturday and the social it would seem really odd if I missed it especially as I'd be around on the morning at least initially and it's always the same people that tend to go and there is always a social event I just don't know if I can get through a night of small talk and pretending I'm fine when I'm really not.

The accident still has a big impact and there is a lot of bitterness still, though it is getting less, I've had counselling previously which helped a bit it's more just coming to terms with it, which, to be fair, I probably should have after 10 years.

I don't want to let my partner down by hiding away, he's offered not to go but I don't want to spoil his weekend and if I went there would be alcohol so I'd have to leave the car at the hotel, it's quite rural so not a huge amount of taxis either,
Any advice gratefully received (and sorry this is so long, didn't want to drip feed)

Eggandchipsfortea93 Thu 15-Jun-17 22:14:37

One way to look at it would be that this is life giving you a nudge to put it behind you? Go to the event, use it as a distraction, push out thoughts of the accident, and see this as your new start. It will still come into your mind sometimes, but there's no need to give it a special day, its doesn't deserve that much of your headspace any more.

If you went, and didn't feel so good, you could excuse yourself (say you feel unwell) and get a taxi back to the hotel perhaps, but worth giving it a try?

Ofalltheginjoints Fri 16-Jun-17 09:21:41

Thanks for your reply egg it's useful to consider it from antlers view point, 10yrs is a very long time for that date to still have those meanings really isn't it? So many other things will have happened but it's reflecting on a negative and in all honesty it's pointless I can't change what happened

I think I'll give it a go going to the event tomorrow night as you say a taxi will always be an option if it does get too much

CMOTDibbler Fri 16-Jun-17 09:31:16

I'd give it a go. I had a life changing injury accident 7 years ago, and live with the consequences every minute in terms of pain, disfigurement and dysfunction. On the anniversary I allow myself half an hour of sulking about it and then move on again

Eggandchipsfortea93 Fri 16-Jun-17 09:45:20

That's fantastic OP (and brave :-)!).
I hope you have a really good time flowers, let us know how you get on?

Ofalltheginjoints Fri 16-Jun-17 20:42:42

Thanks for sharing your experience CMOT glad you've found a way to get through it.

Definitely will update tomorrow, at the location now though not without incident as DP knocked me which saw me ending up having to lie down for a couple of hours, but trying to make the best of it just keep telling myself I can do it, we have a lovely hotel I can escape back to if I need to

Ofalltheginjoints Sun 18-Jun-17 22:25:02

Well I managed it!
I escaped for a few hours in the middle of the day to have some time to myself and then went to the evening event, didn't tell anyone, my injury was playing up so more obviously then it usually is due to medical equipment but people were lovely as usual, there were a few comments from one individual across the night such as the "dwp will be watching" when I tried to join in one activity with a group (DP heard and responded before I could to this guy) and "have you just smacked up" when I took my Meds, ridiculously that made my cry very briefly but then I pulled myself together and ignored him the rest of the evening and then kicked his ass in the quiz (it's the simple things)

All in all it did help to go didn't allow me to sit, mope and wonder what if, so thank you for your encouragement flowers wine

Eggandchipsfortea93 Sun 18-Jun-17 22:36:47

Well done OP, sounds like you did brilliantly :-), and next year it'll no longer be 'that day' in the same way it has been until now. Your DH sounds great, and I bet he's really proud of you too. You deserve a good quantity of wine and chocolate (or whatever you fancy!) flowers

CMOTDibbler Sun 18-Jun-17 22:44:28

Well done! And particularly well done on getting through stupid comments. Though I usually go with 'yup' on the meds front smile

SomeOtherFuckers Mon 19-Jun-17 00:28:17

I agree with egg- see it as a push to not let your past control you. If you focus on the past then you'll miss the fun of the present.
However, sometimes that's easier said than done. If you can't handle it and they'll see you in the morning then ask your DH to tell a little porky and tell anyone who's asked that you've come down with a migraine and can't face leaving the dark hotel room that night. Cue the ' oh what a shame, hope she feels better' and then them thinking nothing more of it x

SomeOtherFuckers Mon 19-Jun-17 00:28:41

Oh you did it! Just seen! Nm no porkies necessary lol x

Ofalltheginjoints Mon 19-Jun-17 21:39:59

Thanks everyone, despite having never met you the fact you took the time to discuss it with me did help.
some there was a bit of a porky in the middle of the day when I disappeared but I surprised myself and got back there.

I think 10 years is long enough to grieve now for "what should have been" and next year I'll be able to draw on this year's experience.

The Meds comment was so stupidly annoying but I shouldn't be ashamed of my medication as it lets me work, generally function etc just people do judge.

Anyway thanks again for everything and I agree with you eggs DP is definitely a good one (just wish he was more careful at times!) flowersflowers

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