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How do I approach telling my 5 year old her dad has another family we didn't know about ?

(9 Posts)
Francinex Sun 28-May-17 12:23:18

I'm hoping someone can help me or give me some advise !
I've recently found out my partner of 8 years has another family in Thailand . He works away for a living and I had no idea . Stupid I know !!
Me and my daughter have recently moved out of the home we all shared and into our own place at the moment she has no idea anything Is wrong but it's wrecking me with guilt that I'm hiding all this from her , I just dont want her to feel any pain or upset .
Her father has another little girl with this women he is engaged to and the little girl is 5 like my daughter (exactly 7 days between their birthdays) .
Please help me any advise is hugely appreciated and needed I don't know what to do for the best .

manandbeast Sun 28-May-17 13:16:17

What's the situation with your partner? You say you've moved out, have you split up?

If so I would focus on explaining that to her and supporting her through that. You can simply say that mummy and daddy don't love eachother any more but that you both still love her. That she will live with mummy and see daddy on X and Y days.
About the other family, perhaps you just say matter of fact - you have a sister, she's 5, she lives in another country. I think at 5 she might not question too much. She might have more complicated questions as she gets older.

manandbeast Sun 28-May-17 13:17:06

Try to keep it simple and focussed on the facts rather than emotional.

Francinex Sun 28-May-17 13:20:35

Yes we have split up and he has moved to Thailand .
Yes your probably right , I am most probably overthinking her possible reaction to it all , and what she will understand .
Thank you

Jessiecat27 Fri 21-Jul-17 19:31:51

I agree with the above advice. My dad left when I was 3, went off and had 2 daughters. I didn't have any contact until I was 13, I spent 10 years wondering if he was alive and thought surely he must not be otherwise he'd be here. She won't fully understand but as long as she knows you both love her then she will be okay! Understandably she may ask questions as she gets older though

Blossomdeary Fri 21-Jul-17 19:45:29

Not sure she needs to know this aspect of the split at this stage.

gabsdot Mon 31-Jul-17 10:06:24

I wouldn't say she has a sister. Tell her dad has another daughter.
A sister implies someone she'll have a relationship with and from what you've said that seems unlikely.

gabsdot Mon 31-Jul-17 10:07:12

Also I don't think she needs to know yet anyway, maybe by 9 or 10.:

KnockMeDown Mon 31-Jul-17 10:12:46

So if he has moved to Thailand, I guess he will not be seeing your DD anymore, or at least not regularly? I think this is something that will need to be handled carefully, especially as it could be seen by her that Daddy now has another little girl, so she is surplass to requirements.

A horrible situation, sorry you are going through this. flowers

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